Having a boyfriend who cares is every girl's dream. But is it still every girl's dream when he doesn't care about you as much as he cares about his friend that he was in love with? No, not really. It was more like a nightmare.
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"Wait there, don't move. I'll be there soon. Yah! I said don't move. You'll hurt yourself. No! It's not just a cold. You might get worse, Hari-ah. Yeah, I'm on my way. See you soon. Love you too and do not move" you heard him talking to the phone - to her.
Yoongi then got up from the couch and walked to the front door. His jaw clenched and his face full of worries. Nothing made him more worried than Hari being sick, you knew that.
"Jagiya, where are you going?" you asked and weakly followed him to the front door. Yoongi was already half dressed, ready to go out in the horrible weather.
"I'm going to Hari's, she's not feeling well. I'll be back, go to sleep early, don't wait. Ok?" he said everything so fast that it was almost impossible to understand what he said.
"Oh...ok, take this" you said and gave him an umbrella.
"And wait, I have some soup left" you said weakly and rushed to the kitchen, taking out the soup you've made for yourself. It was made for you since your throat hurt but you knew that Yoongi was going to make her something to eat and he couldn't cook so you decided to give it to him instead.
"Here, just let it cook for a few minutes before giving it to her" you said and gave him a small smile.
"Thank you, Y/N" Yoongi said and gave you a quick peck on the forehead before grabbing his car keys and walked out through the door.
You looked after him and when he disappeared in the dark, you closed the door and sank down on the floor.
Gone. He left for her, again. Was he going to have her as his first prioritise forever? What did you even mean to him? Is he ever going to realize how much he hurt you and that Hari only wants him for his money?
You felt lonely, not even sure if he cared about you more than her. This was of course not the first time. But it still hurt like the first time she had called and he had excused himself from your date and went to her. Not caring about how you were going to get home or that it was pouring rain outside.
You knew that he still had feelings for her even though he was with you. But who could blame him, really? Hari was a super model with a bright smile that made every boy go crazy. She had a killer body and an innocent but yet sexy attitude - which Yoongi liked in girls.
Thinking back to the times when Yoongi was in love with her and you couldn't do anything but to stay there and watch her break his heart, over and over again. Until one day you couldn't take it anymore. You have seen him at his worst, but did you ever leave him? No,never.
Why?
Because you love him and care about him more than yourself. People call you selfless for not thinking about your own feelings. They ask you why you're so weak and why your boyfriend treats his friend like a girlfriend and treats you like a friend. You've always laughed it off and said that he was the best boyfriend ever and that he loved and cared for you more than anything.
You knew too well that it wasn't true. Because that was just how you wished it was.
Sometimes life is unfair. Unfair because you know that no matter how much you care and how much you love him, he will never be all yours. How could he be when his heart was in Hari's hands? When he only had eyes for her?
You looked up to the ceiling and tried to keep the tears inside. Were you going to give up on him after all these years loving him? Loving him while he loved anothor girl. Was it the time to let him find his happiness? Have you been selfish all this time for keeping him for yourself?
You walked to your shared bedroom and took out a suitcase and started to pack all your belongings, taking your time. You still had a little hope about him coming home, but you knew better than that. He was not coming home until the next day. It was always like that.
After that you were done, you sat down in his studio where he spent most of his time. You took out a pen and a paper. You then started to write down all your emotions.
Where do I begin?
Leaving you are the hardest thing I've done. Leaving a person I love and care for more than anything is not easy. Leaving all of this is a nightmare. A nightmare I didn't want to come true.
But it is the best thing to do for both of us. I'm letting you go, to find your happiness. I'm letting myself go, because my heart can't handle all this pain anymore.
You're not the one to blame. I chose this. I chose to fall in love with you. I chose to be with you even though I knew from the begining that making you fall for me was going to be hard. I chose to love you endlessly and I chose to not letting you go, until now.
Thank you for all this time with you. You made me happy, even though I know that you're shaking your head right know. You really did make me happy.
Thank you for giving us a chance and thank you for all the memories.
I know it will be hard, getting over you. But I'm already on my way and I will not look back until I'm sure that I can. I wish you all the best and do take care of yourself when I'm not here.
I guess, it's time to leave. Time to give up on us. Time to let you go.
I love you, always have, always will.
Yours forever, Y/N.
A few tears landed on the piece of paper and you tried to take it away. But it was impossible. The tear stains were always going to be there. Just like the pain and love in your heart.
One last glance at your shared apartment, you wiped away your tears and opened the door and walked out with your suitcase. It was still raining. But you couldn't regret it now. It was now or never.
So you walked away in the rain, leaving, letting him go, without looking back.
