Forget Me

Chapter 5: Painful Realizations

Naruto remembered now. He remembered everything. The pain that he felt was indescribable. He really did not know what to do.

It was the evening time when he stepped out into the streets. Lamps shone dimly down the streets. The sun in the background was warm and vibrant, ombre shadows dusting the cobbled streets.

Naruto had his hands in his pants pockets, head bowed low in thought while his shoulders straightened with every step. The breeze in the early October weather chilled his spine. He needed to speak with Sasuke. They needed to understand one another's feelings.

He turned to lean against the worn out, cold metal and sighed heavily. His shoulders bunched at his neck, his overcoat swaying gently in the breeze. He knew he was really loved by Konoha for his strength and his looks. But when he first saw Sasuke, he felt like his own elegance and pride had fallen below him. Maybe Gaara could match Sasuke's 'height', but he knew he himself could never be who Sasuke was. Sasuke was tainted in pure pain and anger. The dark blood that dripped off the glinting spear was his emotions. Everything seemed to hurt when he was with Sasuke. Because Sasuke was the epitome of pain. But Naruto had fallen for him then because he seemed to carry that pain as his pride, swallowing any other pains he saw as his own. And he had swallowed Naruto pain then too. He was strong, elegant, proud... the things the villagers saw Naruto as. But Naruto saw Sasuke as the vision of himself. Because Sasuke carried all those values with even more honour than Naruto himself.

Now that he remembered his past, he could finally understand why the villagers hated Sasuke. They hated him for his guts, his selfishness. Even if he had similar qualities to Naruto, he did wrong things. People only ever see what another person does, and not his intentions on the inside. They judged Sasuke as selfish and hateful and in wrong by the way he chose rouge and by the way he dumped Naruto to die that fateful day. But Naruto knew Sasuke did it for him. Sasuke willingly sat his own happiness down for Naruto. And when Naruto forgot that he ever did that, he too had sacrificed his happiness. But in a different view, he was never happy with Sasuke. He was always chasing Sasuke. Chasing until he gave up that day.

Currently, no one bothered with Sasuke except to give him glares and to speak ill of him. Sasuke in return carried himself in arrogance to ignore them. It reminded Naruto so much of Itachi. Sasuke's older brother had done the exact same thing and was faced with the same judging looks. Naruto had once forgotten him as well. But now when he faced his olden memories, he could see how much Sasuke was like Itachi. So willing to do anything for someone he loved.

So now Naruto knew just how much Sasuke loved him. And how much he did not love Sasuke back. Yes, you heard him right. He did not love Sasuke. Not anymore. Even after seeing his memories and feeling emotions, he just could not feel like what he was when he was sixteen anymore. He felt no urge to search for Sasuke. No loving happiness when Sasuke came back. He just felt pain and guilt. Because he could not love Sasuke when he had forgotten him for ten years straight. He had fallen in love with Hinata because she had loved him tirelessly for ten years straight and so much more. And he admired and loved her for that strength. He knew his younger past, when he was hated. And he was overwhelmed by the love exuded from Hinata to him. It was refreshing and passionate. Sometimes he felt like he did not deserve this kind of love from his wife. And now he understood why.

A small fragile smile broke across Naruto face.

He wasn't fond of not smiling. What made his smile so fragile right now was that it was a true smile. A smile from a Naruto that was born all those years ago. Not a smile from an imposter of the real Naruto.

He felt a sudden presence behind him. Turning his head curiously, he was met with creamy eyes and a warm smile. Hinata. Naruto himself smiled to his wife and beckoned her to watch the sunset with him. Hinata bowed her head sweetly as she leaned against the metal fencing. Naruto lazily stretched an arm across her shoulder, pulling her smaller frame to him.