Lead Me To Happiness

chapter twelve

A/N: i'm sitting outside at my campsite and i got a good idea for this chapter. idk if it'll be any better, and i apologise if not. but it's just some ideas.

I wake up at 7:32 A.M and feel like absolute crap. Kyle is beside me; mouth wide open and snoring. I walk into his bathroom and look at myself. I start to get light headed and run to the toilet. I start puking up my guts. it feels so good to puke again. I used to purge but I didn't want to tell Kyle. I know he's sleeping so I keep making myself puke. I missed this feeling so much. I end up just puking fluids out for twenty minutes until Kyle comes in. I didn't realise he was in here so I kept putting my fingers down my throat and he runs over and pulls my hand away from my face, "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" I start crying, "I got carried away; I'm sorry." I say bitterly and storm out of the bathroom. I go downstairs into the other bathroom and take a shower.

I end up taking a bath after I got clean and start thinking about life. "what if Kyle doesn't really care about my feelings? what if he just likes my looks?" I tear up and get out of the tub for a second. I plug my iPod into the dock and play Fuck Everything by Suicide Silence on full blast on repeat. Kyle doesn't even care to come in here and check on me, "wow." I'm raged at this point. he only wanted to get into my pants. I gave him what he wanted and now he's going to leave me. no. I can't let him leave me; I'll leave him.

I dry off and go upstairs to Kyle's room. he is playing the Xbox and talking to people in the lobby, "hey, I need to talk to you." I say sternly. he turns the Xbox off and my eyes widen. I didn't expect him to get off, "sure babe." he smiles uneasily. we sit down on his bed and I tear up, dammit Jessika, why do you have to cry? Kyle looks at me with a concerned face, "what's going on Jessika?" I look up at him, "I'm breaking up with you." he looks absolutely crushed, "so the only thing you wanted was to have sex with me? fucking whore. what are you still doing here? leave!" when he said leave, my heart shattered. I collected my things and left. I had no idea where I was going though.

I end up sitting on the sidewalk and crying for two hours before I call mamma. when I call her, she sounds concerned, "Jess, what's wrong? are you okay? where are you at?" I try to settle down, "I broke up with Kyle and he flipped. I'm on the corner of 2nd Street and 5th Avenue." I hang up and cry into my knees. thirty minutes later, mamma is rushing to me and picking me up, holding me in her embrace. I cry into her chest and she comforts me. when we get back to the house, the weed smell is gone and there's no drugs on the table. I smile and lay on my bed. mamma sits down beside me and looks serious, "why did you break up with him?" I sit up and cry again, "all he wanted from me was sex... and I gave it to him. and then he didn't even care that I ran off. he just played the Xbox." mamma held me in her arms until I fell asleep.

Kyle comes into the room and starts begging me to take him back. he gets on his knees and is crying. he looks absolutely pitiful. I say no and he runs out crying even harder. he is so pathetic. when I go into the bathroom, I hear footsteps. I turn around and it's Kyle. he's holding a knife, "w-w-what are you planing to do with that?" he smiles and starts singing, "my love for you was bulletproof but you're the one who shot me."

my eyes shoot open and my alarm is going off. the tone is Bulletproof Love. I look at the time and it's 5 A.M. I forgot that school starts back up again today. I mope into the bathroom and get a shower. I wash up really quick and go to my bag to pick out my outfit. when I get my outfit picked out, I get up and see Kyle at the door. I look at him and immediately tear up. he walks over to me and hugs me tightly. I cry into his shoulder and I realise that he deserves somebody better than me.

I push away and he looks really hurt, "Jessika, please. at this point, I feel like I'm worthless because I haven't gotten an explanation on why you left me." I can tell he hasn't slept yet, "you deserve somebody better than me." he brings his arm up to rub his eyes and I see cuts all down his arm. I tear up even more, "I caused that." I start crying and fall to my knees. I can't stand seeing him hurt. he pick me up and hugs me, "you didn't cause these, I did it. my feeling were overwhelming and I couldn't handle them. you're not my feelings Jess, you didn't cause these." I look up at him and he smiles, "by the way... I forgive you." I smile and he attacks me with a kiss.

I start getting ready in the bathroom and all I can do is smile the whole time. when I get my makeup done, i go through my bracelets. i got all three colours of the Anthem Made bracelets. you know, Kellin Quinn's clothing line? after i get some bracelets me and Kyle, we head out. I covered mine and Kyle's scars/cuts up with foundation so they're a tad bit better. I plug my iPhone into Kyle's stereo and play Hold On Till May by Pierce the Veil featuring Lindsey Stamey and he just smiles at me, "I'm so glad I met you." he bites his lip and I get shivers down my spine. he laughs and we sing along together.

he turns my music off and turns the radio on. he looks at me and tells me to listen. I look at the radio as Kyle turns it up, "we have a special request here. Chris Brewington of Consider Me Dead and American Jessika Matthews did an acoustic version of CMD's This One's For You. Jessika's boyfriend, Kyle, came into the studio and asked me to play it. here you are Jessika!" the song starts playing and I can't help but smile so big.

when we get to school, everybody is looking at me weirdly. I realise some of my fresh cuts are showing out of my bracelets. I look up at Kyle and he takes his bracelets off and hands them to me. I look at him with disbelief, "what if they make fun of you?" he smiles, "I'm Kyle Ashby babe, they know my older brother is famous and can take them." I smile and roll my eyes, "you're spoiled." I kiss him and we both go to PE.

by the end of the day, I'm tired of the talking about me. I walk out of the school without waiting for Kyle. I run to the bridge I tried to jump off of and sit on the edge. I'm tired of only attempting suicide. this has to be it.

A/N: CLIFF HANGER. omg guys.. there's only one chapter left of the book. ): I really enjoyed writing it! and I love each and every one of my squidgy tacos.<3 thank you to the people who stuck through with my book.(: