Phan Oneshot Series

October 19th

Slowly, I pulled into a parking space in the deserted lot of the all-too familiar place. Taking a deep breath in, I put the car in park and rested my hands on my lap.

'Today's the day.'

I turned my head and looked down at the bouquet of flowers I had resting on the passengers seat of the car. The red and white roses were neatly wrapped in black wrapping paper, their aroma filling the small vehicle.

I hastily picked up the bouquet by the stems and opened the car door, stepping out and closing it after me.

The cool autumn wind brushed past me, nipping at my ears and messing up my hair. I adjusted my fringe and tucked the hand that wasn't holding the flowers into the pocket of my jacket as I started walking.

It took me a few minutes to get there, the rustling of the trees the only thing accompanying me on my journey. I never understood why the parking lot was so far away. I guess it made for a nice walk, and there were hardly any people around. Only the occasional jogger or a person walking by with their dog.

The walk was calming, the falling leaves turning the pavement an array of beautiful colours. I always went out of my way to step an a few crunchy leaves, feeling satisfied as I crushed them under my worn-out high tops.

At last, I arrived at my usual stop, and as I did I looked down at the ground.

"I'm back." I said quietly, a faint smile on my lips as I sat down across from the stone block. I rested the bouquet of flowers in front of it, letting my eyes wander across the text engraved into the granite.

"Daniel James Howell-Lester
1991 - 2025

Beloved son, brother and husband"

No matter how many times I read those words, I still felt a pain in my chest as my eyes scrolled across them.

"How ironic that all of this ended on the same day it started?" I smiled, recalling the memories.

"October 19th, 2009. The best day of my life, all those years ago. I still remember waiting at the train station for you to arrive, and making a bee-line for you once I saw you looking around the platform. You noticed me sprinting towards you, so you did the same. We both enveloped each other in a hug, I was so happy to have finally met you in person."

"October 19th, 2025. The absolute worst day of my life." I sighed, closing my eyes to try to avoid any tears making their way down my cheeks.
"I'll never be able to get that doctors voice out of my head. When he told us the disease had spread and you only had a few weeks, I couldn't stop crying. You held me and told me everything would be alright, but how could it be? I would have to live in a world where you weren't there, next to me at every moment."

"Waking up in the morning with you not in bed beside me, I still can't get used to it. I know it's been four years, but I don't think I'll ever feel whole again without your head on my chest as we fall asleep together." I sighed in annoyance as the tears won the battle, falling from my eyes and staining my cheeks.

I sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the whispering tree leaves and the distant car horns from the street. I regretted not bringing any tissues with me as I wiped my nose on the sleeve of my jacket.

"I'm sorry I haven't come to see you as often, things have just been so busy lately. I've been working, there was Troye and Tyler's wedding, we even got a dog! A cute Shiba Inu puppy, just because they were your favourite. We named him James, after you." I remembered, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips.