A Sky Without Stars

Part 11-June

It was finally summer vacation, and I was free to do whatever I wanted. I could lazily sit out on my deck and read a book. Or, I could go swimming in the temporary pool we set up every year. If I wanted to, I could even just kick back under a shady tree and stare at the clouds, Popsicle in hand, feeling the summer breeze against my skin. The freedom which comes with summer offers endless opportunities to eager children across the world. Yes, it was summer: I could do anything and everything.

And apparently, all I wanted to do at first was sit around and mope. I mean, it seemed like a good alternative to me.

Now, I know what you're thinking: you are pathetic, Pearl. And by thinking that, you'd be correct. I was still pretty bummed out about the whole thing with Castor, if I'm being honest. He'd occupied my thoughts for so long, and to all of a sudden have romantic thoughts completely ripped from my mind? It was weird, and definitely a drastic shift from the last several months.

It was almost like I was forcing myself to not think about him.

But it wasn't really working well. Because, admittedly, I still liked Castor a lot, too much for my own good. It was tearing me apart, because I constantly replayed the words he'd said over and over again in my mind. On one hand, I knew I needed to stop liking him, because it was hurting me inside. On the other, what if he was lying, and I missed my chance with the boy of my dreams? The battle went back and forth.

The only plus side of all of this was that Coda and I had made up. Sort of, anyway.

See, our friend group was having a bonfire to celebrate the end of the school year. Coda and I knew we needed to talk before the party, or things were going to get ugly.

I was furious, and I made sure to let him know that. Coda, to my dismay, told me that I was overreacting about the situation. Since neither of us would budge our opinions on the matter, we agreed that perhaps we'd both taken things to the extreme. While I still didn't particularly want to talk to Coda, I knew it was better than to ignore him and the problems we encountered.

The bonfire ended up being a blast. Isaac and Taylor ended up dumping half of the food into the fire on accident, but a fun time was had by all. We actually ended up burning our old papers from math class, earning it the title of The Math Bonfire.

The interesting thing was, though, summer was a way to allow for new relationships to emerge. And with the beginning of summer came a new relationship for me: Andrew.

No, certainly not a romantic relationship. Andrew was a friend who just so happened to be there at the right place, at the right time. Since Melody was out of town for two weeks, and I was mostly avoiding Coda and Castor, I didn't have many people to talk to. Isaac and I chatted frequently, sure, but he went to sleep around ten o'clock at night. Me, on the other hand? I usually didn't sleep until two o'clock in the morning. I needed someone to talk to in the lonely hours of the night, when I felt as though there was no way I'd survive. So one day, I texted Andrew, just to see what would happen.

I was not expecting him to be just as broken as I was, possibly even more.

Our conversations started out with very simple things. We talked about our families, our lives before high school, and freshman year. But as we began to talk every single night for hours on end, the two of us began to open up, and I realized there was a lot more going on with Andrew than anyone else realized.

I wouldn't go as far as to say Andrew was depressed. But Andrew was sad, that's for sure. There wasn't necessarily a direct reason why, but he felt as though he didn't fit in with anyone. He felt like an outcast, one that no one would ever love, even as a friend. Except for me, of course. Otherwise, he wouldn't have opened up.