When did it all go so wrong? (Up for adoption)

Part 8 (mini)

Sean

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. 
I was wearing a black suit and a bow tie.
Today was Marks funeral and I was getting ready with Bob and Mandy, Wade, Arron, Felix and Marzia.
Everyone was wearing black and I couldn't stop crying.
I loved Mark... And it is my fault he is gone.
It was raining today... at least the weather matched the mood.
I walked out and saw Felix and Marzia hugging, as were Bob and Mandy and Wade and Arron.
I stood awkwardly, craving the feeling of comfort.
Marzia was the first to notice me standing there and walked over to me, hugging me tightly.
"I am so sorry Sean... I am so so sorry..." She said quietly.
I started crying again and every one came and hugged me.
We need to leave for Marks...
We need to leave in 10 minutes.
I sat in the front seat with Felix and everyone was silent as we drove.
Marks eulogy sat like a weight in my pocket.
We arrived at the graveyard and there was already a few people there, standing around a dark brown casket.
I turned and held on to Felix as if he was the only thing keeping me alive.
We all walked and talked to Marks mother and a few other family members, saying that we are sorry for their loss and them returning the gesture.
I hugged Marks mother and we both cried.
After talking to everyone I realized I couldn't avoid it any longer.
I walked up to the open casket that was shielded from the rain.
I put my hand over my mouth to stop the sobs as I looked at his pale face.
His eyes were closed and he was in a nice suit. 
I felt bob and wade hug me and I started sobbing.
"I loved him so much...! Why did he do this... What kind of world is this where someone so kind and loving as Mark would take their own life?!?" I said, sobbing into Bobs shirt.
I felt Felix, Marzia and Mindy join in the hug.
We all said something to Mark and someone announced that we were saying our eulogy's.
Marks mom went first, and then they said I should go.
I walked up to the podium and pulled out my paper.
It was smudged with tears but I started reading anyway.

"My dearest Mark,

I promise to carry on your contagious smile.
The same one that would light up a room the minute you walked in.
I promise to laugh and never take myself to seriously.

I promise to love harder and forgive faster.

I promise to be content, in every sense of the word.
To be thankful for the air in my lungs,

and the few years I was blessed to have with you.
I promise to try and have as big a heart as you did.
To be selfless.

To know what I have, and know what I can give to others who are not as fortunate.

I promise to grieve that absence of your physical being for only a moment.
And then I promise to set you free.
I promise to never give up on others,

even when I'm ready to give up on myself.

I promise to be a friend and a mentor as you were.

To be a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on or a set of ears to simply listen...

The most important promise I can make,
despite all my failures and all my losses.
A promise that carries the equivalence of all the rest combined is this...

I promise to make you proud.
With all that I am,
I love you Mark. I love you so much.
I will never, ever forget you."

I held on to everyone and watched as they closed the casket, taking in the last I will ever see of him.
And then the set him in the ground.

He's gone...