daybreak | yoonmin

may 13th.

3:00 a.m.

MYG 💙

Yoongi I don't get it

I've been thinking and it's not adding up

But it's making perfect sense

Taehyung, he always leaves and comes back and leaves and comes back

He's like flowers. Biennial I think?

No, perennial

He's perennial

We're going through a hard winter it seems like all our flowers are dead I try my best to water and water and breathe life into what's left of us but I guess we can't be helped. It's just not that time of year.

I have problems coming to grips with that for some reason

As if I don't know he'll be back next spring but

I don't know if I even want things to grow back. It might just be habit or muscle memory or Stockholm. Feels that way sometimes

He's all I've ever known. He's my first love. It always hurts when he leaves. It's always like the first time

But I've been thinking you know. Maybe he's not who I am anymore. I'm not sure if perennial is what I want anymore. So why do I still try? I wake up some days and feel like my body is piloting itself while I just watch from the outside. And that means I spend most of my days lying to myself.

And that myself and me are two different people. I can't even tell where they stop being the same thing

Do you know what that feels like?

To be Borges and I

I love modernism. I love Borges.

I used to teach him as a graduate student to undergrads

Creative Writing II

You would have been a shit student

Did I ever tell you I know Haruki Murakami?

4:14 a.m.

You should read it sometime

Borges y yo

4:27 a.m.

And who the fuck is he anyway?

Not Borges. He's a king.