daybreak | yoonmin

march 6th.

6:40 a.m.

"I'll trade you that rice ball for this Clif Bar."

"What? No, Clif Bars are fucking disgusting."

"I know. Let me have the rice ball."

"How about I get to keep the rice ball, and you get to keep your head on your neck?"

"What's in the rice ball?"

"Takoyaki," He said through a full mouth.

"I like takoyaki."

"Starve."

"Okay. What about the Clif Bar for an almond or two so I can die instead of having to work a nine-to-five under a capitalist state for the rest of my life?"

"No. Clif Bars are fucking disgusting."

"You wouldn't trade it even for just one of nature's finest murder weapon?"

"I don't want to kill you."

Yoongi felt like a big idiot with his heart soaring into the sky, eyes glued to the big-eyed baby face and the chewing puffy cheeks. Had his standards really dropped so low? The bar was in hell.

Jimin's free hand took out his only headphone and encased it, "By the way, I finished that book you gave me."

"Yeah?" Yoongi asked, brows heightened in anticipation, "What'd you think?"

He sighed.

"The writing was quite amateur, there's not enough dialogue, the sentences always run on, and nothing happened plotwise. Oskar Schell is far too two-dimensional to be a protagonist, and I highly doubt that any nine year-old boy would ever be so existentialist to his lengths. I wish I could get back the time I wasted reading this, and think that this book belongs on the banned book list for no reason other than because I said so." He uttered. "Not a personal favorite."

Jimin stared blandly at Yoongi, stretching the book back to him the same way he had received it a few days earlier. Minus the sneeze, that is.

Yoongi looked down at the novel in his hands and understood why he chose to be a manuscript editor. He had left behind more than enough marginalia for five copies of the book, countless arrows and symbols and notes tattooed onto the page with impeccable penmanship.

sentence fragment!

super unclear: what do we gain from reading this page???

OMIT paragraph. Or page.

Scrap.

This contributes nothing to the continued metaphor. Rephrase for clarity, and move to the end of paragraph 10, chapter 8.

Scrap.

Does this child have a mother?
Because this isn't realistic.

Great use of simile, but I hate this fucking book.

He edited a published book.

He edited an already published, already edited book just to spite Yoongi, who remembered telling him at some point in the past that he hated when people wrote in books because new words never fit and any idea worth remembering wouldn't need jotting down.

Except this time it was okay because it was him, each and every stroke of the cyan ink embedded in the page would always bring him to mind even if he were to open it when he was old and gray. Jimin, indelibly. Permanent in his life.