we're all dolls here

Ch. 11

jamisons face didn't change as the words left my mouth, but i felt his chest fall back into its normal pattern and the majority of his tears evaporated into the cold, frigid air. he looked at me and brought his free hand to my cheek, "autumn, i'm only going to tell you this one time." he sighed and averted his eyes from mine, "i'm not worth it."

for some reason anger built up inside me from my toes to the very tip top of my head. i felt my face turning red, not from embarrassment but from complete and utter disappointment that came with the self loath that jamison held for himself.

"you are beyond worth it. don't you ever, ever say that again." jamison was still focused on his shirt as i tried my best to keep his focus on me, but he refused. "look me in the eye say that." his head lifted as he locked eyes with me once more, "autumn i love you more than anything and i always have since the first time you walked out of you door in Portland on the first day of kindergarten." a smile made its way across my face as i felt jamisons arm remove itself from my shoulders and grab onto my hand pulling me up on my butt along with him, our legs dangling off the edge of the cliff.

"you're just saying that to satisfy my dying need for your love right?" jamisons hand gripped mine as they laid in the grass beneath us.

"why yes of course, what other reasons are there?"

"i hope we eventually find the answer to that question."

"me too. me too." jamisons dimple appeared out of the corner of my eye making me smile at the darkness in front of me, "say it again autumn."

"i love you. i love you more than i ever thought possible." jamisons hand rose to his face and settled right above his eyes.

"stop you're embarrassing me."

"shut up."

i looked at the scene surrounding us, everything about it was absolutely beautiful. the dark clouds overlapping one another, and the moon light seeping through the crevices that the clouds held, lightly illuminating our faces.

"i love you more than this world will ever know. but i feel like i still have yet to prove that to you." i grimaced in his direction even though i knew he wouldn't see, "you've already proven it, multiple times."

"i didn't mean to you." he looked out onto the stars furrowing his brows once more, "i still have yet to prove it to myself."

i dwelled on his words for longer than i should, creating his own thoughts for him. i felt a strong and immediate need to change the topic so i did just that, " do you think they will come and try to find us?"

jamison leaned further out from the ledge making me flinch, "even if they don't, we can't go back to your house." the soft breeze hit his hair sending a select few pieces flying in all different directions.

"where are going to go then?" a piece of me wanted him to say that we could go back to his house with his foster parents but a bigger piece of me knew there was no chance of that happening.

"this probably won't impress you but we could go to the abandoned elementary school. it's really not as bad as you think."

an image of the school developed in my mind, worn down, and nearly rotting. definitely not the most ideal sleeping situation. but then again i'd be with jamison and nothing else seemed to matter when i was with him. "okay, where do you usually sleep when you go there? also, why do you go there when you have foster parents?"

"because they're not my real parents, have no intention to live in a house with strangers who are just good at pretending to care." he laid his head lightly on my own, "or maybe they're genuine, kind and caring people who ended up being stuck with deviant and rather corrupted teenage boy."