Sympathy, Anger, Hopeless

Knowledge of the past

WARNING THIS MAYBE TRIGGERING IN MANY WAYS IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE SUBJECTS LIKE RAPE, DEPRESSION, FOUL LANGUAGE, ECT. PLEASE DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER.

~3rd POV~

     Izaya lay there having small nightmares here and there, yerking in his sleep. Shizuo closely watching over, he'd listen to Izaya's small mumbles kinda worried. If all he was saying was true then why, how, when did this all go down? Shizuo waited until morning to ask though not wanting to bother the other.
     Though Izaya awoke that evening so the two decided to watch some t.v. together. "Hey Izaya, can I ask you something honestly?"
      "Sure, Shizu-chan." Izaya said his eyes now on Shizuo and not the t.v.
      "D-did your dad hurt you?" Shizuo hesitantly asked.
      Izaya quickly turned his face toward Shizuo, anger seeming to catch in his voice, "Who told you that!?"
      "You did but in your sleep... You said a lot like you hurt yourself, you hate your family, you felt bad for others, you hated...yourself. Things about you, about Shiki, and yeah... Things like that." Shizuo had no clue what he was trying to get at.
      "Well don't listen to me when I sleep then." Izaya looked back to the t.v. clearly upset.
      "Is it true though Izaya?"
      "It doesn't matter Shizu-chan watch the show already." Izaya pointed to the t.v. trying to avoid the subject now.
      "To me it does, cause I want to know! You promised me you'd tell me what you wanted to know."
       "..." Izaya adjusted himself in his seat tapping his arm leaning into the other slightly.
      "Izaya please." Just then Izaya nodded, kinda curling up more so tucking his knees close to his chest.
       "What went down while I wasn't here?" Shizuo sighed looking at the other male. Izaya paused the t.v. taking a deep breath.
        "When we were in middle school my mom died, n-no big deal. I was only her trouble maker back then so she didn't enjoy me all that much anyway. Leaving a lot of stress on my step father I guess. He never took it out on the twins because they were his kids. When he got the chance he took off and left me with my biological father. My father was a drunk and not the nicest person to be around partially why my mom left him. I was a reminder that mom was gone forever and I was someone he could take it out on.... He use to pretend like I was my mom and shit and when he was drunk he'd beat me around. Not too long later is when I met Shinra, I got him into a lot of trouble for putting up with me... I became cold toward everyone, I told myself I didn't need them, that U could absurb from a far and do with them as I pleased. I worked in my own ways as an info broker in highschool my skills only improved. I learned ways to make money and disgust others, that's when I disappeared from the world, worked with Shiki all that bullshit... Shinra always had to deal with me, making sure I was stable, eating, and all that bullcrap. Of course I lied to him I would play people like games, harm myself and others, when I got low feeling something... Not gonna lie though Shizu-Chan, I hate me. I am evil in what I do and how I do it Shizu-chan. I'm gross and a whore to many, I'm everything people tell me I am..." Izaya didn't notice but as he talked he cried. Shizuo eyes watered to slightly as he listen to the other.
       Shizuo having heard Izaya gave him a hug slowly and genuinely. Feeling like this wouldn't have happen unless he had someone there by his side. "I'm sorry Izaya, I truly am. Your not all that evil?.. Sure you've done some shit but, I bet with reasoning. You're not gross Izaya, and what they did does not make you a whore. You clearly didn't want it."
       "Yeah, I guess..."
       "But still... Can you promise me you will try to help me help you? You gotta stop with the harming you and getting into trouble in whatever way that may be. You gotta work on eating, and talking to me when your down. Staying away from Shiki and that gang."
       Izaya stood up before Shizuo could continue. "Uhh yeah, I'm gonna take a shower Shizu-chan." This kinda was strange since Izaya took one this morning and his face seemed blank.
       "Um, okay?.. If you need anything I'll be here..." Shizuo said looking toward Izaya concerned.
       As soon as Izaya slipped into the bathroom he filled the bath with hot water, turning his radio to a station of nothing but loud music. Izaya sat in the tub knees close to his body, he began to cry and tried to make it as quiet as possible he didn't want to show Shizuo how weak he was. Not after everything that happen, Izaya grabbed a soap box that wasn't filled with soap it was full of blades and razors. Izaya chose his tool of choice and laid it into his skin cutting the word "weak" into his arm he laid there watching the blood slip down into the bath. The red intertwining with the clear water as ink did. Slow but deepening in color. He regeted doing it after him and Shizuo just spoke what was his problem.
       A knock at the door soon came with Shizuo's voice, "Hey man, you okay? Umm, you been in there for awhile?"

~~~Shizuo's pov~~~

      Man the guys taking forever. "...you been in there for awhile?"
      I could here Izaya doing something quick swishing in the water. "Yeah, yeah I'll be out in a second, lost track of time I guess..."
      He's lying to me, he has to be his tone so off. I opened the door breaking the handle in the process to get by the locked door to find Izaya in a towel grinning face flushed,"What took you so long?"
       He sighed, " I just needed some time to myself that's all... Why did you break the door get out of here." I looked beyond him seeing the bath water with a tint of red Izaya only looked more red in the face more so now with guilt. I scooted over and he walked by covering his left arm that's when I grabbed him by the shoulder.
       "Let's be honest about what you were doing, Flea. Your lieing to me and you fucking know it don't you." Izaya shook his head.
        "Shizu-chan I need to get dressed leave me alone..." I grabbed his arm, seeing the new word carved in Izaya's arm. Izaya yanked his arm back and ran to his room quickly.
         "Izaya what did I just tell you before you got in there, Izaya you just did the exact opposite you liar." Shizuo said turning the knob on the door, Izaya quickly got into some sweats and a long sleeve shirt on as the Shizuo opened the door.
      "Well, are you going to continue to blabber about what I do?" Izaya said looking away from the tall blonde.
      "You need to stop right now."
      "Why should I?! I already do matter and I couldn't care less about myself honestly now."
       "Because." Shizuo said as Izaya got in to his bed, Shizuo following sitting on the opposite side.
       "Because why?! Come on tell me Shizu-chan tell me what you got?" Izaya said, as Shizuo pinned him not too roughly but enough to keep him down.
     "Because there's a lot of people who care about you!" Izaya laughed at the statement.
     "Shizuo... no one loves an info broker, no one loves a guy who manipulates others, I am nothing...I am weak..."
      "Shinra, him, he cares about you if he didn't why the fuck would he check up on you so much! N-namie, she could get any job she wanted she could be her own boss yet she doesn't!  Your sisters, they're your siblings, sure there psycho but, they love you all the same. Hell Celty and what about m--" Shizuo went silent knowing what he was about to say,he gulped. "What about me? I care, I'm here I want to help? I'll be here so long as you need me Izaya-kun."
       Izaya stopped struggling and looked at Shizuo who red in the face now. "I'm going to bed Shizuo... I uh... Let me go please." The crimson eyes shutting and turning to face the wall as the blonde let go. Shizuo then took everything off but his boxer, laying next to the smaller male. He faced the opposite wall keeping his distance from the other feel akward about what he said.
         Izaya sighed,"What do you want from me?" Izaya turned and Shizuo did so as well he looked into the blondes mocha green eyes.
        Shizuo smiled, "Nothing, but your saftey. I want you safe now." Shizuo moved close to the other slowly and held the small male close dozing off with his last words. "Good night flea, I care about you." Izaya laid there cheeks burning wanting to cry, not knowing why would Shizuo say that?!
       Izaya couldn't get the thought of Shizuo's words out that night and knew that there was a bigger reason for Shizuo to take the watching job, then just wanting to know what happen...
         "Goodnight, my stupid monster, Shizu-chan."

===============
(Authors Note)
Heyo so should I add some heave smut or keep it to simple this and that? I don't know if people like it more described or not but hey just wanted to know your guys, and gals, and those whom are just pals.
Hope you all enjoyed my currently dipressing start to a store promise you it gets better stick with me.