7 Mile

Chapter 17

There hardest shit I'd ever done was to stare at some picture that was showing me a part of me that I could never get back.
It was a tiny little person, too small to be robbed of life. I didn't understand fully, how life could be so fucking cruel.
I didn't know how she did it, but fuck did I admire her. I resented myself for being such a fucking asshole that she couldn't even approach me, she needed me there with her that one time and I was too busy being happy while she sat and suffered from my selfish actions.
But no matter how tore up we both was about this, shit happened for a reason, and it was not the time for either of us to become parents, we was too young, and I was destined to be with Kim, fuck knows why but this just proved it, cause if Aja was to go full term and eventually told me then I no doubt would of left my shit relationship to be with them both.
I believed in Aja's fate too, I wasn't the guy for her, she was destined to have a son but not with me, this all proved that, probably because I would have ended up breaking up our family and leaving her to go back with Kim, or maybe it would have stopped me from doing music, whatever it was it just wasn't meant to be...

"... yeah. Well we wanted to go for the white version of that coffin, but we ended up going with pastel blue"

"Yea" i gulped down the emotion bubbling up. Man she'd really done good, the funeral was beautiful. He was beautiful. I couldn't believe he was actually gonna be mine. Lookin' at the baby pictures of her holding him, that shit was crazy, by now I would of already been a dad, if he'd of made it through,
"Did he have a name?"

"Yeah..." She seemed reluctant to tell me,

"You can't get me involved like this and not tell me the name of our baby"

"Haiden James, but spelt H-A-I-D-E-N not like the normal way"

"Haiden James, that's a real nice name, got a ring to it"

"Thank you, it came to me when I looked at his face, I hadn't planned a name beforehand, it just... fit" she closed the album, "Would you like a photo to keep?"

"I couldn't run the risk of Kim finding it, but I got a good photogenic memory"

"Okay. I feel like, I kinda feel that this was needed, to finally let go, you know?"

"What me knowing about him?"

"Yeah. Likes he's been waiting for this moment too"

"I wish you'd of told me sooner, I really do"

"I know. But I was scared Marshall, I was in a really bad place at the time"
The sound of crying coming from some baby monitor made me jump, "I won't be a minute"
I started to feel like I shouldn't of been here. The actions of last night were staring to weigh on my mind heavy, she had a family, I had a family on the way and still I fucked her, at the time it felt the right thing to do, I didn't do it out of love or lust, I did it for her... at least that's what I felt comfortable in believing. I needed to go, get out of here. I came and tied up the loose ends, now we could both move on,
"You're leaving?" She caught me zipping up my jacket,

"Yea. I mean, I got to get home, it's getting late ain't it"

"Yeah..." She looked to the floor, it got real awkward thick and fast, "Can I not twist your arm to stay for one more coffee?"

"I'm sorry, I..."

"No, it's fine don't worry about it. Shit, I... I shouldn't of done this"

"Done what?"

"Nothing, it's just me, I thought that, after this I could move on"

"Well yea, that's why i came to do this, that's why last uh.. last night happened"