Seventeen Years of Despondency

Revenge is a Dish Best Served with a Drink or two

A few days have passed already, and I feel just as horrible as the last. The thought of him giving up on me makes me sick to the stomach. I could almost vomit.

He destroyed me, made me this person I am on this morning, and I am not proud of it. I loved him and he said he loved me back even though that was a fucking lie, because you don't hurt the people you love. How could he? How could he just break it off with me and just leave me there and not even acknowledge the fact that I care? He killed me, tore me to shreds.

When he left and said those words as he slammed that door in my face, I thought I was going to die. I couldn't breathe, my heart felt as though it was caught up in my throat.

I cried and cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. And I still do, everyday since, even though it seems impossible to still be crying and I hate it. I hate how he just left me, without a proper goodbye. I cared about him, I used to put him before me with everything I did and I can't believe I never saw it before my own eyes that he wouldn't even think twice about it if he were in my position.

That's never what I wanted. I just wanted him and how he made me feel so special and happy. And when he sees me happy walking past him at school and smiling with the friends that I just don't have, it's all an act. I just want to go home, and run into his arms with tears streaming down my cheeks. I will only do that to show him that I can still be happy without him in my life. But I'm just lying to myself, I miss him so much it's unbearable. Every time a memory of him crosses my mind, my heart breaks over and over again in ways I didn't think was possible. He made me so happy, he was the reason I woke up smiling, but now, he's the reason I fall asleep crying. I wouldn't have traded him for the world, I would've done anything for him but now he's gone. Even when I'm trying to concentrate on anything else, he's always in the back of my mind, I always drift away and just think back to what we had and the memories we shared and I just want to scream. He's gone from my life and I now I know, Quentin's never coming back.

"Astrid! There's someone at the door for you!" My mother yells out from downstairs.

"Tell them I'm not home." I reply stuffing my face into my pillow.

"You'll probably want to talk to this one." I race downstairs not knowing who to expect; Kevin? Emma? Quentin?

"Daisy." I utter as I meet her gaze. My mother walks into another room, leaving us alone.

"He's really bad Astrid." She whimpers.

I embrace her in a hug, I don't know what else to do. Her brother, my lover, is on thin ice that is about to crack.

"I don't even recognise him anymore. I recognise the monster I witnessed last year." she sobs as I guide her over to the couch. "Dear god, I'm sorry you have to see me cry. You shouldn't have to. I just needed to talk to you about this." She says as she wipes away the mascara underneath her eyes.

"Its okay. We're all human." I smile sympathetically. "I saw him yesterday."

"Yeah, we think that's how he's been getting away with it. Because he has the house to himself during the day, while mom is out at work, and the boys and I are at school. Then when we get home, we don't see him as he locks himself away in his room. What on earth started this again?"

I hesitate for a moment. If I tell her what ignited this fire, she will be demoralised, knowing her stupid mistake of leaving that stupid bottle out started his stupid monstrous behaviour.

"Oh my god. Are you serious? That must have been Carly's. How did he find it?" she asks.

Oh shit. Now I'm thinking out loud.

"He said he was looking for his phone charger." I answer.

"Do you want to know why he was so bad yesterday?"

"I'm not sure if I do.."

"We found a package in his room. Some bastard sent him this massive box of grog. How could someone be so pathetic?" she scoffs.

"They what?" I feel my chest collapse again. "Any idea of who it was?"

"Not unless you know who 'A' is."

"A?" I ask.

"Yeah, on top of the box it said 'Enjoy -A'."

"The only person I know with a name starting with 'A' is-" I begin to clench my fists so hard I can feel my nails digging into my skin.

"Who is it?" She asks.

"Get in the car." I growl.

I'm going to kill this bastard.

***

"Austin!!" I yell pounding on his front door. "Open this motherfucking door!"

"Hey, hey. Calm down. What are you doing here? If you've come begging for me, I'm sorry honey but I'm not interested." He says rather self-centredly.

He makes me even sicker than my own mind does. And before my brain connects to my arm, I do what I've been wanting to do for 4 years. I break his nose with my fist.

"OWW! What the fuck?!" he groans in pain. And I've never been so happy to see someone in pain.

"Oh, so he's A?" daisy asks. I nod, and with that she knees him between the legs.

"What is your problem?" he yells.

"What is my problem? My fucking problem is that you sent that box of beer to Quentin. I don't know why, or how you knew, but your fucking mental."

"What are you talking about?" he frowns, fixing himself upright.

"Don't play dumb with me." I say before slapping him on his cheek, leaving a faint red mark behind.

"Alright, alright. If I tell you guys will you stop harassing me?" he asks.

I look over at daisy and she does the same, before we simultaneously speak out "Maybe."

"It was some chick. She asked me to do it and paid extra." he shrugs.

"Some chick?" I interrogate.

"I think her name was Emily... Calvin? Something along those lines, I'm not too sure."

"Emma Calver. Was it Emma Calver?" I ask as it being the only name sounding similar. I knew that they knew each other, but I didn't know how, or that she would sabotage his life and betray me. Why does everyone I trust leave?

"Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Well thank you for your time." I say to him before we leave and head towards Daisy's car.

"Yeah, and a- thanks for the broken nose." he replies, unsure of his answer.

"Emma? But she wouldn't- would she?" Daisy questions.

"You know her?" I frown.

"Yeah, Quentin and her were best friends for like 5 years."

"How did I not know this?" I throw my hands up in the air.

"I'm pretty sure she had a thing for him. The last we saw of her was when Quentin got a girlfriend." she says, gesturing towards me.

"Me." I utter. She's doing this to get back at me. She befriended me not out of consideration, but out of revenge. She's is worse than Austin.

"People are so pathetic." she sighs.

"You're not wrong."

I told my mom everything. From yesterdays catastrophe with Quentin outside the colour blind house, to Emma and Austin being completely immoral. She was almost as unimpressed as I was. We talked about the divorce again that night and she told me that dad left. He came over while I was out and took all of his belongings not even sparing a word for my mother. I can't even think of him the same way anymore. How could he do that to mom? How could he do that to us? He's dead to me now, both of them are.

Mom told me today that she's planning on moving. Although it does seem reasonable, to leave all of this behind; the heart break, the lies, and the sorrow, its also a lot to forget. And I'm just not sure if I'm ready to give up on Quentin yet.