Gone(rizzoli And Isles)

chapter 12

"Hey Ma."

"Hey, Janie. How are you doing today? Did you have your meeting with Cavenaugh today?"

"Yeah," Jane replied as she sat down on a stool at the counter next to Maura. "I feel ok, Ma."

"You girls want me to fix you some lunch, or do you girls have other plans for lunch?

Jane looked a Maura and Maura said, "Well, Angela I was going to see if Jane wanted to go out to the Common and grab a bite, maybe walk around, just get out."

"That sounds great, Janie. You and Maura go and relax and have fun. I will fix you girls a good supper tonight. I was thinking I might make your grandma's manicotti."

"Ooh, Ma that sounds awesome. It's been forever since I have had grandma's manicotti."

"Alright, you girls have fun and I will see you later tonight."

"Bye, Ma." "Bye, Angela"

Maura and Jane went to a little bistro located near the Common and Jane had a Reuben sandwich. She was actually enjoying herself. It was a beautiful day. She finally had an appetite again so the food was good, and best of all she was with Maura. Maura looked great. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a loose fitting top with a pair of boots. She looked so casual, but at the same time very classy. Jane could never pull that off. She had to dress up to be classy and then sometimes that did not even work.

Jane and Maura started walking around the common, getting a little exercise, a little fresh air. Jane had the overwhelming urge to reach over and grab Maura's hand, but she refrained. They came upon a bench and sat down.

"How are you doing?" Maura asked.

"I'm good. Really. It feels good to get out and not be cooped up."

"Just to say it again Jane," Maura said as she put her hand on Jane's thigh, "I am here for you if you just want to talk or gripe or whatever."

Jane felt the warmth of Maura's hand and it sent a small electrical current through her. She reached down and took Maura's hand in her own and held it. "I know Maur, and I appreciate it. I really feel pretty good, physically. I sometimes get a craving for that euphoric high, mainly when I feel down or feel self-pity. That euphoric high made me forget all that and I did not feel depressed. That is the hard part I guess, not having that escape."

"Jane, what did you do before the heroin when you felt like that?"

"I don't know, I guess I kinda would drink beer to forget, or I just held it in until it passed."

"You know you are going to have to refrain from alcohol too for quite some time. It could take the place of the heroin as another addiction, especially if it relieves that depressed feeling. Why didn't you just come talk to me when you felt like that?"

Chuckling, Jane said, "Maura, I did not want to burden you with all my crap. Still don't. I am not a whiner and I feel like when you tell people your problems, your whining. I just wanted to deal with my demons myself."

"Jane, you know I want you to "burden" me as you say. I want you to come to me and trust me with your problems. I want to be the shoulder you cry on and I want to help you through whatever it is that is bothering you."

"You weren't there when I needed to talk about how I lost my best friend." Jane responded hating it as soon as it came out, but it was true.

Maura pulled her hand out of Jane's and looked away. Maura knew Jane was right. Maura shut Jane out completely and talking to Jane or having Jane talk to her was the last thing she wanted before Jane was taken. "Jane, all I can say is I am sorry. I know I turned away from you and shut you out, but I was miserable during that time. I know now that it was because you were not in my life. Jane you have become a huge part of my life and when you were out of my life, it was as though I was empty or hollow inside. You weren't there. Your presence and life-force filled me and made me whole. With you gone, Jane, I was a shell of a person. Even before you were taken, I realized I needed to try to reconnect with you, but you were gone before I made the effort. Like I said, I thought you were gone, dead, and that all these feelings I had for you, you would never know I had."

"Maura, I am here now, so tell me, what feelings do you have?"

Maura knew she was in trouble. Great, Jane asked the one question to the one person who could not lie. "Jane, I...I.... I'm afraid to tell you." That was the truth, no hives.

"Why, Maura. I don't plan on going anywhere and I want you to feel like you can tell me anything. You keep telling me I can talk to you, well, you can talk to me. So talk."

"Jane, this is difficult. I am so afraid if we have this conversation that I will lose you again, with no chance of reconciliation."

"Maura, I don't know what you're going to say, but I cannot think of any scenario where I would be so upset that I would leave, end our friendship and never look back, so please, trust me in that and just tell me, what feelings you have for me."

Maura looked down at her hands that she was nervously wringing. She took a deep breath and decided that she would just get it out there and hope Jane did not run away. "I love you, Jane."

"I love you to Maur, so that's it. I am not going to go running."

"No, Jane, you misunderstand, I am in love with you." Maura said looking up into Jane's eyes. "I am in love with you and in a way which goes deeper and further than the friendship we currently have."

Jane just sat there listening to Maura. Jane still did not see the big deal. She loved Maura too. What does the "in love" change? As Jane continued to listen to Maura realization started to creep in. Oh shit, she is in love with me. This means as in a romantic relationship. This means as in sex. She is a woman and Maura is a woman so this means as in a homosexual relationship. But hadn't Jane felt the same way. In fact hadn't she almost kissed her best friends neck yesterday during their embrace? That is not a response to your best friend. Jane knew she felt the same as Maura after she continued to reflect on what she feels around Maura. She loves her quirks, her smell, she is so gorgeous, Jane gets fuzzy feeling just seeing Maura walk in the room, the electrical shock she feels when Maura touches her. Shit, she is in love with Maura. Maura has just put all her cards on the table, Rizzoli, what are you going to do?

As Jane just sat there having her inner dialog Maura was trying to get Jane's attention. "Jane. Jane. Are you o.k.? Did you hear what I said?"

Jane snapped back and realized it had been a while since Maura had confessed her feelings and Jane had not responded. She looked at Maura and saw utter confusion and nervousness all over her friend. She also saw Maura as beautiful in this vulnerable state. Her eyes looked somewhat sad, but full of hope. Jane reached over and took Maura's hand in hers and responded," Maura, I am not running. I have feelings for you that I think are exactly the same. But I have other feelings that I need to work through before I can give you the exact response, but I beg of you please do not leave me because I can't, right now, say the exact thing you said to me. I do not want to lose you and I feel like my feelings are such that I can admit that I love you, more than a friend, but I still have other things I gotta work through. Can you give me that time and not leave me?"

Maura smiled at Jane. She did not know what to expect when she confessed her feelings, but Jane staying and saying that she probably feels the same way but needs to work through some issues was unexpected and was wonderful. Jane had not run and there is a possibility that Jane and Maura could become more than just friends. Maura's heart was racing and her spirits were soaring. "Yes, Jane, I will give you all the time in the world to figure your feelings out," Maura responded leaning her head over onto Jane's shoulder.

Well, well, well, J thought while standing in his hiding place. It seems Detective Rizzoli is in fact in love with her BFF and her BFF is in love with her. This tidbit of information should be very useful.