Broken Home

Chapter 1

Hi! I'm basically rewriting this book since my 15 year old self wrote it. That was 5 years ago. It won't be any better but hopefully a bit.
THIS IS A TRIGGER WARNING. THIS BOOK CONTAINS ABUSE AND SELF HARM. AS WELL AS SUICIDAL TENDENCIES. DO NOT READ IF EASILY TRIGGERED. Enjoy.

Iris's P.O.V
       "Leave me alone!" I yell to my intoxicated mother before slamming the door. I fall onto my bed, listening to the pounding footsteps coming down the hall. My door swings open, hitting the wall. Probably making a bigger hole then before. My mom stands there with one hand on her hip and the other on the door frame holding herself up as she sways back and forth.
"Give me lip again. I dare you." She slurs.
"Get out." I say between gritted teeth.
She rolls her eyes.
"I don't have time for this." She laughs. I hear her mutter something under her breath before walking away.
"I wish you were never born."
Nothing new.
           When I hear her reach the bottom of the stairs I quickly shut and lock my door. I walk over to my bed and lift up my mattress, revealing a big bottle of cheap Skol vodka I stole from the liquor cabinet. I open it up and take a few gulps. It burned and tasted like ass. If my moms gonna be a drunk can't she be the kind that drinks good liquor? I grab my phone and text Dana.

Me: We still up for the plan tonight?
Dana: Yes, be at my place at 11:30. Bring the stuff.
Me: Okay. Love you.
Dana: Love you too.

      I look at the time and it's only 5pm. That's a long time to wait. I bring the bottle into the bathroom and turn on the bathtub faucet. I take off my clothes and hop in. The steaming hot water engulfs my body. Closet thing I can get to a hug these days. I giggle at that pathetic thought. The hot water stings my cuts a bit but nothing unbearable.
     I lay in that steaming bath, taking a few gulps from the bottle every now and then. Soon I don't taste it anymore. No burn, no flavor. Almost like drinking water. Thinking back to when I was a kid, I can't pinpoint when my life went to shit. My mom had always been on the verge of being an alcoholic while I was growing up. Now she's all in. She began hitting me when I turned 13. My dad couldn't care less about what she did to me. He would encourage it most days. He likes seeing me cry, it's sick.
     They don't touch my brother. He's the star of this family. He's gonna do great things one day. As if, he's a fucking joke just like the rest of them. He doesn't hit me like mom does but he doesn't acknowledge me either. I'm almost invisible to him. Maybe he's scared mom will beat on him too if he speaks to me. I'm tired of it all, being in this house drains every bit of my soul.
      I fall into my past memories, almost reliving them.

      I snap out of my trance and really feel the alcohol set in as I lay there, the water is lukewarm now. How long has it been? I carefully grab my phone and check the time. 6:48pm. I've been in here thinking for almost 2 hours now. I need to get out.
      I drain the tub and stand up. I clearly didn't realize how much the alcohol hit me because next thing I know I'm waking up on the bathroom floor. My head is throbbing. I'm able to pull myself up to look in the mirror. Blood is dripping down my face. I must've slammed into the counter because I had a nice bloody slit on my eyebrow. I was only out for a few seconds thankfully. Not that anyone would check on me but I got plans I need to be to tonight. I can't afford to die yet.
      I clean up the bloody mess and bandage my face up. After drying off I put on some black leggings and a big oversized hoodie. I have to be comfy for tonight. I put on some light makeup and let my hair air dry. Returning back to my room, I fall onto my bed again. Still feeling very drunk. I don't know why I kept chugging, it wasn't even good.
       It was now 7 and I was getting very impatient. I grab my phone and call Dana.
Ring
Ring
End.
      She ignored my call.
She's probably dealing with her stepdad. He is also a fucking joke.
I wait a few minutes then try again.
Ring
Ring
Ring
End.
I feel a little panicked but I tell myself not to worry, she's right next door if I need to go save her.
I try one more time.
Ring
Ring
Ring
Ring
"Hello?" She answers.
"Oh thank fucking god, I was beginning to worry. Are you okay?" I feel so relieved.
"Yeah girl, I was on the phone with someone else so I couldn't pick up. Wait, are you drunk?" She chuckles.
"Who? Wait- Oh my god was it Daniel??"
"Shut up... don't change the subject. But yes it was."
I make a gagging noise through the phone.
"Oh please, he's the sweetest guy I've ever met."
"Don't really mean much when you've only had one boyfriend and he was an abusive asshole."
"This is different. Plus we aren't dating, just talking. It's not like we're gonna be together anyways with what you and I have planned."
"That's true... Dana-" I hesitate.
"Yes Iris?"
I couldn't figure out how to put my thoughts into words.
"Come on spit it out." Dana waits.
"Do you still want to do what we had planned tonight?"
"Yes." She answers immediately. "Why? Do you not want to?"
"No no, I definitely do. I just wanted to make sure you weren't getting second thoughts."
"You don't have to worry about that Iris, I want this just as much as you do."
"Good cause I can't do this alone. Are we able to meet up sooner? Maybe at the Willow tree? I'm tired of being in this house."
"Unfortunately I don't think so. My stepdad won't let me leave my fucking room. He's a creepy piece of shit. Maybe come at 11 instead of 11:30?"
"Damn, okay. I'll be there at 11. I'm gonna go sober up a bit more and get everything ready for tonight. I love you!"
"I love you!" Dana yells before hanging up.

     I don't know what I would do without her. Dana and I have been best friends since we were 8. I remember watching as the moving truck pulled up to the vacant house next door. I saw a girl that looked around my age and knew she would be my best friend. Since then we've been through everything together. The good, the bad and the ugly. The very ugly. We were each other's escape. At 13 we'd sneak out in the middle of the night and sit beneath a certain willow tree, just making up ridiculous stories to get our minds off of the things going on at home. Maybe talk about boys.
     
      At 14 we'd hide in the bathroom stalls together during 7th period because Mr. Hansen was a creepy  douchebag that looked down girls shirts. I caught him rubbing one out during lunch period one time. In his own classroom. Absolutely disgusting. I don't think he works there anymore but I wouldn't be surprised if he did.
    
      At 15, Dana and I ran away for two weeks, best two weeks of my life. Sure we didn't know what we were doing and we could've gotten kidnapped multiple times, but somehow didn't and I got to travel short distances with my best friend. We were grounded from each other for two months after being found. That didn't stop us though. We would just take the beatings.
I wouldn't be alive right now without her.
     
        I pull myself from my thoughts and put on my converses. I dreadfully head downstairs and see my dad and my brother Nathan eating at the dinner table, my moms half eaten plate next to my fathers. She was in the bathroom puking I'm sure. They didn't acknowledge my presence once. Seeing the food makes me a bit hungry so I go to the kitchen to fix up a plate only to see there's nothing left.
"Do I get anything?" I turn to look at my dad. But I'm interrupted by my mother.
"Fuck no, not with how you spoke to me today. You don't get dinner. You could lose a few pounds anyway, I'm doing you a favor." She says before sitting down to finish her food.
"Funny, I was gonna say the same thing about you." I say before walking out the front door.
         I pop in my earbuds and hit shuffle on my playlist. It was the perfect weather, dark, cloudy, almost raining. Beautiful. I make my way to the willow tree and sit on the makeshift bench Dana and I made when we were 12. It's a shitty brunch but it works. I close my eyes and mean my head against the tree. Eventually dozing off.
          I'm woken up by the loud thunder booming though the sky, almost giving me a heart attack. I check the time, 10:13pm. I need to hurry and get home, it's a 30 minute walk back. I quickly collect myself and head back. As soon as I made it home I ran upstairs and grabbed everything I needed for the plans tonight. Including the vodka.
       As soon as I was done I quietly went through the back door and headed to Dana's house. The lights were out except for hers so her parents should be in bed.
I slowly slide her window up and climb through.
"Iris!" Dana hugs me tightly.
"Heyy." I smile hugging her back.
"Finally. My step dad was such an asshole today." She huffs laying on her bed.
Her step dad is an abusive fuck. I hate him. I'd kill him if I ever got the chance.
         
       I look at her arms that are covered in bruises. It makes my heart ache for her. She doesn't deserve a shitty life like this.
"You have everything?" She asks sitting up.
I nod and pull out the bottles. She smiles and grabs one and eagerly opens it.
"Wait wait wait. Don't we wait until midnight? And shouldn't we leave a note?"
She looks at me and sets down the bottle.
"Riiiight." She grabs paper and a pencil and quickly writes something down.
"Thanks for being the most piece of shit parents any kid could ever have. I won't regret this. P.S. yes this is all your guys fault, so don't let your friends convince you it's not."
She says aloud while writing.
       
        I grab a piece of paper and begin writing.
"Sorry it had to end like this. I'm just not happy. Mom, I don't get why you are so embarrassed by me. All I ever wanted was for you to love me. But instead you hurt me and degrade me. It's disgusting. Nathan, I don't know why you hate me so much. I don't know what I did so wrong. I don't know anything anymore. We could've been best friends. But you want to be the favorite child, the token. Well, congratulations. You are. Sorry for being a bad sister. And Dad maybe you shouldn't have knocked up mom if you guys didn't want me. You should've done me a favor and paid for moms abortion. It's your guys fault I'm like this. My blood is in your hands. I'll see you in hell."
I slam down the pencil and fold it up.
   
   "We should paint our nails before doing this." Dana suggests. I laugh at her offer but happily agree. We grab some nail polish and begin painting each other's nails. Taking shots of vodka while each hand dried. Dana locks and barricades her door then turns on the radio, Pompeii by Bastille begins to play. "Dance with me!" She pulls me up off the bed and we begin jumping up and down singing, well slurring, the lyrics. We begin to spin in circles repeatedly to see who falls first. After a few seconds I fall onto her bed laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. She joins me not long after, snort laughing. After we settle down and catch our breath I look at her.

"I'm gonna miss this..." I sigh.
"We're gonna be together afterwards. We will be able to do all of this, without our families. Just you and me." She assures me.
"Wait what about Daniel? What did you say to him?"
"Oh don't worry. I told him how lovely he was to me but I just can't do it right now. And to never stop being who he is. Blah blah, all that juicy stuff."

TRIGGER WARNING
I chuckle and grab her hand.
"Let's do this." I say finally.
We sit up and I take the bottles of pills out of my bag along with two clean razors. I gave her a bottle of my moms prescribed Adderall and I had my fathers Xanax. One by one we pop a pill in, washing it down with the vodka we had left. We would stop and giggle in between swallowing. This was finally happening. With my best friend too.
     When the bottles were empty we grabbed the razors and cut deep enough they couldn't be stitched. The alcohol really took away my pain tolerance. We lay down and grab each others bloody hand. "Thank you for everything Dana. I love you." I smile.
"Thank you for always being there for me.... I love you too. See you on the other side." She winks and returns the smile and closes her eyes. My vision started blurring then everything went black.

**********************

I hear a beeping noise and muffled voices. I begin to open my eyes but everything is bright and blurry.
"Where am I?" I manage to get out. My lips felt like the desert. Did this work? Am I free? My vision becomes clear and I see my parents at the foot of my bed.
  "The hospital. What were you thinking?! Scaring us like that?!" My mom replies with tears in her eyes. Which were obviously fake.
"Why am I here? Why didn't it work!?"
I begin to cry, my heart was racing a million miles a second. I should be dead. I need to be dead.
       My mom rolls her eyes and walks out of the room. My dad walks up to me "I read the letter. I'm sorry for making you feel this way."
No he's not. They're never sorry.
Wait.
"Where's Dana?" I ask.
He just looks at the ground. "I'm sorry.."
My breath catches in my throat. I swear my heart isn't beating.
"What. No." I whisper.
"No!" I say louder.
"She can't be gone!"The doctors came in and told me to calm down but I can hardly hear them.
"I should be with her! Why am I here!? Why the fuck am I here!?"  I begin ripping the needles out of my arms.
"She has to be here, she can't be gone." I try to get up but to doctors hold me down and stick me with a needle.
"I need to see her-"
Darkness consumes my vision.