Sweet Nightmares

Die

I look over the hill, over the ocean to the clouded sky. I got lost in thought about how dying was like, what the worst way to go was, and who would be affected be my death. It's not that I cared, just more of I wanted to know. I mean I am kind of a horrible person in a sense.

I believe 99.9% of the human population is full of idiots, morons, and assholes who either want to "lead" people or want to destroy it. I don't like the people who are just so... blind to it. I tend to be rude, cold, and snarky to most or maybe all.

My family sure they may be affected by my death but I kind of doubt that, I back talk, and argue with them most of the time and kind of wish them dead. My sister treats me like a punching bag, and starts to shit talk about me. I want snap her neck sometimes, and maybe rip her apart limb by limb, like i wish to do to most.

I guess the only ones that would be affected would be my pets, I'm there for them, and they are there for me. I saved them, and on multiple accounts they saved me. The cats would purr when I am sick or am having a suicidal moment. The dogs would lick my wounds, and just let me cry in their fur when I needed it.

It's sad though. They don't always stay, at some point in time they die and I feel like my heart breaks a little each time. One that I knew for the longest time passed, she was a sweet little dog. No teeth, and her breath stunk to high heaven but she was the best, and always there. The cat that i loved so dearly passed when I was nine. That cat only liked me out of the whole family, never knew why. I guess it was cuz I gave her space when she wanted it, and love when she needed it.

The ones I never want to die, go first, and the ones I just want to drop dead, never seem to. I hate it really. It all seems like a giant test for someone or something to watch as entertainment and/or to see if we can get peace or live in forever hell. All in all, this sucks. I hate it and I have to live with it. Never can change this fate and path I have choosen when I was created. Just have to keep up this hell for just a little longer.

But the voices may get to me, I don't know any more. Life is shit, people are shit, and heaven & hell seem like lies. But who am I to speak I'm just a nothing that will be forgotten. I'm okay with that.