A Thousand Tiny Wishes // Ed Sheeran

Chapter Eleven - Not Like That

                  
Madison

Sometimes it feels like I'm the only person in the world who knows what it feels like to have a broken heart.  It's like I've been targeted and pinpointed and I'm standing alone in a gaping fiery hole in the earth with no way out.  My mother told me it's normal to feel such a thing but she can't fully understand how it feels because her first and only love was my father and they're still as happy as ever. 

Kate talked me into going to Rob's house party and though I'd much rather have spent Friday night alone in my room, I reluctantly agreed to go.

"Don't tell me you're still bummed out about your ex," she said.

I'd been quiet on the ride when she'd picked me up and when she said the words they hit me like splash of cold water.

"I've just been thinking about him a lot lately.  I'm afraid something's happened to him."

Kate heard the concern in my voice and gave my leg a gentle pat.

"I'm sure he's fine, Maddie, you have to stop worrying and just try and forget him."

Nothing she could say would take away the worry.  She could promise me that he was safe or that he was doing well and I still wouldn't believe it until I heard the words straight from his mouth.  On the nights I couldn't sleep he would creep into my thoughts and I'd find myself dialing his number, but there was always that one single ring and the switch to his voicemail.

I'd wished that I'd had more time with Ed.  We'd spent the majority of our free time sat on my bed or against the tree in the park after, or sometimes during school, but I wanted more.  I had a handful of memories but it wasn't enough.  About a month before he left he wanted to take me for ice cream.  It was sweet the way he held my hand while we walked to the shop not far from our school, and once we'd ordered and gotten our frozen treats, his face went all red when he realized he'd forgotten his money.

I didn't think twice to pay for us but he was so embarrassed about it he could hardly look me in the eye.  The only thing that got him to stop beating himself up about it was when I took a bit of ice cream and smeared it all over his nose.  He nearly squealed in the middle of the shop and I was surprised we hadn't gotten kicked out when he got me back by slapping some of his against my cheek.  We had handfuls of little memories like that, but still I wanted more. 

Kate figured it would be in my best interest to try and drink away my heartache, but the alcohol made the feelings stronger.  I wasn't the type of person to drink away my problems and it hadn't helped that it'd be my first time drinking either.  While I sipped the cold beer I couldn't understand how anyone could enjoy the taste and with each swig, Ed crept back into my thoughts.

"You could say something, you know," a voice said and I snapped my head up to find the source.

Rob was sitting on the sofa with Kate under his arm.  I held the beer with both hands against my lap and gave him a small shrug.

"Sorry, I'm not much of a talker."

The first thing I'd noticed about Rob was his perfect teeth.  They were practically as bright and straight as the models advertising whitening products.  Even if I hadn't been so awkward and quiet, I would've choked on my own words speaking to him based solely on his good looks.  I could see why Kate had a thing for him.  Not only was he gorgeous and surely popular, he seemed like a nice guy.

"I was just kidding," he said before he unraveled his arm from Kate and took a sip from his own beer.  "So are you in university?"

"Not yet.  But I want to start applying.  You?"