I sit on the couch an empty whiskey bottle in my hand. A knock at the door brakes me from my thoughts of Matt. I stumble over to the door and open it.
"Faith..." Brian says looking down sadly
"Brian..." I say leaning on the door frame. "What is it?"
"It's Matt... Faith he killed himself..." Brian whispers. I start to cry, I feel my legs grow weak and I fall forwards into Brian's arms. I pass out in his arms.
When I wake up I feel someone laying next to me, I first thought is Matt, but then I open my eyes.
Brian.
I sit up, and look over at him. He is laying there with his eyes open, a tear streaming down his cheek.
"Brian," I say laying on my side facing him. He keeps his water eyes on the ceiling fan.
"I feel like it's my fault," I whisper laying my back looking up at the ceiling.
"It wasn't only you Sweetheart, it was partly me too." He whispers. I nod. I sit up and grab the whiskey bottle on my bedside table taking a long drink. I feel my throat burn from the liquid, I sigh and lay down still drinking the bottle.
"He's gone, He's really gone isn't he?" I ask more to myself them Brian.
"Yeah," He whispers, I can hear the pain and heart ache in his voice. I start to tear up and cry and I think of Matt smiling and laughing.
"He should be here," I whisper looking over at the picture on my bedside table. It was the day of the Seize The Day shoot and he was dress in a black tux, smiling happily at the camera. I stair at the picture until I feel Brain wrap his arm around my waste. I roll over and remove his arm from me, I glare at him.
"What?" He asks. "Get out," I say. "What?" "I said GET OUT Brian!" I yell as I shove him to get out of the bed. He hurries out of the bed. I get out as well, shoving him from the room and slamming the door in his face. I start to cry, I sit on the floor and lean my back on the door. I grab a close bottle of whiskey and chug it down. "I miss you Matt, I need you here. Why did I have to be so stupid? Why did I let you do this to your self?" I scream out in anger, more at my self than Matt but still how could he kill himself? Did I hurt him that badly? If I would have went and tried talking to him what would I have said if he did let me talk? Nothing, that's what. I can never face. If I have to, then I hope he still doesn't hate me....
