I N N O C E N T T H U G :: Started From the Bottom::

I N N O C E N T T H U G ::Fear::

"You can't go home, well not right now at least" he says rubbing my hand. I pull my hand away not liking the fact that i'm in here in the first place. "Well where is my dad?" i ask with a shaky voice. "he's in the hallway , as well as your mom and Amiah" he says. I frown "don't mention that backstabbing crack head to me" i say as i sit up slowly. Lloyd shakes his head " you can't stay mad at her forever" he says in a calm tone. I look at him with a glare and raise my eyebrow "wanna bet?" i ask. He gives me a look as the door cracks open, and in comes the party people. "India, you're alright!" Amiah says giving me a hug. I smile and hug her back, "by the way, i bought you flowers. for being a good friend, and to make you feel better" she says. I smile and grab them "they're lovely, i love them" I say placing them on the end table next to me.

"I'm glad you're okay  baby girl, the nurse said she will gives us the word on when you can go home, you won't be in here any longer." he says sitting down with my mother across from me. My mom has yet to open her crack fed mouth and say anything to me, so i did. "Cat got your tongue?" I say as my neck moves with the sass in my tone. My dad and Lloyd looked at me in a funny way as i stared at my mom. I didn't pay them any attention. She speaks, "I'm sorry this happened to you baby, i hope you get better, and if you need anything i'll---" at that moment, i become even more angry  "if i need anything?, heh! you weren't even there for 17 years of my life, so re-think of what you offer me" i boast out in anger. She chokes up, because i know i was hurting her feelings. "India! you watch your tone when you talk to your mother like that! Now i won't tolerate it for a second!" he says as he stood wagging his finger. Amiah and Lloyd aimlessly , speechless, and just watched. 

"India, you gotta learn to forgive" my dad says. I don't look at him, my mother and I have straight eye to eye contact. "India, forgive me baby, i'm sorry, i don't know how else to explain myself, all i want is my only daughters acceptance." I look at her and shake my head as i begin to choke up, thinking of all the birthdays she missed, the time she burned me on purpose with her crack pipe, it all kept coming back. "You're just so strong India, you and your father you guys are always together, i just want to be apart of that again" I look up from my gaze at the bed and give her a look "Coming back into my life won't make thing's go back to normal, this isn't about me" She lets out a sob as she walked toward me "please, tell me, how can i make you forgive me?" I shake my head looking at her "You can't you've lied to me, you need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!"

"I'm sorry, i just--" she gets closer and i move back cutting her off " I don't want to hear your excuses!!"  I say as a get up from my bed holding myself and walking over to my dad "India.. listen to her" he says holding me "India, please you're just so strong" I look at her once again "You're wrong! i'm not as strong as you think! i fell apart over this! I was in turmoil over how you deceived me, It felt like, i came undone" and for the first time in some years, i shed a few tears over this women "It's not easy being in control, i have weakness too, but i choose not to let them consume me, i struggle to stay strong because i know he impact i have on everyone" I say walking toward her and looking at her dead in her face. "Please understand mom you have an impact too, there are times were i look up too you for strength, you are your own person, you control your destiny, not me, not dad, but you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward... so i can trust you again" I say grabbing her hand. She looks at me crying  " you're right, i can't give up anymore".

I smile. feeling like a heavy burnden was lifted off my shoulder's. Finally I no longer can live in fear.