he was perfect ;; jeongcheol (svt)

seven

The next night, Jeonghan was unusually quiet. I thought he'd be talking my ear off about his new job, but he didn't. Instead he stayed silent except for a mumbled greeting when he came back home from work.

I walked into our bedroom and changed into sleepwear. When I turned around, I jumped slightly when I saw Jeonghan quietly standing in the doorframe.

"Jeonghannie? Is something wrong?" I asked worriedly.

Instead of answering my question, he trudged into the room and grabbed my hand. I let him drag me to the living room and he sat me down on the couch next to him.

"I have a story to tell." He said and it felt amazing to hear his voice properly after so long.

I waved him on and he sighed shakily. He looked on the verge of tears and I didn't like that. I hoped he wasn't still blaming himself for his mother's death.

"It's been bothering me the whole day and it's a story I've kept bottled up my entire life that only my parents and I know." he started and buried his face in the crook of my neck, something he always did when he didn't want me to see him cry.

"Now that I know just how important you are to me, I feel the need to tell you this," he sighed again, "I'm an emotional wreck and I don't want you to get too attached to me, okay?"

My heart fell metaphorically. Was he planning on leaving me? I couldn't live without him and it was too late because I was already so attached to him.

"I know, to you and everyone else, I seem happy and perfect but, I'm not. I'm a mess and no one has the right equipment to clean up, not even you.

"I know how much you try to make me feel worth it but, it doesn't work, no matter how much I love you. How can I love myself when my own mother didn't?

"My mum and dad didn't want a pretty, gay son, they wanted a normal kid that I couldn't be..."

"But Jeonghan, what is normal?"

"I don't know but that's what they wanted and I was never good enough," he pulled away from me and his eyes were bloodshot, "you don't understand though because you really are perfect!

"You call me perfect but you're the perfect one here and I don't deserve you because I know you're gonna end up getting tired me and my imperfections."

"I could never get tired of you," I cooed and grabbed him back into a hug, "you mean the world to me."

"For now.."

"Stop that!" I scolded him, still holding him in my arms.

It was silent for a while as Jeonghan calmed down.

"You know..." he suddenly whispered, "when I was 13, I tried to hang myself."

My eyes widened and I forced him to look me in the eyes. He looked drained and in pain, but still so gorgeous.

"I failed though because my neighbour found me when she came to return a bowl she borrowed from us," he shrugged as though it was nothing, "my mum didn't even bother to call the hospital, she just let me hang there.

"The neighbour was disgusted at my mother and moved out two weeks later," Jeonghan laughed softly as I stared at him in disbelief, "imagine, I could've been dead by now."

"It was fate that we met then." I smiled halfheartedly.

Jeonghan nodded before cuddling into my chest and closing his eyes.

"I love you more than anything," Jeonghan mumbled, "never forget that."

I couldn't help but feel that he was going to do something drastic. I was scared but, I tried not to worry too much. If Jeonghan really did love me, he wouldn't leave me without a good reason.