Me and You

Therapy sessions

everyday seemed so hard, i didnt want to get up i didnt want to go college i just wanted to sleep all day, dad hadnt even noticed that i hadnt been to college in two weeks he didnt seem to notice anything about me anymore, we hadnt spoken since the day he showed me those leaflets all he did was get up and go to work come home and go in his room, i never wanted this to happen all i ever wanted was to make both my parents proud and it seems my dad isnt until i decide to become what he wants me to be.  i thought back to when my dad spoke about me meeting boys and i think now im never going to meet a boy who would want me? im not good enough! my teacher phoned me today and asked why i hadnt been in college for a while she said i really need to work on my art if i am intending on going to the summer arts fayre i wasnt sure if i was going to go or not, she said i really need to think about it because the entries had to be in by next week. 

because i had been feeling so sad i decided to have some therapy sessions the ladies name was Louise Sterling who would be helping me in the next six weeks to get to the root of the problem "so tell me sally tell me everything" where do i begin i thought, i looked at her she was sat there in her arm chair with a white blouse and grey skirt with black high heels, she had minimal make up on and had glasses on that looked like she could be a teacher. She got out her notebook and pen and sat there waiting for say something i didnt know where to start "well, my mum died when i was just ten years old she died from cancer i was very close with my mum she always believed in my dreams " "tell me about your mum" louise asked "my mums name was Christine, she worked in a big company which sold properties all over the world,she had beautiful blonde curls and she used to wear red lipstick which i often watched her put on she always looked beautiful my mum, her and my dad met when they were 16 they always told me that they felt love as soon as they met they were soulmates, they had me when they were 24 and 25 when i was sad mum used to sing to me to make me feel better" "what about your father? are you close with him?" i paused, me and dad had been close when mum died we used to do everything together but since i didnt want to do what he wanted he had stopped talking to me "we used to be, after mum died we did so much together then all that stopped when i joined college to do art" "your father doesnt approve of you doing art?" "he wants me to become a nurse and do something that isnt a waste of time he thinks art is just a hobby he doesnt want me to be disapointed if my art doesnt work out, i told him this i want to do i have been good at art ever since i can remember i just want him to support instead of forcing me to do something i dont what to do" "your father seems to be afraid of loosing you, he has lost your mother but doesnt want to let you go as well, he seems to want to control you because you are all he has, maybe talk to him about it " i wanted to scream at her i have tried talking to him about it he just doesnt want to know "maybe invite him to come to one of your sessions it may be benfefical to both of you, i want you to go home and write in a diary everyday about your dad or anything else that happens and come back to me next week and we will explore this more. she gave me this little diary in write in i felt like anne frank telling all about my day, louise said i could even give my diary a name i decided to call my diary christine so i could talk to mum. 

so day one of my sessions....lets see how the week goes !

Monday 5th May 2005

"dear christine, today i finally went back to college, my teacher was pleased to see me i told her  i had been feeling unwell which wasn't a total lie, i threw myself into my art and decided i was going to do the summer arts fayre after all i thought it would make me feel better to do something pro-active and something to focus on i was asked to produce a portrait it could be of anyone i wanted i knew who i was going to do the only person who believed in my dreams...mum. 

Tuesday 6th May 2005

Dear Christine, i have been working on my portrait today i have the image of you in the bedroom brushing your beautiful blonde curls, im trying to get the colours just right, you in your pin stripe suit, red heels, red lipstick this memory brings a smile to my face because thats when your were happy just brushing your hair making yourself look beautiful.