Me and You

college

"hi dad" i just came in from college i had a good day been doing lots of art work getting ready for the summer arts fayre "hi sweetheart, i was just looking over some hospital work for you, i was talking to one of the doctors and he said you could do a placement there" i was shocked i didnt know where this was coming from i thought dad had accepted i was doing art, he had all these leaflets in front of him of all different places i could volunteer as a nurse, this was something i only mentioned when was i younger "dad, what is all this? why are you getting in contact with hospitals? " "you need a back up sweetheart" my heart sank my dad didnt believe in my art, mum had always believed in my art and told me to go for my dreams but somehow my dad didnt it made me feel like i was a disapointed to him "a back up? dad ive told you many times art is my thing, art is something i am passionate about, ever since i was four years old i always use to draw and i loved painting as a child, mum always believed in me why cant you? " "sweetheart i do believe in you, i believe you can be something good something that can help other people save lives" " dad im gonna be an artist i do not want to work in a hospital it would be a waste of time for me and its not something im passionate about at all, what is this about dad? why do you want me to give up something i love?" it was the same old argument id been having with him for years now dad had always wanted to me to become a doctor/nurse he always said art was just a hobby and i needed a proper job i wish i could convince him this is what i want to do with my life it made me feel so sad that my own father didnt believe in me. i looked at him but he didnt look at me he looked disapointed, he got up and just walked away, in these times i wish mum was here and i could be 6 years old again and sit on her lap and have her sing to me, she would tell me everything was going to be alright and i could achieve my dreams, at the same time i didnt want to disapoint my dad i didnt know what to do and things got harder for me from there. 

"mum, i wish you were with me, i look out the window every night and see the brightest star and know you there but i need you now i need you tell me what to do, i need you to tell me i can do this and and dad is just being silly, oh mum things are so hard right now, i love doing art but yet it seems im disapointing so many people because of it, even grandma thinks i shouldnt do art, she really is dads mother isnt she! i miss you so much mum i miss your blonde curls, i miss your smile im at the stage in my life where i need my mum oh mum tell me what to do because i dont know anymore im feeling very sad and lonely and i wish i could hug you" 

i started feeling so low even art couldnt help me, i started painting really sad pictures i kept thinking about dad and how maybe i should do this doctor thing, i didnt want to disapoint him after all he had pretty much raised me on his own the last 8 years my teacher mrs brown asked me what was wrong but i didnt know myself every night i would come home feeling worse and at a loss as to what do with myself i was scared and i really needed my mum.....