Me and You

Unresolved issues

i went home feeling really nervous i didnt know where to start with dad, i had never gotten him to open up before i knew mum had a hard time with it i remember one time dad didnt have a job and he was really stressed and i know he didnt like the fact that his wife was working and he wasn't it caused problems in their marriage for a while and i know mum tried getting him to talk but he wouldnt i went back to what louise had said "men don't tend to share their feelings" but i knew if i didnt try me and dad would never get this resolved. i walked in and there was dad sitting at his laptop doing some work he looked at me and just smiled and went back to working "dad, i think we need to talk" he stopped typing and looked at me "About what?" i sighed men were really oblivious "about us dad, about our relationship, about me about dylan about you everything, i just think we really need to get it out in the open" he sighed "i don't know what you want me to tell you sweetheart, if you want to see this boy then fine im not gonna stop you anymore" i was so furious this was more than just about Dylan "You think i am just talking about Dylan? dad i didnt go to college for two weeks and you didnt even notice, ive been going to therapy and you didnt even know, you have not been supporting me in what i want to do you keep me pushing me to do something else and i just want to know why you are doing that? i know you lost mum but this is what i want to do and if your afraid of loosing me as well, well that isnt true dad" he looked at me stunned like i had stabbed him in the heart had i finally got through to him ? "When mum died i was terrified, i had this ten year old girl to look after she had always done everything for you, she had always been the one to comfort you, the one to tuck you at night, the one who talked to you about your fears you and her were so close i didnt know how to compete with that, i was worried you were going to reject me, i thought i had a failed as a father i did nothing for you and a part of me was glad i had you all to myself for a change but it was all new to me i didnt know what to do thats why for a while your nan and grandad looked after you they were helping me out after a while they did speak  to me and told me that my daughter needs me because she has lost her mother and needs me more than ever and yes for a time we became close and  i felt like a dad for the first time in my life and then you became grown up and started making your own way in life and i just felt like i was loosing you again and a way for me to keep you close was to try and get you to work at a local hospital so you would be near to me, i do support you in your career but a part of me wanted it to fail so you would do what i wanted i know that is selfish but i didnt want to loose you and now you have this boy i guess i just miss my little girl"  i wanted to cry, i had no idea about any of this, he was right mum had done everything for me and me and dad hadnt been close but when we were i was happy i had my dad "dad when you started showing me those leaflets and i said no i felt like i was disapointing you that what i was doing wasnt good enough i was angry at you and then dylan came along and i had someone to talk to about it, Louise my therapist suggested i speak to you about all this "you could never disapoint me sweetheart i am so proud of you i wanted you to be a nurse but i know now how unhappy that would have made you, i must admit i saw your portrait of mum and thats when i realized that your my daughter and i should be supporting you no matter what you do you are a very talented artist and that portrait is beautiful mum would be proud of you as well" i finally had my dad back the happy dad that i had been wanting back for ages now, mum had saved the day again like she always did i felt like a huge weight had been lifted and i could no longer feel like i was disapointing dad i told him about the arts fayre that is coming up and i am going to put mums portrait in and there is going to be people from galleries there who are going to select one persons work to go on display. "i will be proud to go with you darling, i love you" my heart welled up dad had never said that to me before i hugged him tight " i love you too dad" 

i woke up feeling happy me and dad were finally ok and our relationship had become deeper if i was having a bad day i would tell dad about it, if i was working on new piece of art i would tell dad about it he was becoming like my best friend something that i had never had with him, Dylan is supporting me all the way we still meet up usually on a friday night we talk for hours i told him how i got dad to open up to me and how we are getting closer "i am so pleased you have worked things out with your dad i hated seeing you so sad over it, there have been many times when i wish i could do the same with my dad " i felt bad Dylan hadnt seen his dad in years and there was me going on about mine and how close we were "Dylan, im sorry i dont mean to go on about my dad" he looked at me shocked "What? No its fine, my dad walked out on me and my mum when i was very young he wasnt very nice to  my mum or so she says anyway, she said she caught him cheating with another woman it had been going on for years apparently my mum was heartbroken she loved him so much and he did that to her and now he is still with that woman and is married with two kids, i hate him for what he did to my mum but what hurts is that he has done it to me as well just cast me away like i dont matter to him, mum says im better off without him and maybe she is right but i would still like to find out if thats true" my heart bled for him, he wanted so much to have a relationship with his dad just to get some closure with him, if i was Dylan i would want to find out as well "have you tried contacting him?" "yes, ive sent letters but ive never got anything back from him not that i know of anyway it was years ago the last time i tried" "Maybe you should try again just one last time then you will know for sure! dylan i can see you want to see him and i can understand that if he does reply you could meet up and talk to him and get some closure at least then you can have some answers" he looked at me with a smile and looked into my eyes..."i love you sally..."