"Pill diet. Pill diet. If they give you a new pill then you will buy it, if they say to kill yourself then you will try it."
-Sippy Cup, Melanie Martinez
It started out as a mission. "Don't eat, you'll lose weight. Just go two more hours without eating, maybe four." My mind would tell me.
But that mission soon turned into hunger and then that hunger turned into an addiction. I was addicted to the feeling of being hungry.
It was like this high when I would fast. It made me feel lightheaded--empty. It was absolutely a euphoric feeling. i wanted to feel it forever and ever so I prolonged my fasting. Those four hours turned into six and eventually to days.
"Just don't eat for another day. Not only will you feel gorgeous, you'll feel amazing."
i didn't care about the lightheaded feeling I got when I stood up, that was a trophy to me. An accomplishment.
Food soon turned into my enemy. I hated eating with a passion. It made me sick to even look at food. In all honesty, I didn't even see food. All I saw was calorie amounts. I started to loathe the thought of food. Food occupied my mind day and night, I wanted nothing more than to just forget it existed.
But god, what I would do for a piece of chocolate....
"No." I muttered to myself as I wrote in my journal.
I was in my school's library, avoiding lunch like I did everyday when I was suddenly bombarded with the overwhelming urge to stuff my face with junk food.
i can't
I've gotten so far.
A voice popped into my head, a voice that had been so apparent lately that it seemed as though it were a part of me now. "Why are you even thinking of that, fat ass? God, look at you. You're disgusting, you can't even think about anything other than food. No wonder you're still fat."
'I'm not fat." I argue.
"No? How do you explain that little pudge on your stomach and that fat on your thighs?"
'Those are natural.'
"No, they're not. They're hideous just like you."
I stayed silent, chewing on the voices words, they filled me like an actual meal.
Suddenly, I didn't feel hungry anymore.
YOU ARE READING
Don't Eat.
Teen FictionDon't eat. I shouldn't. I don't need to. It'll lead me away from perfection and why would I want that? All I have to do is not eat and then I'll be that perfect Barbie that I've always wanted to be. That's not hard to do so why not? What's the worst...
