The fear of numbers is a fear like no other. It controls your life constantly, it doesn't just appear when the circumstance is appropriate, it's always there. Gnawing in your mind, egging your anxiety on.
The fear of numbers causes extremes. Anything above 100 scares me. Calories, weight, etc. the number terrifies me. Perfection to me is going below this number, being able to live my life without the fear of inhabiting the very thing that made me shiver in my boots.
130 is another fear. It represents the start. The start of my spiral of madness. It's where I began and it's where I'll end. If I ever get back to that number, I would end. It would be the death of me.
Numbers are a terrible thing.
They cause me to not eat. They cause me to be horrified at the thought of a food that has anything more than the caloric density of 100. It makes me frightened to be at a healthy weight. It makes me strive for unrealistic and deathly weight goals so that I may live life comfortably.
And yet I know that as my journey progresses, my fear of numbers will too. The numbers will continue dropping and getting lower, until I do the same. Until I reach 0. Until I become nothing.
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Don't Eat.
Teen FictionDon't eat. I shouldn't. I don't need to. It'll lead me away from perfection and why would I want that? All I have to do is not eat and then I'll be that perfect Barbie that I've always wanted to be. That's not hard to do so why not? What's the worst...
