Incarcerate

Entry Eight

Entry eight

22-07-2012

These horrid nightmares, they come every night and curse my sleep. I feel so trapped in them and night after night, it becomes harder to break free from their grip.

I saw her again, the Asian girl, she was lying on the floor with blood pooled around her head, but this is pretty normal, I see it almost every night. What made this scarier was that there was Grace in it. She was kneeling down by the girls head and I was on the other side of her lifeless body. Grace’s eyes were big saucers of fear and her hands were trembling as she held on to me. At first I thought her fear was because of the lifeless corpse that lay besides her but I didn’t understand why her eyes were pleading with me. Then I followed her twitching gaze that kept switching from me to someone in front of us. I thought it was Arlo but when I looked, it wasn’t, it was Shay. His hands were firmly holding a gun pointing at me and his storm grey eyes were expressionless, dead. I closed my eyes and waited for the bullet and even though the loud bang came, the pain never did. I opened my eyes and Grace lay next to the Asian girl, dead, her eyes still open with the gaze full of fear permanently frozen in them. That’s when the screams started. I couldn’t help crying over the beautiful girl that lay next to the brave Asian; her mahogany skin now tainted with a disgusting maroon. I snapped to Shay with horror and anger. I wanted to scream at him, blame him… kill him. He beat me to the last part because when I turned, the black barrel of the gun was positioned on his temple and he had a haunting grin spread across his lips. I screamed for him to stop, I screamed at him in accusation and I cried, cried because I hated that I didn’t want to lose him too. I was disgusted with myself but I couldn’t help my feelings.

Very soon, my dream echoed with the white noise of the shooting gun and as he fell to the ground, my world started shaking and crumbling. Fear filled eyes surrounded me as the floor around me violently quivered and shattered. I woke up. Woke up to Shay’s bewildered grey eyes. I felt relief wash over me as I felt the warmth from his hands travel into my body, and for a moment, just a fragment of a moment, I let my wrecked mind believe that he cared and that we’ll get out of this, together.

Reality’s a bitch though, because my determined brain drilled the facts in my head right away: Shay (No surname) is not the good guy.

I wanted to ask him to lay with me and hold me close to him. I wanted to beg him to make the nightmares disappeared. I wanted to cry to him like the 6 year old me and I wanted him to say sweet nothing while I let all the built in frustration out, but my pride would never permit me to do such a thing; I hated my pride at that moment, but I hated my heart more for craving such nonsense in the first place.

I was back to cold masked Aalia; I swapped my face with the emotionless one that I had mastered to such perfection. As my mask came on, Shay closed his eyes and let a labored breath out, he saw that I was back to being angry little me. His face was a picture of frustration because his eyebrows were knit together and his lips were turned in a slight frown. I wanted to run my thumb over his brows to straighten them and calm him. I wanted him to smile. Before my thoughts took over my actions, I took control.

“Why are you still here?”

“You were having a nightmare,” he warily stated

“That’s none of your business, get out!” that sounded harsh to my ears too but it had to be done. For the first time he didn’t resist or get angry, he just tiredly got up and started making his way to the bolted door. I looked at his retreating back and my heart give a traitorous tug in his direction. He looked so defeated. I wanted to ask if he was feeling well but before I could say anything, his previously sagging shoulders shot up to their full straight glory and he turned to face me with a hundred watt grin. His grin is beautiful, but I was confused as to why he was smiling like a moron so I just gave him a questioning look.

“Thanks for the blanket,” he said smugly. I bet my eyes almost popped out their sockets. My mind screamed “He noticed?” and I wanted to give myself a nice big smack because, of course, he’d notice. I didn’t know what else to do so I settled for just staring at my lap like a real doofus.

“say you’re welcome” my mind muttered but my tongue was tied due to the embarrassment. I can be so stupid sometimes that it even stuns me, I mean come on, he needs to think I hate him and  what nineteen year old adult acts that way. I just dumbly sat still as he almost skipped to the door with his goofy smile.

As soon as he walked out, my own smile broke out. I realized I love seeing him grin like that, he looks less… tormented. I’ve never seen that playful glint in his eyes and for once, he looked his age. I wonder why that small and simple act made him so happy. I wanted to groan because maybe I let my soft spot slip into plain view but this once, just this once; I kept smiling because I liked how it felt on my lips.

“You forgot to thank me for wiping your tears, Shay,” I whispered as the last bolt clicked into place.

I felt better, a little normal. Actually that was the most normal I’ve felt since I’ve walked into this hell, and heck, feeling that good after a nightmare is unheard of.

I miss Grace.

I wonder if I can ask Shay to check on her.

Shay: the kidnapper who’s not-so-bad. The kidnapper that makes my heart skip a small beat. The kidnapper I have to work really hard to hate.  

-End of Entry.

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A/N- [Unedited] sorry this chapter is a little small! but enjoy it anyway, and show some love please :) Read, Vote and Comment.

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Dodo