Let My Love In ~ Omelia

Demons

        "When you feel my heat, look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide. Don't get too close, it's dark inside, it's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide."

*****

        The past. A simple concept that can make most people cringe with either regret, fear, disgust, or embarrassment. Put simply, not many people look back on their past fondly.
        But there's a difference. A difference between the people who think about their past and regret the fun they never had, or the fun they had too much of, or regret a certain fashion faze they followed, or regret not pursuing the handsome stranger they'd met on the bus during summer of '85.
        The other side of the equation, are the people who physically cannot think about their past without the flashbacks, the violent shaking, and the uncontrollable tears that come with the pain and suffering and emptiness they've felt in those past years.
        You might ask why. Why doesn't the pain go away? Why can't you fight back the tears after all this time? Why does your past still come crawling back at 2:00am when all you want to do is fall asleep and forget it all?
        Because trauma does things to you.

*****

        Trauma. Something that Owen Hunt was all too familiar with.
        Trauma can mean two things. Trauma can be a surgical field that deals with emergent situations and injuries, requiring you to spend most of your time in the E.R.
        Or trauma can simply mean a physical or mental traumatic experience. You may have heard of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, better known as P.T.S.D.
        Coincidentally, not only did Owen Hunt struggle with PTSD a while back, but he was also the head of traumatic surgery at Grey Sloan Memorial.
        Dr Hunt was in his early 30s when he first signed up to do a military tour. He was on the surgical team, meaning that he wasn't out on the front line, armed and with ammunition, but he was saving the lives of those who were. But when his entire platoon tragically died, he was honourably discharged.
        So yes, Owen had his fair share of trauma.

*****

        Amelia Shepherd was a whole other story. Ultimately, a similar story, but a different one.
        Her past was rocky, rockier than others'. That may sound selfish, or arrogant, but it was true. Her past wasn't a pretty story, it's most impressive that she's gotten to where she is today. The head of neurosurgery that is.
        Going back into the past of Amelia Shepherd, you will find many late nights of feeling so empty, but filling that void with drugs. You'll find a baby that never lived to take it's first steps. You'll find a morning after an overdose to find nothing but the corpse of a boyfriend lying next to her. If you go way back, you'll find a loving father getting shot in the head and bleeding to death in front of a five year old child. And now, going not so far back, you'll find the death of her only brother.
        Amelia Shepherd and trauma are no strangers either.

*****

        Owen sat with his head in his hands, alone, in the on-call room that he'd been spending more time in than usual, lately.
        He barely uses on-call rooms, the chief of surgery has an office and not much time for sleeping.
        The feeling that flooded him as he thought about the first time him and Amelia Shepherd found themselves alone in this very on call room was something he couldn't quite put his finger on.
        It was a new feeling, that was certain. But maybe it was one big feeling that was made up of a thousand different ones. It was new, and he didn't like it.
        A plane crash. He thought to himself, still clutching his head and rubbing his temples vigorously. I called us a plane crash. A freakin' plane crash
        He was mad. Mad at himself, mad at Amelia, mad at Derek Shepherd, mad.
        He regretted calling what he had with Amelia a plane crash, but it needed to be said. He knew that he was right. He just never planned on hurting her like this.
        It dawned on him that the whole reason he decided to quit while he was ahead with Amelia was because he was afraid of getting hurt by her. Now he was the one that had hurt her.
        He looked up suddenly. It had to be done. She may be hurt, but I'm not, it's every man for himself. If that wasn't the biggest lie he's ever told. He was hurt. He was hurt and disgusted with himself that he could say such a thing to Amelia. Amelia Shepherd of all people.
        Owen Hunt could never live by the rule of every man for himself if he tried.

*****

        Amelia didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to do, or where to go, or who to talk to. She knew one thing, she couldn't leave the hospital. God only knows what kind of trouble she could get herself into, what kind of trap she could fall back into. She'd worked too hard to let Owen Hunt force her back to where she started.
        Somehow, she found herself alone in a supply room. Keep it together, breathe, don't fall apart, don't do it, keep it together. She kept repeating to herself in her mind, she knew that if she started to feel now, it would all come out.
        But as hard as she tried, she couldn't keep the tears from falling. She clutched the metal bar of a shelf as her small sobs continued.
        It was so stupid, she kept thinking. Her whole life had been so stupid. Derek had survived a plane crash and getting shot in the chest, but was killed because some stupid doctors couldn't even do their stupid jobs.
        She was so stupid to think that her and Owen could have ever worked out, she should have been prepared for this from the start. It shouldn't be hitting her this hard. She had been so stupid.

*****

        Though your world may stop when you fall apart, nobody else's does. Owen Hunt and Amelia Shepherd were still doctors, there was still work that needed to be done, lives that needed to be saved.
        Owen stepped out of the on-call room, swinging the door open with anger, at the very same time that Amelia tentatively opened the door to the supply closet and wiped her eyes, not that it made much of a difference, she was certain that her makeup was as used mess.
        The two locked eyes unexpectedly for  split second, before Owen quickly stormed off toward the E.R and Amelia sighed before heading off to check on her patients.

*****

Song is "Demons" by Imagine Dragons.