Intertwined Hearts

Reality Kick in the Ass

So that was it, I was pregnant. And it was certain to be Slash's baby. Steven was right, I was messing with him the most at that time and nobody else. And it couldn't be Axl's.
I couldn't believe it; and I didn't exactly know what to feel. I felt some happiness, but there was a soreness in my stomach. I thought about telling him, but I was emotionally too afraid to speak to him. I was afraid that he had moved on, due to the fact of him telling me that he was " living in the fast lane" he could be sleeping with other girls. I wasn't ready myself. So I kept it to myself. I didn't even tell Steven. I stopped the smoking, and the drinking.

" Let's play a different game," I was at a small thanksgiving gathering with Steven and his two girls. We had been playing games they taught me all afternoon, and it made me think that in months I'd be having one of my own.
" You know what I bet you cannot do," I looked over at the unclean dining room table; condiments from dessert were resting there. So I grabbed a cherry, ate it, and then presented the stem. And seconds later, I pull it out of my mouth, " Voila. A knotted cherry stem. Can you do that?"
" How'd you do that?"
" When you can tie a knot in a cherry stem with your tongue, it means you're a good kisser."
" What's going on in here?"
" We're getting lessons on how to be a good kisser." giggled Liv, and she blushed, turning to Steven.
" Putting them lips of yours to work!"
He laughed, and shook his head, and the rest of us did as well.
" Sorry to spoil your fun, ladies. Rose, can we go for a walk outside for a bit?"
" Of course--catch you on the flipside!"

So he takes me outside, and shuts the door slowly as we walk along the deck.
" What's up?"
" Your baby. You're pregnant, aren't you, Rose?"
I sighed, and he knew that he was right, " Yeah."
" How far along?"
" A few months."
" Did you tell the daddy?" he asked me sarcastically, knowing the answer.
" No," just as he's about to open his mouth, " But let me explain myself! I didn't tell him, because...because I felt it wasn't right. I can do this on my own. What if he's forgotten about me? What if he's already got another girl? ....What if he doesn't even want a baby. I know that I don't have the strength to have an abortion."
" And you will not, " he answered, " So, you want to keep living your life with all these questions, that didn't get answered because you wouldn't trust your gut and call him??"
" Well when you put it that way..."
" Once again, this ain't healthy. I can only do so much, man."
" I think that I can survive as a single mother for now."
" From what I've heard, he isn't doing too well himself. You and I know he's not giving up drinking, I think he's been at the heroin."
He popped up into my head; I could imagine him in pain, desperate, " But this is your choice. I think that both of you are in a lot of pain physcially and mentally, and the cure is for you two to have eachother and help eachother."
I thought about him, and how my heart still cared for him, and how much pain and anxiety I was in, and how much happy we were when we were together. A tear shed down my face, and he gave me one of his good hugs.

" This life, your living, ain't you. What happened to that little girl that smiled all the time?"
" Why are you always right."
" Lots of experience. Things will get better, and then they'll suck...and then get better."
I laughed.
" But it all starts with you, baby. You need to get your man back."

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