Intertwined Hearts

Tragedy.

I drive home from the doctors, tears rolling down my eyes and the weather seemed to clash awfully with my mood. It was a sunny beautiful day, and I was a mess. Once I drive up,  I see slash isn't home, so I'm going to have to wait. The doors open, and I'm greeted by my dogs, the only babies I have.
I sat on the couch, in silence. I didn't want to say anything or do anything for a while. I had to let things sink in.
I would wait until Slash arrives home.

"Hey there babe," he grins, walking in with a box of pizza, a pack of cigarettes and some vinyls, " I got us dinner tonight, you like meat lovers, right?" I didn't say a word but nod my head, and he sets them down on the counter and comes over to sit next to me. He kisses my cheek, and then tries to slide his lips down my neck but I turn away, and fake a smile, " Today was fucking great, things are lookin really good you know? Wow...what a great start to the year. I think, I'm gonna get there, Rose. I really do."

My throat became so sore, I didn't even want to breathe. I closed my eyes, I wanted to die. Just right there, plunge me with a knife and put me out of my misery.
" I'm sorry that I haven't been around. Work, you know? Trying to get there...but don't worry everything's fine with me.....I wanted to get a pizza to show I was okay, you know? Spend the night together, just you and me."
" I went to the doctor today.....to check in and have an ultrasound....just to see the baby boy...the doctor hooked me all up....and he looked.....and looked.....and looked....and....he didn't see anything......it was gone....fucking gone...the sack was empty."
" Huh? What do you mean? What what gone?"
" OUR BABY. Ours.....I found out it was a miscarriage."
It was silent for a long time, as I tried to wipe the tears off my face. It felt as if I was stoned to death. I hugged myself really tight, My heart was thumping so hard, and beads of sweat ran down my forehead.
He had absolutely nothing to say, he didn't know what to day. His expression was blank.

Then, He put a hand on me, " Well...let's call it a gain not a loss, huh? And come on, it's not like we can't make more babies-"
" Gain not a loss?" I hissed, " Gain not a loss?? What am I gaining in--self hatred? That's such an insensitive statement to say!"
He looks at me in defeat, as is if there was nothing he could say correct.
" What point is there to miss? How would you even know? I could get pregnant again and the baby would be dead before we even planned a  fucking baby shower! After I had told everyone; my mother, my close friends, all my family....after they congratulated me..."
" Rose, relax-"
I bet you're so happy about this aren't you? You're so happy that you don't have to deal with your inescapable responsibilities that were aggravating you! Well lucky for you, Saul, it's your lucky day--that you don't have to grow up anymore, you can go back to your normal routine. You won't have to worry about being a good father because what the hell for?"
" Now stop it! Knock it off!" He took grasp of my shoulders and shook me hard, and I frowned.
" You're acting like this such a good thing, Slash!  Like I should be thankful! Do you even know how much this meant to me? You're acting like I'm not even allowed to be upset!"
" You don't know what you're talking about- "
" I know exactly what I'm talking about. Exactly! Don't tell me what I know and what I don't know!"
" What makes you think that?? I'm not saying you can't be upset! I never said that! but I don't want you to fucking hate yourself and beat yourself up!"
I shook my head, trying to hold back tears, but they just came rolling.
" Why the fuck would I ever let you say something as to I fucking hate myself! What do you want me to do? Go along with it? Tell you that it's all your fault? Hit you?"
" No." I said solemnly, swallowing tears.
" I feel like there's nothing right for me to say...if I say one thing I get yelled at if I say another I'm yelled at...Fuck! I never know what you want, Rose!"
"...I want a family."
" And I want a drink."
There was a long pause,  " Where did you go last night." I changed the subject.
" I told you, I went to a gig." He answered, shortly annoyed.
" NO. Where did you go AFTER the gig."
" Why are you even so worried anyways? I just had a few drinks alright? Is that bad? Since I can't get any fucking drinks in my own damn house cause you fucking took at of my booze out! Is that okay? Do I need your permission to go get a fucking drink? Do I need you to fill out a fucking form with your approval."
" That's enough."
" Maybe this preparation is just too much for me, maybe it's too much for you. This preparation for a kid fucking sucks. Maybe we should stick to just fucking. This baby wasn't working anyways. It hasn't did anything for us but stress the shit out of both of us. We can't even fucking enjoy each other anymore cause we got this thing in the way."
" What's stressing the shit out of me wasn't the baby, it's YOU AND YOUR STUPID DRINKING PROBLEM!"
His face was pure irritation, " I don't have a drinking problem." He walks away from me, towards the kitchen.
" Oh then maybe it's the herion problem."
He froze, his fists clenched, then sighed, and replied, " What on earth makes you think that?"
" I talked to Axl the other day, he told me you need to clean up yourself before you all start rehearsing again because you and Izzy have been too busy 'dancing with Mr. Brownstone.'"
" That fucker." He mumbles under his breath.
" So I'm guessing this is true? You've been shooting dope?"
He didn't answer, and it's made my stomach drop and my throat throb hard, "
He turns around and and looks at me, with kind eyes, " No baby, I'm not using heroin. I'm not."
" I don't believe you."
"  I am not! I may be drinking too much than my body can handle but I'm not shooting herion alright?"
" You're right. This baby thing didn't work. Because even though I tried my best to be sober, and not to smoke so much, and prove that I very well COULD be transformed into a mother, you were there, dying, killing yourself. And that is nobody's fault but your own, Slash."
" Don't you think things happen for a reason?  This wasn't our time...were too young. We should be enjoying eachother. Don't you trust me?"
I sigh, " I worry about you....a lot. I wonder what you really want to be when you 'grow up'." There was another calm silence, that made me somewhat content, " I love you, Slash. I love you."
It took him a minute to really grasp what had happened, and he cleared this throat, " I love you too Rose." He opened his arms to me, lovingly, and I fit right in, " Thank you."
" For what?"
" For not leaving me. Shit, I would really hate that." He hugged tighter.

**There you have it! Haha this right here is what took me so long. I couldn't decide if I wanted to do it or not. And now that I did I really like it. There's still more to come with this tragedy so PLEASE comment and vote!!!!!!!!!**