Fall Away (Sequel To "Holding On To You: A Twenty One Pilots Fanfiction")

sixteen

I'd been staring my phone screen for a half hour now, contemplating whether or not to call Tyler, who was apparently my boyfriend. 

I pressed the call button timidly. It rang once, and then I hung up. I wasn't afraid of how he would react. Honestly, I just didn't care to talk to him. And I surely didn't want him to rush back here and try to get me to remember. 

My phone buzzed in my hands. 

A picture of Tyler and I lit up my screen. We were kissing. I cringed.

I answered on the last ring, just in time before it went into voicemail. 

"Hello?" 

"Jessica?" Tyler asked, stunned. 

"It's me," I said, unenthusiastically.

He was silent for a moment or two. 

"I- I- I'm speechless..." he finally said. 

"Tyler," I began. 

"What did the doctors say? Is everything normal? Is-" 

"Tyler," I interrupted. 

"Say my name again," he said. 

"What?" 

"Actually, say whatever you want. I just need to hear your voice," he pleaded. 

His sappy-ness was irritating. 

I paused. 

"Jess?" he asked. "Are you there?" 

"Mhm," I replied. "Tyler... listen..." 

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Are you okay? Did the doctors say something? Tell me," he begged. 

"I don't remember anything from the summer," I blurted out. 

Damn. That's not how I meant for it to come out.

I let it sink in.

"You what?" he replied. 

"My last memory is from when I was still at school. We were broken up." 

I heard him breathing. Besides that, he was dead silent. The silence lasted for a few minutes.

"Tyler?" I asked.

And then the line clicked dead. He hung up on me.

I was upset... not because I wanted to work things out with him; honestly I didn't. I would have been perfectly fine with being broken up; I mean, it had been my decision in the first place. I was upset because I knew this news would kill him. But even more, I just wanted Dean to wrap his arms around me and tell me that everything would go back to the way it was. But with my life, I knew that was impossible. 

****

I was going crazy. I hated hospitals. The doctors were making me stay here for a full five days after I woke up, even though all of my tests came back fine. It was day three. I didn't know what to do with myself. I had gotten up a few times to walk around the hospital. It didn't help, it only reminded me that I was in a building filled with sick and dying people, which made my anxiety worse.

I wanted to call Dean again, but he'd sounded so uninterested last time I talked to him. He'd said to call him once I was out of the hospital, which would be in two days that I knew would feel more like three years. 

I also wanted to call Tyler, to hear that he was okay. But I knew he wasn't, and I didn't know what I could possibly say to him that would make it better. 

I opened Tetris on my phone. I played a couple of rounds, but couldn't focus on it. I wanted visitors, someone besides my parents, but all of my friends were at school. I'd only texted a few of them, since I'd woken up. 

The nurse came in with a small round pink pill that was some kind of antibiotic that I still had to take. It made me drowsy, so I couldn't wait to take it. I just wanted to fall asleep so I didn't have to think about anything. My head was pounding, so I asked her for a painkiller in addition. She came back with another pill. 

"Now expect to be very sleepy," she said, "These two drugs together will increase your drowsiness. If you need anything, press the call button on the remote." 

I laid in the uncomfortable bed and waited to feel tired. I started to cry, and then my eyes began to get heavy. 

****

My eyes flickered open as, I repositioned my tired body to get more comfortable. Someone was sitting in the chair across from my bed. I squinted and focused my eyes. 

It was Tyler. Of course, he'd come home from Europe or wherever he was to visit me in the hospital. 

His head was cocked to the side, his eyes shut, his chest expanding and contracting slowly. He'd fallen asleep sitting up. 

I looked to my left to see a bouquet of flowers on the bedside table. I picked up my phone to check the time. It was 3:21 in the morning. I guess I'd slept through the entire evening.  

I debated whether or not to wake him. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to address the problem that was keeping us apart. But at the same time, I was desperate for a friend. So I picked up the little stuffed "get better" bear my dad had gotten me, and threw it at him. 

It hit him right in the head, and he snapped awake. 

"Jess, hey," he said, tiredly. "What time is it?" 

He was much more calm than I expected. 

"Three twenty five," I said, checking my phone again. 

He got up and walked over to me. He picked up my hand and held it with both of his. I could tell he didn't know what to say, as he just stood there silently, avoiding eye contact with me. 

Finally, after several minutes of silence, he stepped back and said, "I guess I was hoping that seeing me would trigger your memory." 

He let out a sigh of frustration pacing the room.

I had thought that before too, but clearly, it hadn't worked. 

"I'm so sorry Tyler. I want to remember. I want to remember so badly." 

"Maybe you're not trying hard enough. Let me guess, you're in love with Dean," he said with disgust. 

"Maybe I'm not trying hard enough? Is that what you think? You think I want to have a chunk of my life missing from my memory? To rely on other people to tell me how I spent the past two months? I would do anything to remember!" 

He was quiet, still pacing. 

"And yes, currently I am in love with Dean. Because that's all I know... my last memory of you is our breakup, for God's sake! I mean obviously something changed how I felt about you, but you can't just expect me to see you and feel it again." 

"I shouldn't have come," Tyler said, eventually. 

"See this part of the reason I broke up with you! We run into a problem, and what do you do? You run from it. You don't face it. You blame it on me and walk away. What did you do when I called you and told you I lost my memories? You hung up on me! Real mature Tyler." I raised my voice. 

The nurse interrupted. 

"Is everything okay in here Miss Lightcap?" 

"Actually, I'm very tired, and I think it's time my visitor leaves. He's rather good at it," I glared at Tyler. 

Tyler had so many emotions on his face. Anger. Hurt. Sadness. Confusion. 

"You heard her," said the nurse, and with that he was gone.