You and Me still hurts- book 1 - Lawson Fanfic

Part 7

I made my way downstairs with Joel firming holding my hand. Joel went off into the livingroom to help Adam and Jason clean up the mess from the party last night and I trailed off inti the kitchen where I found Ryan scoffing down Oreos with a cuppa tea. I grabbed the next Oreo in his hand before he could eat it and took a bite grinning at him whilst doing so.

"oi scab!" he smiled at me, "soball unpacked?" he asked.

"yeah, with no help from you!" he laughed at me. Typical Ryan, he would always offer to help but he never would.

"right then, go get changed and we'll head into town!"

"why?" I gave him a puzzled look.

"stocking up! Adam needs some more drumsticks and I'm gonna buy you a cardigan so you can stop knicking mine!" he shot me a smile before getting up to put his cup in the sink.

I quickly ran upstairs to find a top to wear. I couldn't decide on Queen or The Beatles so I just grabbed a random purple polo top from my bottom draw. "isn't that mine?" Ryan said standing in the door way. We always shared things, I used to practically live round Ryan's house so whenever I went home I went home in one of his t-shirts that he had lent me and it just became mine with time. I looked up at him, "yeah, you gave it to me ages ago!" he looked puzzled. "Ems why would you keep some old top I gave you years ago?" he asked. I thought for a seconded taking in what he had said, "I dunno... I guess when I left I wanted to keep you with me so I always kept your tops and wore them to bed and to college, and, well, everywhere really!" he smiled before hugging me. I missed Ryan, we still didn't really catch up like we said we would but the day was still young.

"come on," he said, "let's get outta here before we get but on cleaning patrol!" he laughed.

He ran downstairs and grabbed his car keys whilst I followed. I stopped on the bottom step as Joel came into the hallway and asked where we were going.

"going town mate, d'ya need anything?"

"naaa mate, just bring my girl back as beautiful as she is now and I'll be fine." he said looking into my eyes with a smile. He grabbed my waist and pulled me in, kissing me softly in the process. I know I'd only known Joel for a day but it was like we'd known eachother for years like me and Ryan had!

"I love you baby." he whispered in my ear. In some ways I didn't like saying the word love because I felt it got tossed around alot but I couldn't just not say anything and saying I love you sound way better than saying I only just met you but I really really really really like you! So I replied to his gesture with "I love you too." but just as I was about to kiss him back Ryan honked the horn outside. "oi ducky get ya ass out here!" he yelled. So I grabbed my bag and made it for the door, my heart still racing from kissing Joel.

Ryan already had the radio on full blast when I got in, he looked at me as I put me seatbelt on. Ryan was always very pertective of me ever since I was eight. When I was eight I was walking back from school on my own without Ryan because he was in holliday with his family and I got to the bottom of the road and had to cross over, and it was that day, that one day I wasn't with Ryan I was hit by a car. Ryan blamed himself for it even though it wasn't his fault, the car was going over the limit and I was listening to my iPod so I didn't exactly hear it coming but from that day Ryan was more aware of what I was doing.

After half an hour we got into town and parked up in our usual place at the very top of the car park. He would always park there on purpose because he knew I was petriffied of heights!

"come on!" he grabbed my waist and picked me up carrying me down the stairs, I held on tight instead of wriggling free, I didn't want him to drop me.

Our first stop was Starbucks, we would spend hours sitting in there talking when we were back in high school. Ryan looked at me as if to say now watch me show off!

"I'll have one americano and a luxuary hot chocolate extra whipt cream with mini marshmellows, chocolate drops and a hint of carmel favouring for the lady." he turned around and stuck his tounge out whilst the woman behind the counter took down the order.

"you got a well trained boyfriend there miss." she said passing our order over the counter.

"oh he's not my.."

"oh sorry, it's just you two looked so good together I just asumed." she oppologised. I looked over to Ryan who was waiting by the door for me. I never thought of Ryan of something more than a friend, but the more I look at him the more I can see how beautiful he was and how I've always loved his smile and his eyes and how my heart stopped whenever he touched my waist!

No! I couldn't be, I was with Joel! I couldn't love Ryan!

"you coming." He yelled shooting me a smile. I followed him out the door and to the bench where we always used to go on a sunny day in town. I couldn't help but stare at him, he had changed, my perspective of him had changed.

"so.... When did you and Joel get together?" he asked looking down at his feet. I didn't really know how to reply, " erm this morning I guess, when he kissed me." I could see Ryan looking sad, I didn't understand why though!

"It was just a matter of time before it happened I guess..." Ryan trailed off and started stiring his coffee. Wait what did he mean?

"Ryan what's wrong?" I asked looking into his eyes, those eyes which weren't sparkling like they always did.

"you wouldn't understand!" I hated it when he did that!

"Ofcourse I'll understand Rys! I'm your best friend! You can tell me anything!"

"No! No you won't understand ok!"

"just try me!"

"Emily I can't tell you, not now!" he was really starting to fustrate me now! Why could he just tell me?

"Ryan just tell me for gods sake! I hate it when you say something and then you won't explain! You know I don't like it and I always get it out of you so why bloody do it?" I stood up and went to walk away as he grabbed my hand and pulled me into him, his hands on my waist as he leaned in and kissed ms stealing my breathe away!

"Emily, I love you! I always have! But I couldn't tell you, I was affraid of loosing you! Your the best thing to ever happen to me and now your back and Joel's gone and snatched you up before I had the chance, the chance to be with you!" I stared into his eyes, those eyes which were sparkling again I didn't know what to say so I kissed him! I knew it was bad because I was now Joels girlfriend but something inside me wanted Ryan! He was perfect I just never saw it and now I didn't want him to let go! I was a bad person but I didn't care! I had Ryans arms around me and I felt safe!