Luck, Lust and Lana

The Indecent Proposal

Just as quickly as it began, the concert drew to a close. Lana ended with a killer rendition of "Off to the Races," and then proceeded to venture into the audience. She greeted numerous fans. Unfortunately, I was not one of them. My spirits were crushed as she apologized to the screaming crowd for having to leave. She thanked everyone, gathered the hoards of flowers thrown to her onstage, and exited with grace and poise.

On my way out, my head hung low. I thought tonight was really the night. I was going to meet her, tell her my story, and we would become fast friends. However, that didn't happen. I am surrounded by numerous excited fans who met her. They are all proclaiming how incredible she was while waving around an autographed picture. This stings. As I turn the corner of the stage to exit the pit area, I feel someone grab my arm from the bushes.

I'm taken aback, it is Chuck. "Hi!" I exclaim both excited and confused. She laughs, "Hi! I'm Chuck. I enjoyed photographing you. I really appreciate your enthusiasm and character when I took that photo of you. The picture turned out great! You wanna see?" As I profusely nod, she whips out her camera and surfs through her photo history. "Here, it's great right?" she asks handing the camera to me. It's not only great, it's incredible! The photo is a gem, but I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that Chuck Grant is standing in front of me giving me a compliment. "It's amazing!" I proclaim. She smiles, "What is your name?" "Cait, Cait Ray," I say shaking her hand, "it is an honor to meet you! I am a huge fan of your photos!" "Well thank you, Cait. It is certainly nice to meet you, as well!" she responds with a smile. Just then, she grabs me by the hand and leads me into the bushes farther behind the stage. "Listen, the real reason I am here talking to you is because you seem really cool. After some shows, Lana and I like to pick a fan or two to come hangout and chat. Would that be something you'd want to do?" she asks. Wait, WHAT?! What the hell did she just say? Come hangout with her AND Lana? No one pinch me, I must be dreaming. "I would love that!" I try to say with a cool persona. I can't show her just how much I am freaking out on the inside. "Sweet! Did you come here with anyone?" "Nope, just me! Lame, I know..." I say laughing. "No that's great!" she responds excitedly. It struck me a bit odd, but whatever, I'm about to fucking meet Lana Del Rey! Chuck continues saying: "You'll need to hang here for another fifteen minutes or so. We don't want people to get suspicious, nor do we want anyone to see you walking back there. If you could also not tweet or tell anyone you're coming back, that would be great. It's kind of a special thing and we don't really want it to get out." "Alright!" I exclaim, "I'll wait right here!" She smiles and exits back towards the stage, "Great, I'll see you in a few!"

Twenty minutes have gone by as I've patiently been waiting on the side of the stage. This entire time I've been running through my head everything I'm going to say to Lana. How I'll introduce myself, how I'll compliment her, how I'll explain how much her music means to me, etc. This has to be perfect. This is my one shot, I can't blow it! I don't know how long I'll have to make an impression on her, so it has to be good. I want to act cool, but not unrealistically cool. I just mean I don't want to embarrass myself and swoon over her crying or anything. I don't want to come off as that fan. As I'm running through all the possible conversation topics in my head, an older woman in a yellow security jacket approaches me. "Are you Cait Ray?" she asks seriously. "Yes, yes that's me!" "Come with me," she demands. She leads me to an entrance behind the stage that is completely gated off. Security is on high and I smile as I pass everyone I encounter on my way. They must think I'm some weirdo or something. Like, 'what is she doing here?' type of thing. I begin to freak out a bit as we enter the stage from the back. Oh my god, I am actually backstage! Here, I see numerous crew members scurrying around trying to quickly break down Lana's intricate set. I also see her pianist, Byron. 'Why is this happening to me?' I think as I follow the security woman.

As we leave the stage area, we enter a hallway full of doors to various rooms. We pass several and then arrive at the last door. "We're here," she says. Full panic has set in. I'm on the verge of completely losing it out of sheer nerves and excitement. "Before you go in, I need you to read through this and sign it," she says handing me a packet of papers. "If you need time to read it, take it. I'll be waiting here when you finish. Here's a pen." I'm deeply confused. A stack of papers? It looks like some form of a contract. "What is this?" I ask curiously. "It's an agreement to ensure Lana's privacy and safety. It basically states that you can't share anything about what is said with the tabloids or really anyone for that matter." "Oh, so like a non-disclosure agreement?" "Exactly," she says. Amongst all this suspense, I don't feel the need to read it. I mean, it's basically saying things I already know about how not to incriminate her, hurt her, etc. It's just a precaution, everyone must have to do it.

I flip to the last page, sign, and date the agreement. I anxiously hand the paper and pen back to the woman and take a deep breath. "Awesome. Well, I guess you're all clear to go in then," she says knocking on the door, "good luck." She then walks away and leaves me alone at the door. "Come in," I hear a familiar voice say faintly. This is it. This is the moment I have so eagerly awaited. Behind this door is my idol, I can't fucking believe it! I take a deep breath in and begin to slowly open the door. 'Here goes nothing' I think to myself.