Drowning (A Phanfic)

Chapter 4

~Dan's POV~

❌❌TRIGGER WARNING❌❌

I take a deep breath. My heart is racing. Its better this way, I think. I start to write the note, my hand shaking. I explain everything in it. I write what happened, and why I'm doing this. I explain that it has been going on for a while. I try not to let any tears drop onto the paper. This is the last thing I'll say to him. He won't even know until later. Until its too late. I write for him to make the announcement on his channel. I write that he can have anything of mine that he wants. And then, at the end, I write something I've wanted to say for a long time. "I love you, Phil." I leave the note at my desk where he'll find it, and go back to my bed. I've already removed the makeup covering my scars. I don't have to pretend anymore. I look down at the gun in my hands. I hold it up to my head, and say, "Its better this way." Then, I close my eyes and pull the trigger.

❌❌ END OF TRIGGER WARNING❌❌

I wake up in my bed, shaking and sweating. It was only a dream, I tell myself. Its not real. I take deep breaths. I want to tell Phil about my dream. But I can't. If I tell Phil, then he'd know about my depression. And I don't want to tell him about that last part. No way. I get out of bed and go to the bathroom, where my pills are hidden. I practically run, keeping my back to the wall, because I don't want to turn on the hallway light just in case Phil's awake. I get the pills out from their hiding spot and open them. I never take them. I don't want to have to take pills to be happy, and its not true happiness anyway. I take one with some water, and go back to bed. I don't go back to sleep, though, because I'm too afraid that dream will return. I don't want to have that dream again. After the sun has been up for a couple of hours, at ten I get up out of bed. I see Phil already downstairs, watching anime. "We should film for PINOF9 today." I say, "Then we can just upload it tomorrow." Phil shrugs. "Sounds good to me," He says through a mouthful of cereal. "Cool then, I guess."

~Phil's POV~

After we eat we start setting up the equipment, because it was still in Dan's room. "Dan your room is so messy." I say. He shrugs. We film and go through the questions, some of them odd. The most odd one was probably "Pretend to seduce Phil." After we finish filming we work on editing the video. I am so much more creative than Dan when it comes to editing. We don't finish editing tonight, we decided to do the rest tomorrow. We get dominoes pizza and then Dan updates his fanfiction,and I update mine. I read a Ryden fanfic that I will never get over. (A/N: It's the milk fic) I go on tumblr and follow some phan pages. I usually follow a lot of phan pages just so they can be like, "Phil followed on 2/12/21 I can die happy". I never attract a lot of attention to myself though because I am actually an awkward snail.

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Sorry for not updating yesterday guys and for the short chapter today. I'm sorta at a writers block. If you have any ideas dm my instagram @//fangirl_of_phantasia or just comment below! Also, I dont usually do shoutouts but if you could read my friend @FandomsForLife11 's phanfiction that'd be great.

-Keep fighting, C