Stay with me, let's just breathe (Eddie Vedder FanFic) | Completed

Chapter 3 - Past

  I was so cold...
I opened my eyes slowly and looked at the white walls and floor. "Did someone kidnap me?" But then it hit me: Chris's house. Shit.
I was lying on the floor, the cold bathroom floor, right. I rolled over to the other side, and I saw Eddie "Did we sleep together?" - I thought trying to remember what really happened, a smile forming in my lips.
I was confused, cold and I had a massive hangover. This couldn't get any worse. I got up and looked around: I was feeling dizzy... weird... like I was going t... I ran to the toilet: "puke..."- I thought.
"Shit. Shit. Shit. Can this get any worse?"- I thought again. Eddie was still sleeping, thankfully. I pulled my hair back and tied it up, got up my feet slowly for my stomach not to get weird again and tried to open the door: Locked. "ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!" - I almost screamed.
I hit the floor, with my back to the door, and started crying... Why? I don't know why. I broke. It doesn't happen a lot, but sometimes I just cry over nothing like this. I wanted to go home, take a shower and sleep for twelve hours straight.
- You ok?
I put my head up. Eddie. He always knew when to appear.
- Ye... No...
He didn't say anything. He just sited next to me also with his back against the door and put his arm around me. We just stayed there, looking at the cold bathroom floor. Eventually, we fell asleep again, and when I woke up, the door was open and Eddie was putting on his t-shirt.
- It's 12:46. We better get going before Chris sees all this mess - he winked with a cute grin.
I got dressed, and we got outside. "Obviously" - I thought when I saw Stone parking his car, right in front of the entrance. I looked at Eddie and he looked at me with a smile:
- What? - He giggled a little. I started laughing and entered the car.
- Where too, miss? - Asked Stone, smiling too.
- Home - I answered, smiling at Eddie.
Stone started driving, and I went the whole trip looking at the window. Eddie was different, I was different, I liked it.
- We're here! - Smiled Stone.
I got out of the car, and I saw that we were at Eddie's house, again. I didn't mind it this time. It was where I wanted to go.
Before we got inside the house, Eddie shouted to Stone: "Come back by seven, oh, and... bring the band" - He smiled and turned to me.
We turned around and got in. Everything was the same as the day before. He walked me to his room, and then laid down on the mattress, and I sited next to him, with my back to the wall, looking to the selling. After a few silent minutes, he said:
- Sorry about being so rough yesterday...
I looked down towards him and giggled:
- That's ok, I didn't mind, did I?
Moment of silence again. That mystical atmosphere was forming.
- Say something - I said looking at him and seeing he was smiling like a little kid who got his fist kiss.
- What do you want me to say? - He asked.
-I don't know... Something - I answered.
- Ok — he said — Something! - He finished doing some weird jazz hands.
We both laughed. He looked at me and reached for my hand:
- Thank you - He looked at it and kissed my knuckles.
- For what? - I asked.
- For yesterday - He said, with his eyes shining.
A second went by.
- Any time - I smiled.
He smiled too. I laid down next to him, and he held me close like he was doing a few hours earlier.
- Were you always this nice? - I asked.
- Not always, but I should have been - He said.
A few minutes went by.
- You know... - He started to say, as he turned to me -... Stone can't interrupt us now.
I smiled:
- No — I said, as I was approaching him — He can't...
We got closer, and on the second that our lips touched, my body lighted up again, the door smacked again:
- You left the front door open, man!
I couldn't believe it.
- YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME... - said Eddie.
- What did I do? - asked Stone, playing "innocent."
- Oh, please Stone! - I said while sitting on the mattress.
- But, wha...
- DUDE! - said Eddie, sitting as well -...what do you want now Stone? - he calmed himself down.
- I...
- Well? - I said, looking at him.
He looked at Eddie - I talked to them, and they can come here! - He giggled.
- Oh, ok, thank you Stone, anything else? - asked Eddie, being a little sarcastic.
- Hmm, no. I don't think so - Stone said while picking up one of Eddie's guitars, and sitting on the floor.
Me and Eddie looked at each other:
- Are you going to stay here? -asked Eddie.
- Yeah, I was planning to — He said — Can't I?
Eddie looked at me again, as he was asking: "can he?" so I gave him a look like "I don't mind" or "whatever". Of course I didn't want him here; I mean he was cool and fun to be around but he interrupted me and Eddie again and I was liking where it was going so Stone staying was not something that made me thrilled about. But he was our friend, and for Eddie to say "no, you can't stay here" was rude and unpleasant, so I smiled towards Eddie was I was saying "it's okay, I don't mind."
The fact that Eddie and I didn't even started what we were planning on doing was driving me crazy.
- Yeah, why not. - He said, a little upset.
Stone picked up one of Eddie's guitars and the two of them improvising something. Eddie laid on the mattress next to me again.
I spend all the afternoon there. Sitting on the mattress, listening to Eddie and Stone improvising and trying to come up with some new songs. Eventually Stone started smoking and Eddie joined him, so I knew that that was going to be a fun day. How can they feel so free and powerful while playing? I didn't get it, but I admired it. They just picked a guitar and start playing like it was so easy... That's the word: easy. Eddie made everything look so easy! The way he sings, the way he plays, the way he lives... And that was one of the things that made me respect that man so much.
He was a dangerous man, a mysterious one, and I knew that I was never going to be his because he was far more amazing then I thought.
Stone made me wake up from my thoughts:
- Hey, Cass?
- Hmm. ..what... yes?
- Weren't you listening? - Stone asked, shocked.
- Listening to what? - I asked.
Eddie started laughing.
- What? What's so funny? - I asked.
Eddie was still laughing.
- What? - I asked again, looking at him.
- You miss, just missed the great Stone, the improviser, improvising something that he says that was awesome! - He said, before starting laughing again.
- What? Shut up! It WAS awesome! - Stone said.
- Oh yeah, so why don't you play it again ? - said Eddie, still laughing.
- I was IMPROVISING! I DON'T REMEMBER! - said Stone, before starting to laugh too.
- What the hell is wrong with you two? - I asked giggling.
- You are the one that is not laughing! You are the one with a problem! - Said Stone, still laughing.
- He's right... - said Eddie, giggling to.
- Oh my God, you guys are nuts... - I said, while getting up from the mattress.
- Noo... - said Eddie, pulling me to the mattress again. - You - He paused and looked at me. - ... you are going to stay here...
I knew that it was going to be a fun day. They were on the "oh-my-god-i-shouldn't-had-smoked-that-because-now-I'm-nuts" part. It was so funny but i was the only normal person in there, so to see their faces was even more funny.
- Uuuh... Eddie is going to getting lucky today... - said Stone, half winking half laughing.
- What? Who said that? - Eddie asked.
For a moment it all went silent, but two seconds after we all started laughing.
I enjoyed this moments with them. I know it's just me and two guys, and sometimes we are going to develop feelings for each other like I did towards Eddie, but I didn't care, I enjoyed this moments with them.
Before I moved to Seattle, I used to change country a lot with my brother, and since my father died that we were living in my brother's van. When we started living there my brother was 19 at the time, and I was 14, so we were always traveling from country to country, because we needed money to buy food and fuel. My brother as always been really tall and well built, so he could easily pass by a 22 year old man. The only problem was that he got really bad behaved when our father died, and he couldn't keep a job for more than 2 or 3 weeks, and because of that we had to be always changing location.
I barely knew my father because he only cared about Joe (my brother). My mother and I were almost invisible to him. He only talked to us to ask "Where's my dinner?!", and I hated it.
My father didn't want a girl. He wanted to have two boys, so he was very happy when Joe was born. But then he had me. A girl. He blamed me and my mother until the day he died. Lung cancer they said. My father used to smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, among other stuff. Once, I tried to hide he's cigarettes, but when he found out what I was doing he got really mad, as I never seen before. He punched me in the face and then he went to pick up a piece of rope. I was crying really loudly, so my brother got up and tried to calm me down. When my father got back and saw my brother with me, he screamed "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!", and pulled me out of the house. That was the only time that my father screamed at my brother. He tied my arm to a tree near our house and said: "IF I GET HERE IN THE MORNING AND YOU ARE NOT ON THIS EXACT PLACE I WILL CUT OF YOUR ARM!".
At the time I was 10 years old. I wasn't really smart or anything, but I knew that old town very well, and I was smart enough to cut the rope with my teeth. I went to a friend of mine's house. Patrick. Or Milkshake, as we called him. He used to have that British look: pale skin with blue eyes and blond hair. When I got there, there was no one home. They moved, I found out some years later. I was all alone on the dark of the night. I end up in a felled full of grass, green and beautiful grass. And that was the place where I grow up. Literally. You know when you see a 9 year old girl playing and you think "Oh, she is so innocent, thank God she hasn't grown-up yet!", well, I did. At the age of ten, I grew up.
The majority of people only get out of that phase at the age of 17, maybe 18. But not me. I was forced to grow up. And I was ten. That night I lost all faith in humanity. I lost all my willing to live. I lost my sweet and innocent thoughts of a ten year old girl. I lost it all. But I gained one thing. The sense of reality. I didn't know if it was good or bad, and I still don't, but I had it.
In the returning walk home, everything was different. It was like everything was dead. Or maybe it was just me. I looked at everything with no magic, with no emotion. I looked at everything with despite, with rage, with anger, with feelings I did not knew until that day.
I got near the tree, and I saw that there was a bag under it. I opened the bag: a piece of rope and a note. I read the note: "I got you some rope, I think you will need it. Don't worry, he is not going to notice that it is tied up differently, he is going to be to drunk in the morning. I'm sorry for everything, Joe"
And Joe was right. My father didn't notice it. And you know why? Because the next morning he was dead. Lung cancer, due smoking. See the irony? I tried to save him by hiding his cigarettes, and the day after he was dead. Joe and my mother cried. I didn't. For me, my father was dead since the day I was born. I don't mind talking about my father, but I do mind talking about my mother.
She was really great until my father died. After that she didn't have money to pay the bills, so she started doing things to earn that money. I don't like to talk about it. I never do. I lived more three years with her, until the point where my brother and I couldn't take it anymore. We were both tired of all these people coming to our house and asking "Where's Shella?". We both knew why all these people were asking about "Shella", and that's why we had to leave her. We couldn't take it anymore.
So my brother and I get in the van and drove, far far away from the country that watched us grow.
- Cass? Cass?
- Cassie?
- Camon, answer me!
- Hey, Cass?
I woke up from my thoughts. Eddie and Stone were calling my name.
- Hum, what? - I said.
- JESUS! You scared us! - said Stone.
- The band is here, Cass - said Eddie - Are you ok?
-Hum, fine - I said.
- Hey, Eddie! - I heard Jeff saying - I brought a friend, I hope you don't mind. - Stone said as he looked up to see the guys entering the room, smiling.
- Oh no, that's fine with me, the more the best! - said Eddie - Where is he?
And then I felt my heart falling to the floor.
- Hey - said "the friend" entering the room - What's up ?
I swear that tears started falling from my face.
- Cassie? What's the matter? - said Stone, as he went to hug me.
My eyes were stuck. I couldn't believe it. The friend was...
- Milkshake...? - I whispered.  

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written in 2014
rewritten in 12/12/2017
rewritten again in 15/07/2018