Remembering Us

The First Date

   "Mom what do I wear for a thing like this?" I yell up the stairs at her. I walk back into my room when I hear her footsteps.

   "Well do you know where he's taking you?" She asks. I lay on my bed and stare up at the ceiling.

   "Nope!" I say popping the P. "I know absolutely nothing!"

   "Blakely you will be fine. Carson is a good guy, he was always good to you. There is nothing to worry about." She says sitting on the edge of my bed. I don't doubt that Carson has always been good to me, I can tell just by the few times I've spoken to him that he is a caring person. I'm actually worried about myself not being who I was before, the Blakely he was in a relationship with before. What happens if I say something that offends him that I should have known about or what if I don't meet his expectations? I sit up and bring my knees to my chest and rest my forehead on my knees. My mom rubs my back and just sighs.

   "Worrying will get you no where, it doesn't matter what happened in the past, what matters is right now." I look up at her.

   "Mom I remembered a total jerk, I remembered all my years of elementary just because I saw Liam, after talking to Andrew I remembered pieces of him and Kayla, Jazz too." I stop and a feel a tear slip out of my eye. "I know its great that I am remembering some things, and maybe that's why I'm being emotional but why can't I remember him mom? If he really meant that much to me." I stop and she gives me a small pity smile.

   "Surely of you remember elementary, you remember Carson. He has been in your class since the beginning." She finishes and immediately she can see there is no recognition.

   "We knew this would be hard. I just wish you had-" she stops and stands up. "Carson will be here soon. Just be you Blake and you can't go wrong." Were those tears I saw in her eyes? Maybe they weren't, maybe I was just seeing things. After she leaves I force myself to stand up and walk to my closet. I pull on leggings, grab and put on a white v-neck t-shirt and throw on a baggy maroon cardigan. It was soft and cozy and comfortable. I slip on some longer socks and make my way to my bathroom where I fix my makeup and curl my hair. Judging by the makeup I had when I got home from the hospital I don't think I wore a ton of it, now especially I only wear foundation and mascara. I see lip gross on the counter and I reach for it but then I hesitate and drop my hand. I skip it and walk back to my room and look at the picture sitting on my desk. I pick it up and try to hear his voice. I try and remember his touch, his kiss even but nothing comes but nerves.

   That boy was my everything. He can still be your everything. I hear the doorbell and I set the picture down looking at myself one last time in the mirror. I make my way upstairs and I see my dad and Carson laughing and shaking hands in the door way of the house.

   "It's been awhile!" I dad smiles at him and Carson follows it up as I walk towards them. He's wearing his winter jacket but I can see that he has jeans on. Ok good nothing fancy then.

   "Are you ready?" He asks me as my mom hands me my coat. I want to say no, I want to go run back downstairs and hid under the covers until he leaves but I nod my head and give him a little smile.

   "When should I have her home by?" He asks looking at my dad. My dad only chuckles and laughs, have her home by midnight, or whenever. I trust you. Your a good kid, just mind the road conditions." I must have had a look of shock on my face because my dad pulls me in for a hug. I want to yell at him for not giving this date a curfew but decide against it. I pull on my boots and zip up my jacket as Carson holds the door open for me.

   "You look great." He says with a smile and I say a small thank you. Before my hand can reach the door handle of the car Carson is there to open that door for me as well. I get in without a word and pray to the heavens that this is the right choice. I mind keeps telling me that this is a complete stranger while another part of my fights back and believes that this guy probably knows more about me then I know about myself at the moment. So I speak up.