Until Dawn (Josh X Reader)

It hurts

Josh's POV: I did it again! I hurt (Y/N) unintentionally! I had made deep claw marks in her skin! I was hysterical at this point. The hallucinations were awful! It was Hannah and Beth, blaming me for their deaths like always. But they told me that I was gonna hurt (Y/N) just like I hurt them!
And I did. I did twice! I don't think that I can forgive myself. When I was hallucinating, I saw (Y/N)in the hallucinations. She grabbed my face and told me that she wouldn't hurt me. I kept looking at those ever changing brown eyes, like she told me to. And I guess that I just got lost in the fact that she was under my protection. Which caused me to hurt her in an over protective passion!
I calmed myself down after a few minutes. I wanted the comfort of (Y/N) but, once again, she looked like she wanted nothing to do with me! Which didn't help my anxiety.
"Feel better yet?" (Y/N) asked in a calming voice.
"A little I guess." I tried to FEEL better, but I didn't.
"What... What was that?" (Y/N)asked sadly. Her (E/C) eyes watering. Awwww! I feel like a major douche!
"I guess, that I felt like I had to protect you... And that caused me to feel if you weren't always with me, you'd get hurt. So I didn't want you to leave my not-so-protective-grasp anymore. And I hurt you like an idiot! Please forgive me (Y/N), please!" I begged to her because I had nothing left!
"Josh, I get that you want to keep me safe and all, but I sometimes will get hurt. And that's life!" She told me truthfully. "But I want to know why you were yelling and punching the wall!"
I looked at my bleeding knuckles. It must've been scary for Sarah to see me that way! Who wouldn't be scared?
"I saw my sisters. And they were taunting me for their deaths. They told me that I would hurt you. And I got mad..." That was about all that I could say. (Y/N) sat down next to me.
"It's ok Josh, I promise." She told me, linking her arm with mine.
(Y/N) POV: I felt so bad for Josh. He's been to hell and back and still wants to take care of me! He was just afraid to loose anyone else. And I felt the same way!
"I DID mean what I said when I said that you're a part of my family." Josh told me, looking at my eyes. I felt like I HAD someone now.
"Good. Because now I have someone too!" I said cheerfully. He smiled a small smile, like he always did.
"(Y/N)... Why do you still like me after everything I've done to you?" That was an important question.
"I guess I just feel like I'm responsible for taking care of YOU. But more of the fact that I feel like we're both one in the same. Like we both need to be together because we have no one except each other at this point." I spoke from the heart and I meant what I said!
"What have I done to deserve the love of someone like you? I suck as a person!" He said, tears crawling down his face.
"I don't know, but I bet that I'll figure it out!" I joked with him. We sat in silence for a few minutes. And that's when I got to actually see what he looked like for once. He had long sharp claws where his nails should be. Teeth on one side that had extended his mouth. Skin falling off of where those teeth were. Two different eyes, one that was wide open and alert, the other more relaxed like it didn't care.
To be honest, he kinda scared me. And he seemed to notice me observing him, but he tried to ignore it. I said tried. The most alert eye, the one closest to me, the crazy eye, looked me up and down. As if trying to find something. I tried to ignore it too. But I really couldn't. He looked crazy with that eye!
But what scared me the most was that the only reason why he looked like this was because he ate another human being! I shuddered at the thought and Josh, of course, noticed my movement.
"Do I really scare you that much?" He asked me, keeping the crazy eye on me. I tried to lie through the situation but I couldn't.
"I was just thinking about something." I tried.
"While looking at me? And then you started to shake?" He asked in a breaking voice. I felt so bad.
"What were you thinking about?" He asked in a serious tone.
"Stuff." I tried to be lazy about the situation and hopped that he would let it go.
"Seriously! What were you thinking about?" He was starting to get angry which made me more scared. I finally just spat it out as quickly as I could.
"IWASJUSTTHINKINGABOUTHOWYOULOOKLIKETHEWAYTHATYOUDO BECAUSEYOUATEAPERSONLIKEME ANDHOWYOUMIGHTEATME!" I rambled as fast and as loud as I could so I didn't have to repeat it. Josh looked hurt. He closed both of his eyes and let some crocodile tears fall.
"You're afraid of me again, aren't you?" He cried, keeping his eyes closed.
"No... Yes... Maybe... Ugh! I don't really know!" I began to cry too. I closed my eyes tight, shutting out this awful world.
Josh's POV: (Y/N) was still scared of me. This relationship between us was just on again and off again! I opened my eyes to see hers were closed. I saw it again. A young woman who was lost and didn't know who to trust anymore. I felt pity on HER this time.
"Look at me (Y/N)." I told her quietly. She didn't at first. When she did, I saw her eyes were soaked from tears. She didn't want to look at me. I made her.
"(Y/N). Oh young (Y/N)." I stared at her, touching her cheek. "I know that you're afraid of me, and I don't want that. Can't you see that I really don't want to hurt you?" I told her quietly.
"Yeah." She sobbed out.
"Then why ARE you so afraid that I'll hurt you? I never want to hurt someone ever again!" I said, even quieter. I did this to make her listen to me closer, to stop her sobs. She quieted a little more.
"I want to save you. I want to protect you. I want to have you in my life." I said, quieter still. She seemed to hang onto every word. She still looked so ashamed for judging me. I didn't want that.
"We all make mistakes (Y/N), but it's your choice if you forgive yourself or not." I was almost silent. She nodded slowly.
"It hurts though. I feel like I make your image of yourself worse in your mind!" She said, quiet as me. I smiled at her, leaned forward, and kissed her.