Man behind the Mask

Chapter 8.

We got Ryan home and I took pain medicine for a week and a half day and night. I stayed with him everyday, I got Whiskers to come stay with me for a while as I took care if him. Soon he was back on his feet. No dreams or nightmares. I felt unafraid now, I thought I was okay.

I went back to my house on a Wednesday afternoon. Melani, Amy, and Chad all heard of my condition and they were shocked. And afraid..

I told them I loved them all and thanked them for being there for me, but I can't record for a while. I get winded and then I can't make a music video for who knows how long.

I walked to a fast food joint in the pouring rain. The coolness of the water brought me peace each time a drop hit my face. Suddenly a drop landed on my lips. It was salty... and it had a taste like when I bit my tounge. I realized it was blood. Then more. It was sticking to my face and it was making a layer. Then I couldn't breathe, I choked and wheezed. A feeling in my gut made my blood boil. I felt like the layer was burning off like steam. My finger tips tingled and a smile crossed my face. Little did I know, my psyche was broken. I was insane.

I turned around and went home holding my hands up to my ears and looking down. My eyes were closed but they moved around underneath my eyelids. When I got home I lurched onto the floor and snapped out of the insane state. I went right back to my normal afternoon and fed Whiskers. I layed down on the couch and passed out. Ryan hadn't crossed my mind since I left. I felt something in my gut again as I had drifted off. Like I was forgetting something.. The importance.. but I don't know of what. And the feeling was overcome by sleep.

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When I woke up it was the next afternoon. I threw myself off my couch and into the shower. With my clothes on. It suddenly sank in how strange my behavior was. Then I realized I had my clothes on.

"What the hell is wrong with me.." I said pulling off my clothes. The bandages on my abdomen were gone, the pain wasn't. I supported myself with the walls of the shower and stood up.

I washed my hair but bending ovee to scrub myself down was too hard. I crawled out of the shower and wrung out my hair. I don't even feel like covering up.

I walked around and my head hung low. It felt... cloudy..

I finally put on some clothes and went outside on the balcony. Whiskers sat under my chair and I reached into the pocket of the chair. Cigarettes.. I keep them there when I'm stressed. It's bad for me, but it helps. I lit one and exhaled the smoke through my nose. Suddenly I noticed Ryan across the way staring. My heart turned as cold as my stare. Why.. Am I doing this?

I love him..

A sharp pain pierced my head and I grit my teeth. No you don't.. Yes I do! Agh what.?! I can't control myself!

I heard myself let out a string of curses towards Ryan and walked inside. I turned around and banged my head on the glass while breaking down in tears. I saw him get up and walk into his house. I went in the bathroom unable to control myself. Struggling, I pulled apart a razor with blood already pouring from my hands. I took the blades and cut multiple times, deep into my wrist. I didn't even cringe from the pain. I heard my door get broken through. "Stay away!" I yelled.

"Hannah what are- HANNAH!" Ryan turned the corner and saw me.

A grin crept across my face, I wiped my mouth with my wrists and licked the blood. A laugh crept from in between my teeth, soft and physcotic. The blood kept falling but I wasn't drowsy. "It's too late.. She is no longer who she once was.." came from my throat in a deep tone. Ryan grabbed my wrist tightly which made me shriek in pain,"AH! WHAT THE HELL-" he threw me onto the bed and pulled stuff out of my closet," What do you think you're doing?" the inner voice commanded.

"Setting you back straight you crazy son of a bitch." he said as he charged me on the bed and tied up my arms and legs. "I- won't let you-take who I love!" he said looking into my eyes. He threw me over his shoulder and ran down the stairs back to his apartment.He brought me into his room and put me inside the closet. "Agh, damn you!"

I heard him set a chair up against the door and I tried struggling free. "He tied these so tight.." I mumbled. My insanity state faded as I fell asleep inside the closet. Ryan, while I was out, was on a hunt for more of my past. Only to find my past lied inside a mental institution.

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I heard him yelling at someone when I woke up. "Ughhh..." I groaned. He stopped talking and waited for a noise. I heard folders and papers flipping open and an aggravated sigh as he began talking again.

"I'm going to fix her, man. I want my Hannah back." That made me laugh," YOUR Hannah?! Hahahah! She was never yours!" Came from my mouth. Oh God.. Stop please. "Agh stop!" I yelled fighting myself. I heard Ryan run up to the door. "Stop fighting it!" I wrestled myself.

"No! I want to be...ME!" I shrieked.

My eyes were bloodshot from crying and my smile wouldn't go away at all. Why is it still there? I'm sad, angry, anything but happy!

I heard Ryan pacing and suddenly the door to the closet swung open. He grabbed me and threw me on top of the bed. "Hannah, you should've told me you had.. mental problems." He said pinching the bridge of his nose. "HahahaHAHAHAH! You think thats her problem?!" I hissed. "She is merely broken under pressure, and her weak soul let me inside."

His eyes narrowed at me as I cackled.

"You.. what are you?" He said putting his hand on my throat lightly.

"You wouldn't choke her, you bastard. You are as weak as she was or worse." I tried to fight these feelings, anything to let him know I dwelled inside. He stared into my eyes, almost as though he noticed. Inside I was screamed when Ryan just turned around. "I'm her worst fear, what she would never tell you about!"

"What the hell could you be, to break the spirit and soul of some one who made me so light on my feet and my heart beat faster?!" He said demandingly. "TELL ME!"

"I'm a Devourer. I thrive off the souls of the people who are pained. They are the easiest to make them break." I spat.

"Fuck you!" He said pointing a finger right in my face. "I'll find her. I know she is still in there!"

"Ryan! SHUT UP, GIRL. No! I love- SHUT UP!" my words fought themselves.

This caught Ryan's attention. "I knew it." he snapped.

(feeedback...?)