For Your Eyes Only

20

Lucys POV

I woke before my alarm and excitedly set about finding a link to watch the boys on TV. Luckily the show had its own website which i could stream live from - so i set it up and placed it on my bedside table to wait until the show started. At 7.10am Harry rang to say he was there and feeling positive and that the song they were singing was for me. I was pretty sure that meant that it was "What makes you beautiful" like id suggested and he was being ironic given my loathing of that song. I loved his sense of humour.
Time dragged as i waited for the show to start so i browsed social media until eventually settling on twitter and saw Harrys tweet from earlier. It was so sweet the way he'd reassured the fans but it made my stomach turn thinking about the part where he'd said they'd find out sooner or later why there had been issues. I was that issue and i was pretty sure the fans werent going to love me for it but could live with that as long as they still loved and supported Harry. It was a price i was more than willing to pay.

The more i thought about it the more i realised that all the hurdles we were facing werent just my fault. Harrys fame was a major factor. Nobody would care if he wasnt famous. We wouldnt have to be apart now if he wasnt famous. Part of my guilt suddenly lifted as for the first time i accepted that this whole situation wasnt entirely my fault. Id been blaming myself for it all, but actually a lot of it was beyond my control. i didnt cause my marriage to fail - Andy did. I disnt choose to get with Harry, i just fell for him. He didnt choose to get with me - he fell for me. What was happening was beyond either of our control. The marriage part was my issue - the fame and publicity part was his. The two mixed together were a nightmare and we were the ones having to live it.

I was disturbed from my deep thoughts by the link on my laptop suddenly going live and i grabbed it quickly and set it down on my knee as James Corden opened the show, he was hilarious and i could see why the boys had bonded with him so well. He introduced his guests. "Platinum selling, world dominating boyband One Direction" i felt breathless as i saw the boys walk out on stage to huge applause from the audience. Harry looked ok. That was a relief. He looked great actually wearing the shirt id helped him pick the day we went shopping in london. He seemed pretty relaxed as he sat on the sofa and the interview began. It was very light hearted as James asked them how they were enjoying their break so far and what theyd been up to over christmas. Their answers were exactly whst youd expect. It was hard to adapt to life without touring and a busy scedule but they were doing well and theyd all had nice christmasses with their families in the UK and Ireland.
"So why are you all now in LA together?" He asked as they explained they were writing their new album.
"So youre definitley coming back after this break then? Youre not splitting? Because your fandom nearly broke twitter today freaking out and the media are saying that all is not well between you guys" he asked
"we are 100% coming back" replied Niall smiling
"We cant wait for the fans to hear the new album - we are really proud of it so far" added Louis
"I think once weve written and recorded this we will be itching to get back out there on tour and play it to everyone" liam agrees
Harry nods "weve been working with an amazing new writer and i think the songs are going to be the best weve ever done" he grins straight down the camera lens making my heart skip a beat as i see the dimply smile i adore so much looking straight at me.

"Well you guys are going to sing for us then come back and chat some more, yeh?" James asks and they all nod as they get up and walk over to the performance area.

The boys stand in a row of Niall, Louis, Harry then Liam and the music starts. Its not "what makes you beautiful" and as Harry sings the first line i freeze.

Oh my god. He said he was singing a song for me. I listen intently whilst studying the pained expression on his face and hearing the raw emotion in his voice.

**If i could fly, i would come right home back to you. I think i might, give up everything just ask me to, pay attention i hope you can hear this because i let my guard down, right now im completely defenseless.
For your eyes only, I show you my heart, for when youre lonely and forget who you are - im missing half of me - when were apart, now you know me, for your eyes only"

I cant even cope as the tears literally stream down my face and i sob as louis verse kicks in. I watch as Harry just keeps his head down whilst louis and Niall sing their verse then he joins in on the chorus. Hes got tears in his eyes and his voice is cracking. I cant bear to watch knowing i cant comfort him but luckily liam steps in and put a hand on his shoulder, turning to face him, smiling at him as harry still teary eyed grins back. It shatters my heart as they get towards the end of the song and all the boys gather together with their arms around eachother supporting Harry. He gets through it and the song ends. At the end they group hug and whisper to eachother, presumably the boys are checking hes ok before they rejoin James on the sofa to continue the interview and the audience give a standing ovation of the performance.

I try to calm myself down as the interview restarts. I need to listen.

"Guys that was.... incredible....im a bit speechless here! Was that one of the new songs youve been writing?" He asks

"No. Its a some from our last album but we never released it as a single. We just wanted to sing it today because....well it just fitted" Harry says looking at Liam and he smiles back casually flinging an arm lazily over Harrys shoulder to support him but trying to play it down.

"It was certainly very emotionally charged. Am I sensing a heartbreak here Harry? You seem upset. Is that why youve been absent lately while the boys have been out & about in LA?" Asks James

"No. Not a heartbreak" Niall jumps in to dismiss it.

"Its just....something im going though. Its not something i can talk about right now but its affecting me a lot so...." he breathes out heavily struggling to find the words. "im just...." he stops and looks to Louis for help

"He's just having a bit of a tough time at the moment but its gonna be ok and were all here for him" says Louis.

James looks at Harry confused willing him to say more. He looks a bit put out that Harry wont tell him whats going on.

"Its just a very complicated situation that i cant discuss at the moment James but when i can, hopefully in a couple of weeks, then i'll be happy to come back on and talk to you about it. I owe it to the fans to tell them the truth because i know its stressing them out wondering whats going on and i hate keeping things from the fans so i'll do an interview with you when i can talk about it. I want my side of the story heard not media speculation but at the moment i dont have a choice. All i can say is please dont believe what you read" he says as i watch him put his head down and struggle to maintain his composure. It must be horrible being in the spotlight at times like this. His fame has a downside thats for sure. The media making up stories bothers him far more than he's ever let on. He really cares what people think of him.

"An exclusive?"asks James and Harry holds his hand out for James to shake. "Deal" they say as James moves on to talk about some funny paparazzi shots of Louis coming out of a club drunk and the mood lightens. Harrys grilling is over. I exhale sharply. It was horrible having to watch that. Seeing him upset but unable to comfort him, seeing him be probed for information he cant give. Seeing how much the media upset him and most of all - that song. That song was beautiful but heartbreaking. I need to listen to it again so i pull it up on itunes and play it. It turns me warm inside hearing what he was trying to say to me - that if he could give it all up and come home to me he would. I kind of already know this - he quit the band a few days ago with every intention of giving it all up and staying here with me and i had to talk him out of it.
The chorus "for your eyes only i give you my heart" because nobody else knows about us. "Im missing half of me when were apart" i feel exactly the same way. im lost without him. I feel incomplete.

As the song ends my heartache turns into motivation. Im determined to see Andy off and get my divorce so that we can be together and never have to go through this again. I cant bare seeing Harry being lied about in tbe media or being so upset he nearly breaks down whilst singing and im going to do whatever the hell it takes - and i do mean anything to make sure that he never has to go through any of this again.