Harmonize With Chaos

HWC- Confusion

Confusion

When I made my way back that night, he was gone. I figured he had left to smoke. I laid down and quickly fell asleep. The next morning, I awoke before the sun came up and headed downstairs. As I passed through the livingroom, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye and stood still allowing myself to adjust to the light.

It was Daryl. He shifted himself so he was leaning against the window. "Have you slept yet?" I asked raspy and confused. "Huh uh." he replied, shaking his head. "Don't you think you should?" I asked while taking a step towards him. "Nah. Not tired." he replied. "What's wrong with him? Is he pissed?" I was thinking. Instead I just continued to the kitchen. I dug out a jar of peanut butter and a few apples we had picked yesturday. I sliced the apples and spread peanut butter on them and set them on the table with some homemade grape juice we had found in jars lining the pantry.

We ate in absolute silence. The only sound being the slight crunch of apples and the light clang of the glass jars as we sat them on the glass table top. I caught him looking up between the stragling hair falling over his face a few times. I couldn't read him though. "I found a toothbrush and some toothpaste last night. It's up in the bathroom." I finally broke the silence as I started cleaning up the jars we had used. He just grunted and headed upstairs to the bathroom. "Damn, this is tense. What the hell did you do Lil?" I thought as I shook my head and started gathering jars of grape juice in my pack. I wrapped them in two towels and gently packed them among the cans and various good we had scavenged.

I headed upstairs and took the clothing off the banister before heading to the room I slept in and sliding the stiff jeans over my achy legs. I took the nightgown off but slipped it in my pack. I put my bra on and glanced into the mirror as I started gathering my hair in a loose bun. I ran my fingers over a blue place on my neck and winced. "So it wasn't a dream." I said to my reflection as I felt the slight indentations of teeth in my skin. I wasn't sure how to feel about this realization. It explained the tension I guess. Is this the way it would be from now on? "He can't even look at me now. And we're stuck together." I was thinking as I heard the door creak open.

I looked over at Daryl leaned against the door frame as I slid the black sweater over my head. His blue eyes looked confused. "Yeah, you ain't the only one." I told him as I pushed past him to the hallway beyond.

Once we gathered everything, he got on the bike and held the crossbow out to me. I grabbed it and placed it on my back before sliding on the bike behind him. I wrapped my arms around his waist but left a slight gap between our bodies. He drove more cautiously than usual which I was thankful for. "The crazier he drives the tighter I hold. If he drives like grandpa, we barely touch." I didn't want to touch him if he didn't want to be touched.

I watched the hills, trees, broke down vehicles, and broke down bodies fly by and started rethinking last night for the umteenth time today. "Who came on to who? Who stopped it? Why'd I start it again? We seemed to enjoy it while it lasted though." Finally the bike came to a stop on the highway. I hopped off and took the crossbow off leaning it against the bike and taking off for the treeline. What? Think there are safe post apocalyptic rest stops or something?

Once finished, I walked to where Daryl was siphoning gas from a station wagon and leaned against the car. "How's your side?" I asked. He looked up at me and raised his shirt to show it wasn't bleeding before heading back to his work. "Good." I replied and hurried away to look through the other vehicles. The first was a silver Buick with a stuffed teddy bear wearing angel wings in the back windsheild. I scanned the car and trunk. I got a few peppermint candies and a pack of PallMall. I opened the glove box, but all that was there were a few packs of tissues. You know, the small packs wrapped in celophane. There was a badge from a local hospital hanging from the rearview mirror with the picture of an older woman with short black hair and glasses. I lowered the sunvisor and a picture fell out. It was the woman and an older man with 2 other men maybe my age and a little boy sitting in front. On the back it said, "Three generations of Ingle men. Love you Nana. Love Max." I gently placed it back before quietly closing the car door.

I was almost finished with the last vehicle when I heard a low growl behind me. I raised my blade and turned. I was looking into the face of the woman on the badge. The one in the generations photo. The nurse. I looked into her face a minute. It was definately her. Same hair, same nose, same forehead, same mouth. Her lips raised back to a snarl and her eyes were the same just clouded and bloodshot. "Is there anything of her left in there?" I was thinking. I looked deeper into her eyes. There was nothing there. No recognition of fear, love, hatred. Just nothing. Total emptiness. I plunged the knife into her forehead and wrapped my arm back around her shoulders to lower her to the ground quietly.

I walked back toward Daryl and the bike just as he was straddling it. I got on the back and we took off, heading North again. We rode through an area of highway that was packed with vehicles. Bumper to bumper for miles. He drove slowly between the cars and trucks until he glanced into the side view mirror seeing a horde following us. "Hold on tight." he ordered while looking at me over his shoulder. I did and he took off driving in the grass filled medium. He was dodging cars and walkers and we were zig zagging all over. I could feel the long grass and weeds whipping at my ankles. I grabbed large handfulls of his shirt and held my breath. Within just a few minutes, we were back on the blacktop and slowing a little. I dropped the material from my hands and clasped them around his waist. He reached back with one hand and placed a light pat on my knee before turning off at an exit.