SWEET [Assassination Classroom]

Dreams [Sugino Tomohito]

  Dedicated to my friend.

[The first time, it's just by chance.
The second time, I'm not so sure.
It's not coincidence, is it? The third time our eyes meet.]

Every month, the students of the school would hold an assembly where all classes gather together. Sure, today was no exception. Everyone looked forward to it because the presence of the infamous 3-E was going to be there, like always, they have planned to humiliate the class with cruel mocking methods. You too, were excited. In contrast, your reason was the complete opposite of the other students. It was a small secret that no one should know, except a friend or two of course.

As your class made their way into the hall, you quickly spotted the End Class, lining up neatly. Your eyes scanned around, trying to find a certain someone. You made sure you didn't make it too obvious, you wouldn't want people to start suspecting you of something bad. Hm...There's the blue-haired...girl? You're not really sure. Beside him the same green-haired twintails, and behind both of them is the purple boy and pretty girl- Ah, there he is!

Short and slightly spiky dark blue mop of hair, from your position, you can see the side of his face and those pale aquamarine eyes that shone beautifully. Even cuter, his thin eyebrows that grew a little at the tail of it, what a precious face. Furthermore, you loved those red armbands that decorated his wrist, it really gave him the character. All of the sudden, his head moved as he turned around to search for something, only to land on your gaze. You quickly jolted and flushed a little before turning away, making your way to your designed location.

Just then, you came across your classmate who was already there. She noticed your presence and your noticeably reddened face, grinning from ear to ear. As you made your way to her side, she started to poke fun at you.

"Did you see something?"

You were quick to deny it, suppressing your embarrassment of staring at someone.

"No? What are you talking about?"

She stifled her giggles, "Oh, I wonder. Maybe certain someone from class 3-E who happens to be my old friend?"

The heat instantly rushed back as you flinched, but you held it in. You weren't some typical hopeless romantic teenager now, are you? Love would never end up with a happy fairytale ending, not to mention, you would never have the energy to be all lovey-dovey with some boys. You just weren't cut out for it.

Somehow, that's how you've been viewing on the topic of boyfriends and love. Just something you'd not want to get involve with. Despite of that, you were still intrigued by that boy. Ever since the day you saw him in the baseball tournament, reaching his hand out to the baseball star, Shindou, with such forgiving and open-minded smile, you were captivated. He was put down to the end class, he was nearly stripped off his dream of playing baseball, but he still looked forward to everyday. How was he able to hold on? Those thoughts ran round like a never ending cycle, constantly bugging you everyday. When you see him, you wanted to look longer, When you're away, you want to see him again.

There was a mystery you wanted to solve, Sugino Tomohito.

Your friend and Sugino were close friends for a few years too. Since the change of classes, they weren't able to hang out as much. But still, she knew all about the male, things that you've wanted to know. Yet if you ask straight-on, she would obviously realise something. The last thing you want now is for her to think that you have something for him, which is totally not true....right?

"Did I hit jackpot?" Your thoughts were rudely interrupted when your friend snickered. An irk marked appeared as you sent a harsh kick at her leg, nearly causing her to fall over and topple onto another student. She winced at the pain and shot an offended look at you. In return, you just coldly stared at her and ignored her. Soon, the assembly was ready to start when the student councilor from 3-A went up on stage to give a speech.

As always, his words went through your ears as you were busy concentrating on something else. You glanced again and again, a few rows away, the same boy, who was glancing down at the floor rather than lifting his head up high. He looked like he was bored out of his mind as he fumbled with his armband, a tint of tenseness in his eyes. It was natural, considering the usual routine of the assembly. Seeing his anxious expression, you tasted sourness at the back of your tongue. Just then, his face tilted upwards a little as his eyes scanned around again. Once again, it landed onto yours.

This time, you definitely felt the skip of your heartbeat, but you didn't look away immediately. Those irises that was swirling with emotions, emotions that seemed like it was different from yours. The more you looked, the more you wanted to approach it. Of course, things gradually became awkward as you saw him shifting his gaze and so did you. After processing what you've just done, you decided you've never felt so goddamn embarrassed in your whole life.

Just to make sure....he's not looking here anymore right?

With another swift glance, you realised he was staring right at you again, with red hues tainting his cheeks this time.

That was the first time the two of you have made any interaction.

[Everyone says that you're kind of a strange person,
But the thing that interests me is something else; it's not that.
I think, probably, you're pure, invariably pure,
And so you rebel against even the little facets of everyday life.]

Somehow, your friend started to get the idea of putting you two together. Purposely inviting Sugino after school for lunches or outing, talking about him and giving his number to you. It started off annoying and unnecessary, but eventually, things took a good turn and now the both of you were closer. Obviously the feelings still lingered in the back of your mind, but you've constantly pushed it away, believing you'll never have a different mindset.

What was suppose to be a close friend outing went wrong when your friend said she couldn't show up. You couldn't tell if it was a genuine reason or she was trying to set up something, but when the innocent looking boy shot you a confused look, you just can't afford to cancel the plan anymore.

"Sorry Sugino. She said she couldn't make it." You sighed. Suddenly, the colours of his cheeks darkened as he rubbed his neck.

"Ah...It's alright, what do you want to do then?"

"Hmm, I need to buy some new clothes, is that fine?"

"S-sure!" His tone raised, "Anything is fine!"

He started to grow a little anxious but you decided to shrug it off, heading off to the nearby clothes shop. You were trying to pick out a dress or two for some upcoming school party, which like always, 3-E was once again left out. Whenever you catch his eyes staring at a the male clothes, there's always a certain glimmers that says,

'I wish I could be wearing that.'

You tried not to let those pure eyes affect you too much, after all, there was nothing you could do about it. You just resume to your previous shopping, flipping through variety of clothes till you find the kind that you desired. Just then, you took out two of the dark coloured dress which you thought would be a good fit. You scanned them up and down, wondering which one you should pick. He noticed your doubts and leaned a little closer, the red blush that you can't see was on his face.

"What's up?" He said (attempted) nonchalantly.

"Oh..." A huff escaped your mouth, "I can't decide which one I should get."

Hearing your words, he shifted his view from you to the clothes that you were holding. Studying it closely, he didn't realise what he accidentally said before it was all too late.

"I think you'd look really cute in both."

Your eyes widened at his words as your heart started thumping violently to your dismay, you couldn't even control it. The way he delivered the message, his eyes was clouded with purity and honesty, there wasn't a single lie or playfulness in it. However, those words that he spoke that no one would speak, hearing it was so unnatural. It sent all the wrong messages to your body as you quickly grew sensitive at his words and responded in a put-off way before you were able to stop your actions.

"Ew, I don't like looking cute."

Those heartbreaking words instantly sent a pang of guilt to his heart as Sugino flinched at your harsh tone. He hadn't expect that type of reply and he could only react by mumbling a few bitter 'oh'. As he lowered his head in shame, he obviously didn't see the regrets that you wore on your face.

It was the first time someone ever made you feel that way, so were you really doing the correct thing?

[You brought a dream here,
The place of dreams that can't be expressed with words alone.
I'm sure that this is how it all starts,
A new world of racing heartbeats.
You brought a dream here.
Let's go, pretending not to know any words,
To the place of heartbeats and dreams.]

Ever since that small outing, things started to grow a little awkward. You became overly conscious of your words and actions whenever you see him, at the same time, you've also studied his attitude, afraid and fearing of the new atmosphere that was forming. In spite so, he kept trying his best and doing what he do. He kept up his happy and optimistic attitude, which only made you more lost. You didn't know how to face all these unfamiliar situations and chose the worst way around it, avoidance.

He held it in the whole time, but really, he was disheartened. He couldn't understand what is it that repelled you, what is it that he accidentally do that made you draw back. He just wanted to treat you nicely and make you happy, so why did you run away? Was it because you found out...?

Found out that he felt something different for you.

During this month's assembly, you attempted not to glance at him. But you knew that your actions will always be accompanied by consequences. You were terrified to face it, you couldn't handle responsibilities and you ran. Curiousity kills the cat, through the councilor's speech, you once again took a glimpse of the class. What you saw that time did make your heart skip a beat, but it was not the feeling that you like.

He was staring at you with an expression that was indescribable, those pair of dark irises that looked like they wanted to give up and break any moment. The sensation was like getting pierced by thousands and millions of sword right through the center of your heart as you were burned alive. You had never expected you would messed up everything so badly.

[The fourth time - this is strange.
The fifth time - it must be on purpose.
If it's too hard to make sure, why not look a sixth time?]

"You know, Tomohito's been really sad for the past month." Your friend sat cross-legged opposite you as the two of you continued to play with the poker cards, causing you to flinch. "I'm always out here to help you, what's up?"

You set down one of the cards as your mind processed the situation before you nervously inquired, "....What happened to him?"

"Well, he's been looking extremely down whenever I'm with him. He's trying his best to keep up with his happy personality and smiling but, sometimes it feels like he's barely keeping it together. Furthermore, I talked to him on the phone last week about....well, you."

You felt as if the world have stopped rotating.

"He said he was so lost of what to do and it felt as if he had reached the end of the road. He felt so agitated that you were so hard to understand. It was so frustrating that he sounded like he was going to lose it any moment. I was so worried." She commented as she took one of her own cards and set it on top of yours. "Why are you turning away from him?"

You bit your lips, guilt clogged your throat, nearly blocking you from talking.

".....

I don't know really. I suppose I was just scared.

It's the first time I'm ever facing things like these, I don't know how to do it either. He was so sweet and so cheerful, but I can't be like him. I can't return the things he wants to give me, you know? I'm just not cut out for him, I'm sure he deserves something better. Someone kinder and brighter-"

"Listen." Your friend suddenly interrupted you, "I understand how you feel. But everything needs a first, why don't you just give it a try? I know you don't hate him, I can tell you've wanted to try. It's normal to let fear get into your way, but if you want to continue living like this, then you can choose to keep quiet. He's always accepted you from the start, now it's up to you."

"...."

[It's so lonely when you say I'm hard to understand and then drift away.
Stop being closed-minded; make some more close friends.
I've always been insensitive - maybe,
In my weakness, I've lost something important.]

"Sugino-" You called out, trying to catch your breath and barely managing to catch up with his fast athletic walking speed. Hearing your voice, he jolted and was stunned to the spot. From your view, you could see him shook a little.

"I-...I want to talk to you....." You huffed a few more times, taking in the oxygen that you badly needed. However, he seemed too scared to turn around. You clenched your fist as your friend's words continued to swirl in your head, keeping you motivated and strong.

"I'm sorry!" His ears perked up at those words, "I'm sorry I've been so rough with you. I was confused and afraid of what was happening to me, why I was feeling the way that I wasn't suppose to feel. I've told myself I never desired someone to love, I convinced myself so much that I was scared the moment something went wrong, I didn't want to become something I said I wasn't, I wanted to live up to what I said to myself."

His head shifted slightly as the outline of his face became more visible. You took another deep breath and continued to talk, praying that your voice wouldn't crack just yet.

"But seeing you, I started to see things differently. I started to thought, maybe having someone to love wouldn't be so bad. Maybe seeing someone so happy because you made them so wasn't so bad. Just maybe...." Your cheeks flared up as you thought about your next line. Shutting your eyes tightly, you went all out on it.

"Just maybe holding your hand wouldn't be so bad!"

As you anxiously pried open your left eyes, you could see that he had turned around. His eyes were filled with infinite amount of surprise and that tint of happiness that seasoned it. His face was flushed red and his mouth was slightly agape, a bit too bewildered to react properly. His eyes clouded with bliss and euphoria, his stature frozen. The next moment, he was biting his lips tightly and desperately holding in the contentment that was traveling through his body as his heart swelled in joy. Those tears were on the brink but they refused to fall. Obviously, he wanted to say something but his voice was stuck in his throat as he hurriedly rushed over to you, pulling you into a hug.

Your thoughts never lied to you as you finally felt the touch and contact of someone else for the first time, someone that you actually yearned for. It wasn't so bad, but it was way beyond what you thought it would be. The loud beating of your heart filled up your ears as you hesitantly returned the affection, still uncertain and unconfident of what you're doing. Somehow, this uncertainty and excitement sent adrenaline traveling through your veins at a high speed and production of dopamines in your brain, it was truly fascinating.

You let his warmth radiate around as you finally shut your eyes in pure jubilant.

It was truly a dream that he had blessed upon you.

[You brought a dream here,
The place of dreams that can't be expressed with words alone.
I'm sure that this is how it all starts,
A new world of racing heartbeats.]