All the things I should have done before

Chapter three: his eyes

He's laughing so hard now. We both stop laughing soon. I walk to the steps that lead down and sit down. Now I start to cry. I don't want to it just happened. I wipe some of my tears way and begin to speak.
"Doctor?"
"Yes Clara."  He says as he sits down next to me but not too close. I'm on the end leaning on the railing and he is on the other end.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that it's just its so hard."

He pushes him self closer towards the middle and I think he wants me to too. I don't resit. I move in closer and were so close that we are touching. I put my head on his shoulder and he doesn't resist. He's always there when I need a shoulder to cry on.

"Oh Clara" he says " My Clara" he says with his beautiful Scottish accent.

I look up at him. His eyes are heavy like mine. Except his, his are like a hundred more tuns were put on them. I guess he's just lost so much it shows in his eyes. I think it changes you. Like the person you used to be had gone away and then all that's left is you. The new you. I guess that's what's happened to me. Maybe that's why I did that terrible thing to him. We have been sitting here for at least 2 minutes now. I don't mind it though.

"Clara?" He says

"Yes doctor."

" I've missed you "

I understand what he means. He means that he misses the old me. But I think the old me is back. And I think she is better without Danny. And I think she's better with the doctor. I look up at him. I almost forgot to respond.

"I've missed me too."

We are both suddenly staring deeply in to each other's eyes. It's as if just by looking into his eyes I can tell what he wants and I think I want the same thing too. I lean it a bit so he knows it's okay to and he does. Suddenly our lips collide.

Our foreheads are touching, but our lips are no longer touching. I'm biting my lip and my hands are locked behind his neck. He has a bit of a soft smile on his face but it's not like the smile he gets when he figures "it" out. It's softer than that. It's calmer. It's nice and I never want him to stop. It's like reality has completely disappeared and I feel at home. More at home than I have ever felt.