Lost || Lashton

Chapter 3

This entire chapter is two years previous to Luke's arrival - this is the day Ashton committed suicide. So trigger warning I guess.

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I get up, feeling dead inside. This seems like such a regular occurrence. I lazily strip my pajamas and put on my everyday clothing. I pull on my pair of ripped black skinny jeans, my AC/DC shirt, and then I throw a black sweatshirt over it. I go downstairs, grabbing my bag from the bench near the front door where I left it yesterday.

My parents were still sleeping, or so I assumed.

I put on my black Converse and leave the house, beginning to walk to school. I liked black, not that it was overly important. I may be kind of sad, but I am by no means goth or anything. My arms began to itch, the scars not treating me well. I haven't self-harmed in over a month, but sometimes I feel unsafe with myself. I feel like this streak I have going on is going to change and I am going to be so heavily suicidal again.

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I walk into the school and see a group of boys that liked to bully me everyday. Jason comes up to me smirking as I expected to be punched right off the bat. "How is our little miss emo today?" He asks me shoving me back a little bit. 

I don't respond and I look down on the ground. I see my friend Calum walk by me and I say, "Calum, a little you know, help?" He looks at me and then Jason and gives me a frown. He has never been bullied, and only usually hangs out with me outside of school. He doesn't want to risk being pushed around like I was.

So he kept to himself.

I groan a bit as Jason pushes me back again. "You have no friends, loser. Go fucking kill yourself." Jason hisses, pushing me back. Instead of crying or having a panic attack; I tell him 'okay'. He looks at me surprised as I walk out through the schools doors and flip him off.

"Ashton come back here!" He screams. He sounded worried, almost. How cute.

I finally allow myself to cry on my walk home. I read people's license plates, wondering how they were feeling. If they were better than I. I finally get home and I hear my parents talking from the kitchen. I heard the nice sound of my Mum's laugh as my father said something to her.

I go upstairs and close my door. I go into my desk and pull out the metal hook and the screws that were in it. I take the screwdriver as well and I stand on my desk chair. I was crying as I shakily screwed a hook into the ceiling. I grabbed the rope and get off the chair. I sit down on my bed, attempting to figure out how to make a successful noose.

Why am I doing this? Because of Jason?

I was having a panic attack. I smile when I see the rope was the way I wanted it. I kept these materials just in case I ever decided to do it. I never honestly expected that I would be using it.

"I'm so sorry, I am so so sorry. If anybody cares, I am so sorry." I whispered before stepping onto a chair. The wood creaked as I put my body weight on it. I throw the rope over the hook and tighten it. I pull on the rope to make sure it was tight enough to hold my weight before I put it around my neck; tightening the noose. "You're going to be okay." I cry.

I was trying to calm myself down as I kick back the chair and it hits the wall with a bang. I hear my parents yell up to me, asking what happened. My feet aren't touching the ground as I dangle helplessly from the rope. "Ashton?" I hear my dad's voice, then I hear his scream. He repeats the words 'oh my god' over and over, then screams to my Mum to call an ambulance. I was still awake as my father takes the chair, standing on it; he then takes the rope off the hook. I fall to the ground, and the rope was loosened. I hear sirens and I just wanted it to be completed.

"Ashton wake up." My dad cries, standing over my body. My eyes were open, I was awake.

I sit up but he continues to cry. I move away from him, and look up at the hook. I could have done it. But then I look back down and see my lifeless body on the ground. "Oh my fucking god." I swear, falling back. 

This isn't happening, it isn't. It can't be, it isn't happening. 

I stare in fright as the paramedics enter my room and surround my body, my dad being pulled away from the scene. What was I seeing?

I clench my eyes shut, tugging on my hair. "This isn't happening!" I scream out. After that, I think I fell asleep.

Later, I look back up and the people are gone. I sigh in relief but then realize that my things were gone too. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. What happened to me? Am I dreaming? I don't even remember what happened. Where are my parents? 

I move around my room and look up, seeing a hook screwed into the ceiling. I don't remember that being there before. I go downstairs and see nobody, and absolutely nothing. Did my parents leave me? And in this state of confusion? I run back upstairs and look around the rooms to see if anything was left behind. I go back into my room and look around.

I go over to the window and look out through the curtain. "I don't understand." I fretted, looking down at the people downstairs through my bedroom window. My things weren't here, and I wasn't sure what happened to me. I felt as if everything was unreal. My parents left me and for what?

I remember nothing really besides waking up here. Suddenly the door opens and I jump...

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For anybody who does not understand this chapter it is basically a whole spirit at peace until it is disrupted sort of deal. So this was more of a disruption of his peace, so Ashton is supposed to be in a confused state; unsure of what he did. He feels as if everything is completely surreal. The only reason his spirit was kind of awakened was because it was disturbed by the Hemmings' moving in.

Does that makes sense? I hope it does. That was the point I was attempting to get across.