Lost || Lashton

Chapter 7

Song for the Chapter: Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

Dedication to Fangirls_Of_5sos_1D

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--2 Years Ago--

I see Calum standing in front of the school, waiting to talk to me. He never wanted to be seen with me, not that I blamed him, so I respected his decision to avoid me most of the time. It was just nice to have a friend outside of school, away from everyone that hates me.

"Hey Ash." He smiles, coming over to me.

Calum was never mean to anyone, and he was a sophomore and I was a senior. He's never been bullied and didn't want to start because of me. "Hey Cal, so I was wondering if you wanted to meet me at my house after school." I smiled happily, tugging down at my dark coloured sweatshirt sleeves as they began riding up because of my excessive hand gestures.

Calum looked at me for a moment before responding, "Yeah. See you then. And um, Ash?" He questioned before shaking my head. 

"People are coming." I tell him.

"I don't care, Ash, please just-" He begins but I must interrupt.

"See you after school." I reply and he sighs as I go inside of the school, head hung low so people wouldn't notice me. Calum was so nice that he considered it for a brief moment. But I couldn't let him.

"Fucking fag." Jason swore at me and I felt my eyes watering already, the grin that had been plastered on my face just a moment ago quickly fading.

--Present Day--

"Ashton!" Luke calls, coming into my room after school the next day. I was sitting in my room, again, staring off into the road watching the cars go by.

I turned around and saw an ecstatic Luke Hemmings, grinning ear-to-ear and bouncing in place as he closes the bedroom door. "What?" I ask, looking at the overly-hyper teenager.

"I made another friend. He kind of reminds me of you. Sad and keeps to himself and bullied by a lot of people. But I invited him over, though he was reluctant. Says the house has bad memories for him but I assured him it was okay. I told him I had a brother a year older and that he was going to be here too. Cover your neck, Ash, we're hanging out." Luke says before I hear the doorbell ring.

The sequence of rings was clear in my memory. The two long ones followed by three shorter ones. I stared at him as he went downstairs. I grabbed his sweatshirt, quickly zipping it up and following him. Luke opens the door and a slightly older version of my best friend stands before me. "Oh my fuck." I swore, looking at Calum Hood.

But he wasn't how I remembered. His hair was in his face, and he was wearing a dark sweatshirt and black jeans. His nails were painted black and he looked... well, sad. Nothing how he used to be, he used to have a smile on his face constantly. Wearing tank tops and ripped blue jeans. 

"Ashton?" He asks.

"Calum?" I asked simultaneously.

"Oh god." Luke realised, knowing that the two of us knew each other.

--

"This isn't funny." Calum cried, trying to comprehend the situation at hand. I frowned, trying to think why he was so sad. He was sitting on Luke's bed in my bedroom, trying to think about my presence being possible.

"I am not meaning it to be." I told him. Luke was in the other room, leaving the two of us to talk out the problem.

He runs his hand through his hair. I wish I was still dead. "Cal, I just... Why are you so sad?" I asked sadly, looking at him. He used to be so happy. I ruined him.

"The love of my life went off and killed himself without any notice and it was my fault! I should have saved you that day, pushed Jason away and showed my crush! You never let me though, you pushed me away at school thinking that I would get hurt! Well I am hurt now and I hope you're happy." Calum screamed at me, his words sketching themselves into my brain.

I leave the room, closing my eyes and imagining the scenery downstairs. I look up at Luke and he looks at me. I hear stomping and then the front door closing. "What did you do?" Luke asked me cautiously.

I shook my head, pretending I didn't know. But me reappearing after two years was enough to drive anybody out of a house. "You are ruining everything!" Luke screamed, running out of the room and I hear the front door slam again.

Within a couple minutes, my life shattered. My past life and afterlife intertwined, and I was forced to deal with the aftermath. My past life caught up with me and it ruined my life now, and I was once again alone. I wasn't going to let him see me again, not until he wanted. I got up and looked at my reflection on a pan, strictly thinking on me disappearing before I did. My reflection gone.

I walk upstairs quietly, going to the bathroom and going through the cabinets. I close the door and look in the mirror again. I reappear, unzipping Luke's sweatshirt. I see the bruise beginning to fade more and more the past few days, and how my skin was slowly gaining colour back. Am I becoming alive again? A second chance.

I break apart the razor, slowly and unsteadily. When I get the fresh blade out I take to to my scarred arm. I slice as the skin opens and bleeds, but within moments, fades. I make an uncountable amount of cuts as they slowly beginning fading.

I want to bleed. It will make me alive. As it fades, I can't cut into my almost transparent skin; depressing me immensely.