I'm the one who was left behind and he was the one who left me.
Wait, he never left me. He was never mine. Not even once.
In my dreams, he's mine. And I hope that in the future, he'll be mine.
"What the heck is your problem? He's been courting you for half a year. You like him and he likes you. What's wrong with that?" Tine said using her hysterical voice, after I told her that I rejected my suitor. She stood up, took the bottle of vodka in the fridge, and searched for some shot glasses.
"Like is too broad. I like him, yes." I took a deep breath before finally saying the next sentence. "But I love someone. I still love him." She looked at me and shook her head in disbelief. This is the scenario every time I will tell her that I still love him.
"Seriously, Dee? You're still in love with that one hell of a kind stupid and dense bastard friend of yours? How dumb can you be for loving that person who never felt the same for you for four yeas? Four years, Dee. You wasted four years of your life loving that person, trying to catch his attention, hoping that one day, he'll just wake up from his deep slumber and realize that he loves you. Wake up, Dee. Wake up! He doesn't love you. He never loved you and he will never love you." I was startled at what she told me. I should get used to it, I think. She will do everything to make me forget him and the feelings I have for him.
She looked at me with her I'm-mad-because-you're-dumb-but-I'm-just-concerned-because-you're-my-best-friend expression on her face. She sat beside me and gave me a shot glass full of vodka. "Listen, I'm your best friend, and I've seen how miserable you were and I know you're going through hell right now because of that dense friend of yours but, don't you think that four years is already enough? You did almost everything for him to notice you and know how you feel for him. Don't you think it's time for you to give up and move on? You're making yourself more miserable. You're just wasting your time for that person. He's years older than you and..."
She paused for a while, thinking if she will continue what she was saying. I looked at her, waiting for her to continue. "...and he's in love with someone else. He's feeling the same, but not for you." I smiled at her and drank my shot. I didn't talk but instead, I continue drinking the vodka she pulled out from the fridge.
'He's feeling the same, but not for you.' I think that's the most hurtful word she ever said. She usually calls me dumb and stupid for being like this and I'm used to it. But those words that came out from her mouth, that's adding pain to me.
I drank another shot and smiled at her again. "I appreciate what you're telling me as my best friend but hell no, I'm not giving up. You said, I almost did everything. Meaning, there's still something I can do. I'm not giving up. No, not until I die. I love him and it's my decision if I get hurt. I've been through a lot, I made it here. Will I give up? Of course, not! You know what they say, try and try until you die and succeed."
My vision's getting blurry and my headache's killing me. I smiled at her and took my last shot. "I'm fine, no worries. I'm gonna make it through." Then I walked out of her door. I sat on the lobby of her condominium and tried to rest for a while, thinking about things. A few moments after, I decided to leave. I'm feeling better now.
I took my car keys from my bag and drove. I don't know where my car is taking me, it feels like my car has its own mind and it knows where to take me. I managed to drive until I came to a full stop and found myself in front of his house. 'What am I doing here?' I asked myself but the answer that popped in my mind was what I told Tine earlier. 'You said, I almost did everything. Meaning, there's still something I can do.'
