(PART II)
Dear Hayley,
I talked to a friend. A friend who is in Canada. Schoolmate natin sya noon, remember her? Her name is Rocky. I told her a lot about you. I told her the night I went to your prom para maistalk kita. Naikwento ko dn sakanya na crush na crush kita noong highschool palang tayo.
After a day, chinat ka nya dba? She asked you if you find my name familiar. Hours later, you sent me a friend request. Sobrang saya at kilig ako noon kasi inadd mo ako. Bago pa ako magkaroon ng lakas ng loob para ichat ka, I saw your posts for Rocky. Sobrang sweet nyo. Syempre, nainggit ako.
One night, I sent you a message.
I sent you my very first message. I really thought my message will be left unread or seen but you didnt. You sent back a message and brought all my senses to life. I almost rolled myself down from the bed because of the butterflies churning inside me.
We talked a lot that night, I was honestly hoping na mas kakausapin mo ako kaysa kay Rocky dahil nasa Canada sya at facebook lang ang connection nyo. But that's not how it happened. I feel so stupid for raising my hopes that you will like me a lot better than her but you didnt. Maybe because you find her prettier than me, funnier or whatever God knows what. Magkausap nga tayo pero minsan sya ang topic mo. Hahaha! What the heck. Pero dibale na, kausap naman kita eh.
Pero hndi lang naman pala si Rocky ang babae sa buhay mo. You also have Ara, who is your best friend for three years and special someone for more than a year. So hopeless na nga talaga ako pero sige lang, nakipag usap pa rn ako sayo.
Mas lalo tayo naging close dahil magka text tayo everyday at everynight. Kikiligin na ba ako doon? Sige, pwede na kahit minsan ay late reply ka. Sasabihin mo nakatulog ka pero actually, kausap mo si Rocky. Okay lang naman sakin yun eh. Haha! Minsan bigla bigla kang nawawalan ng gana na kausap ako dahil nagkakalabuan kayo. Minsan naman ay pag nagkwkwento ako ay sumasagot ka lang ng "Ay oh?"
Yep, it's very clear na hndi ka naman talaga interesado. So yea, I have to make peace with the fact na we're just friend...
Just friends...
Only friends...
After all, yun lang naman ang hiningi ko. To make friends with you.
There's this Ara... and there's Rocky. Nagchcheat ka over Ara dahil naikwento mo din na kabit ka lang nya. And you have Rocky na malayo at hinihiling mo na sana ay malapit lang sya.
One night, may pageant. Most of the contestants came from our alma mater so we went there to watch. One of the candidates is Ara... of course, you'll be there. (Schoolmate dn namin si Ara noong hs) I must be excited that you're also here in the venue kaso hndi ako naexcite. Lalo na nung nabasa yung msg mo na "ang daming contestants dito pero tulala ako, wala akong pake dahil kay Ara lang ang mga mata ko."
The other day, si Rocky naman ang kausap mo. Minsan sad ka dahil kay Ara, minsan kay Rocky ka naman.
Kung akin ka nalang kaya? Di mo ba alam na andito lang ako? Kahit ba minsan, hndi mo naramdaman na baka ako yung para sayo? Na baka ako yung magpapatigil sa lahat ng pain mo?
Everyday na magkausap tayo sa phone ay mas lalo akong nahihirapan. Pinaparamdam mo sakin na hinahanap hanap mo ako pag di ako nagrereply pero nasasaktan naman ako everytime na pinagdidiin sakin ng mundo na hndi naman tayo. Nakikita ko lahat ng messages nyo ni Rocky dahil nga close kami. I dont get it. Alam naman nya na gusto kita pero nag end up na kayo tapos pinapakita pa nya sakin ang convo nyo. Ironic lang, noh??
Nakita ko lahat, Hayley. Nakita ko yung messages mo na sobrang sweet. Syempre nakaramdam ako ng pain. Doon na ako nagsimulang mag reply ng late kaso ang dali kong manghina everytime na kinukulit mo ako. You have a your own way to pull me back to you.
Buti pa sakanya, nagsesend ka ng long msgs. Buti pa kay Rocky, may voice msg. Buti pa skanya, may phone call mula sayo kahit nasa Canada sya.
I have to leave. I have to end this. I have to stop. I should also stop seeing you. I should stop texting you and hoping that you will like me back... cos that's not going to happen.
