Ring.ring.ring
that's all I heard. Every day. For the past week.
I didn't need to see who it was , I already knew it was Luke.
I haven't answered it at all , and don't care to.
He should have understood that when I walked out , I was serious about it.
No 'coming back for a second chance' shit or should I say fourth chance?
So here I lay on this crappy , uncomfortable , cheap motel bed listening to the radio blast some song I wasn't paying attention to and listening to the phone ring over , and over , and over again.
I got up to look at my phone
15 missed calls
One from my mum and the rest from Luke.
12 voicemails
From Luke.
37 text messages
From Luke.
I kept ignoring incoming calls and texts and put my phone on silent. I tried to fall asleep from the music on the radio.
My phone buzzed a last time , indicating I got yet another call from Luke.
I finally decide to hear what he has to say , so I unlocked my phone and listened to the voicemails.
His voice sounds like he's been crying , his throat is still cracking a bit more too.
I'm so sorry.. Words cannot describe how sorry I am. I love you with all my heart and I understand why you left. I have put you through this so many times and that I would understand if you never want to see me again. I don't know what came over me , and I don't know why I would do it. I feel like such an asshole for putting you through all this , again. You deserve someone better than me.. I love you.. I love you so god damn much.. I hope you know that. I hope you come back home soon. But if not I guess I understand.. Just remember that I will always be here waiting for you , I love you....
I didn't realise I had tears in my eyes until the voicemail was over , I just sat there. Motionless. I had so many thoughts going through my head.
Should I go back to him?
Do it.. You know you want to..
But what if it happens again?
Well then you're gone for good and never going back.
I think I still love him...
You know you do.
I do
I still love him after all the shit he has put me through , but I'm not going back. I need a break.
Forever
There's that word again..
I was his forever , and I walked out.
