Thoughts and Stuff

All The Time

Okay, this'll actually be a serious chapter for once.

I think.

So, whenever I talk to people, whenever I'm around people, whenever I learn things about people, I get extremely nervous.

I always feel like people are angry at me, or that they don't like me, unless they don't state otherwise. It's irrational, but it's what I do.

I'm scared of being too clingy, and of annoying people, and of hurting people's feelings. I just... I don't know.

I'll only ever fight with someone if the argument is something I truly believe in, or if I don't like the person. However, the majority of you have probably just seen my 'quiet argument'- the one where I nod and say yes while the other person rants. Really, I don't mind listening to that at all. Listening to other people is great.

I'm just...

I'm scared.

I don't want to lose anyone, and I don't want to lose control. I can't stand hurting other people's feelings, whether or not I did it intentionally. I hate it when I don't like somebody or something, and somebody else does.

And then there's also the fact that I'm scared of my jealousy.

I've discussed this with some of my friends before (you know who you are), and I've explained that I'm too scared to actually do anything in a relationship, because I get jealous way too easily and end up hurting other people.

Recently, I saw somebody write a thing about one of their friends liking them. Instantly, I panicked. That couldn't be my crush, right? Right?

And then, I got jealous.

I started piecing together information, ideas.

I'm a fucking idiot.

I need to stop.

Night to the people who're sleeping, morning to the people who're just waking up.

I'll talk to you soon, I suppose.