I am now in the melting stage of my ice cube. Not so confedent about hurting Justin but still feel a twinge of pain everytime I hear his songs on the radio. I kills me inside thinking that I'm making him suffer. I know it soiunds crazy becuase I wanted him to suffer yesterday, but now the guilt feeling is taking over. I want to say sorry but I'm afraid that I don't know how to forgive him.
I kept checking his twitter. His recent tweet that was tweeted two minutes ago was ' Won't talk to anyone, in my room looking at a picture that makes me cry, I <3 U. I just hope I get the chace to tell it to your face. ' I shut my laptop and sat on my bed grabing my phone.
I went to the message screen clicked on new message and wrote, I Love you to. I then went to send it to Justin. I hesitated.
He already said he loved me. On twitter. But what if the post wasn't about me, what if it was something to do with his family. Wow, I would feel like a dits.
I closed out of the send screen and turned my phone off, placing it on my bed side table. I'm going to have to see him sometime. But maybe tomorrow, I still don't have enough strength. I sighed to myself and snuggled up into my blankets, resting my head gently on my pillow.
I was to afraid to fall asleep, thinking that the dream would come back. So I grabbed my remote off of my bedside table and turned on the TV. I kept flipping through channeles until I found Amercia's Next Top Model. God I loved this show.
It was the last eposide on one of the old seasons. It showed to me that even the most un-model at the beginning of the compitation can win. The one that stands out. I guess standing out is a good thing.
Watching Top Model always took my mind off things. No idea how but it just did. Werid sometimes.
Too soon the episode was over and I was back in my mind, which was now filling up with thoughts about Justin. Apologize, kiss him, never speak to him again. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to be held in his arms. I wanted.. I wanted.. him.
That was the first time tht I had actually admitted it to myself. I missed him. I missed him like I missed Jess, maybe more. I haven't seen either of them in what almost two days now. Wow, I really need to get a life.
Tomorrow I have to go and see him. I will, I will go and see him and apologize and hug him and never leave him ever again.
I reached over to my beside table and yanked open the door and pulled out a crumbled piece of paper. I un folded it already knowing what was on the paper.
"1435 Sunset Drive. 1435 Sunset Drive." I kept repeting to myself. I am not a creeper for memorizig Justin's adress. Okay maybe I am.
I folding it again and then opened it fasinated by it. That I actually had it. I was like A little kid being played peek-a-boo with. I laughed at myself and put his adress back in the drawer crumpled up. I checked his Twitter one more time to see what he as up to.
His tweet was tweeted about half an hour ago. It read 'I know your looking at my tweets and checking up on me, I miss you and I'm sorry. Please take my back I don't know what to do without you, everything is gone wrong since you left.' Does he seriously not realize that his tweets are being veiwed by like TRILLIONS of fans. Nope, stupid. So I tweeted, 'someone doesnt understand that about a trillion people view there tweets every second. So be smart about what you tweet.' Ha, that shuld do him some good.
My phone buzzed off. Justin.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~Text Message~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
J- So you are checking up on me!!!!! You still care!
I was thinking about texting him back, but didn't. Wow, I guess I'm stronger than I thought.
J- Becks?
