Source Of Sorrow [BoyXBoy]

.:13:.

I wanted to say something. I wanted to scream from the rooftops and tell the entire world how much I hated Alex, but I found myself unable to make a single sound. Even as the tears of betrayal heavily leaked from my eyelids, my soft and ragged breathing was the only noise coming from me. A lump was forming in my throat and I attempted to force it down, but it just would not go away. This only added to my discomfort.

Too caught up in themselves to even notice me, Alex and Dr Jardine did not hear me take a deep breath and close the door. I could not bear to look at that again.

I should have known that this was too good to be true; no one could be as perfect for me as Alex. However, he always seemed so genuine with everything he did and I would have never expected him to be a liar. I had let him in and allowed him to explore, revealing some of my darkest secrets, but all he did was abuse my trust and pretend to care about me. He probably never had any disorders in the first place and was completely fine all along. It was just an act and I felt so broken.

I desperately wanted answers, but I had no idea who could give them to me.

The sudden discovery finally started sinking in, as the adrenaline quickly wore off. I could feel my chest tightening, as my breathing became more laboured than ever. I honoured Alex for so long, always wanting to be just like him, but all of that disappeared along with my faith in him. How could he do this to me? He knew that, in the end, I would find out and it would cause me to be absolutely distraught. Was he trying to provoke me into doing something I would regret, or maybe not even live to regret? If so, then it was fucking working!

In an attempt to push those horrible thoughts to the side, I stumbled through the familiar, dull corridors which I had grown accustomed to over the last few pointless weeks. I had to get away from there; I could not stand being near Alex anymore.

Love could do so many things to you. Being in love with someone was probably equivalent to being stuck in a room with an armed serial killer: he could either let you be and decide to ignore you, or he could end your pathetic existence with one slash of a blade. And that was love. It leaves you so vulnerable to the actions of the other person and, when they decide to take that to their advantage, you would be the one left in a puddle of blood, on the floor. Alex had that kind of power over me, and I could already feel myself bleeding out.

With my blurry vision and discombobulated mind, I did not notice that I had reached my room until I marched straight into the heavy door, my head violently colliding with the metal, as I had been walking fast – or, basically, running. I groaned in discomfort, only wanting to be as far away from the real world as possible, but something, which I had never paid any attention to before, caught my eye.

On each door of a patient's room was stuck a sheet of paper with basic information about them, their disorders and their doctor. A piece of paper like that had always hung off my door, but it was flipped around so that the blank side was showing and the writing was not visible to anyone walking by. I was aware that it was there, but I never thought much of it and ignored it (especially with a distraction like Alex). This time, however, I felt like that lonely piece of paper was all I needed to answer every single one of my burning questions.

With hands which shook more fiercely than a pneumatic drill, I ripped the sheet away from my door and speedily headed inside, shutting it behind me. I made my way over to my bed and slowly sat on it, dreading what was about to come. Even with what I had seen, I somehow still had some sort of hope that Alex was never lying. I would be completely fine with him just wanting to be friends, if he did not like males, as I could not force anything. I just cared so much for him! But maybe I was being a bit too hopeful... There was only one way to find out.