Dear Phil [Phan]

We'll Be Together Again

"That must be the police," PJ said. He turned to answer the door, the banging getting more persistent and louder by the second.

They heard the door open. Loud voices and then PJ shouted. There was a 'bang' and loud footsteps coming down the hall.

A few police burst through the door with guns. Dan and Chris held their hands in the air and stepped back.

"Nobody move!" One told them.

Another walked in with PJ. He was in handcuffs.

"Hey! Stop! Let me go! Those are the guys you want!" PJ struggled, nodding at the two on the floor.

They laughed. "Then how'd you manage to escape them? Care to explain?"

"We were tied up at first," Dan started. "I got knocked out and I don't know what happened but when I came to, Chris," he indicated towards Chris, "wasn't in the room. I was able to untie his wrists," he nodded towards PJ. "But then they came back in. PJ got out and started taking both of them while Chris and I helped each other out."

"And when we got out, we helped PJ and were able to get them tied down. So they couldn't escape. I was the one who spoke with you on the phone," Chris finished.

They considered this. "And what happened while you were gone?" One of them asked Chris.

"They wanted me to compromise with them so I wouldn't blab. I didn't know what they were talking about though, so they did this." Reluctantly, Chris lifted his shirt to expose his back where long red slashes marked him.

PJ gasped and pulled towards him but the officer held her grip. "Not yet. What did they want you to compromise to?"

Dan repeated the story to the police and he wasn't interrupted once.

"Well, it seems like the truth. But, we're going to have to take you all in anyway."

Nobody protested. It would only make things take longer.

***

After a long day, they lazily went back to Dan's flat. Chris and PJ almost immediately falling asleep on the couch.

Dan wanted to write to Phil but he was to tired to wrap his thoughts around his brain. He was fumbling about in their bedroom until he finally collapsed onto the bed in exhaustion.

***

Dan had woken up in the middle of the night multiple times, confused as to why he was alone, but then he remembered everything all over again.

At nearly 4 in the morning he was wide awake. He turned on the light next to his bed and grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil.

He didn't think about what to write. He just wrote.

Dear Phil,

Remember that therapist I told you about? Well, he was one who hit you. Him and his brother. We found them Phil! We found them!

Now all you have to do is wake up. And then we'll be together again.

I miss you. You always made things so happy and enjoyable. I can't be happy without you. A life without you isn't one worth living.

And... I have something I need to tell you.

You see.. Tom invited me to a party. When I still thought he was sane. And Chris and PJ wanted me to get out. So we went.

And I got really drunk.

And Tyler and I slept together.

I'm sorry Phil. I'm so sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. They said themselves that I thought it was you but that's no excuse.

I hate myself for this and I really hope that you can forgive me. Because I love you so much. More than you can imagine.

I love you Phil.

Yours always, Dan

Dan didn't want to cry. Not again. But he couldn't help it. He felt that he had cheated on Phil. Betrayed his trust.

He was lying. Nothing could ever be the same after this. At least he didn't think so. Everything had been ruined.

And he mostly blamed himself.

Dan cried himself to sleep, but awoke only a few hours later to a doorbell being rung.

He rubbed his eyes and walked groggily to the door.

"Happy Valentines Day Dan!" The loudness startled Dan and his eyes went wide. Two young looking men stood there in pink outfits with huge smiles.

One of them handed him a huge bouquet of roses and the other had a big teddy with a sash that said 'I love you Bear'. They piled it all into his arms before Dan had any time to process what was happening.

"Phil wanted us to let you know,"

"That he loves you very much,"

"And that no matter what,"

"He always will,"

"And he can't wait,"

"To spend the rest of his life,"

"With you." 

And that was it. Dan was crying again. No, he wasn't crying. He was flat out bawling.

The men were moving, it seemed, to comfort him. But Dan shook his head, choked out an 'I'm sorry,' and shut the door with his foot. He fell back against it, the flowers falling next to him and the bear wrapped tightly in his arms.

He muffled the noise in the animal's soft head so he wouldn't wake anyone up.

After a while, he was able to bring himself to stand and slowly walk back to bed.

"Dan?" A tired PJ walked through the door, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What's happened?"

Dan didn't answer. He couldn't. He mouth wouldn't form the words. PJ, though barely understanding, nodded his head as if he did.

Dan buried his face into the pillow, still holding onto the bear. PJ left him alone and Dan could hear him, just barely, placing the roses in a vase.

PJ arrived back at the door. "There was a letter with the flowers," he said gently, laying it next to Dan.

And then he was alone again.

Dan couldn't bring himself to read the letter. Guilt burned inside his body. He felt ashamed. Horrible. His whole world was crashing down around him and now this.

"I don't deserve him. Not at all. Not after what I've done."