The Period Horror Stories

The Explaining

OK so my summer camp was required to give a class about SEXUAL STUFF for a whole week! YAY us! It's the first day and since the adults are too lazy they thought they could pair up the 13-14 year old girls with the 13-14 year old boys to explain to them what is going on. DISASTER. And guess who I have to explain to? MY. CRUSH. asdfghjkl!!!!!!!! All the pairs are put into separate rooms to explain and its just....... AWKWARD. So me and him walked into the room and I've been given 45 minutes to explain.  Does it really take 45 minutes to explain our vaginas bleed because the condom didn't break?! So we sat down and were placed at the table ALONE. Everyone else left and we were just sitting there awkwardly next to each other. Oh yeah, there is a camera, to make sure we are explaining. Right on the freaking table staring at us. 

"SOOOOOO. Uh. Any questions?" I asked him. He was just staring off into the table, like me wishing to be anywhere else. "Erm, no." He said. "Well isn't that just GREAT. Well where do you want to begin?" I asked him. He shrugged. "OK, um I'm going to tell you the BASICS I guess. It feels like the devil is in your stomach, your hungry, and you just dropped your phone and now its broken. You're pissed off, hungry, and sad. For one week. All because blood is pouring out of you because you ain't preggers." I said. I don't give a FUCK if the camera records this. He just stared at me with wide eyes. "What you want me to tell you more?" I said. Right now I don't care if he is my crush, I just want this over with. He just stared at me. "I'll take that as a YES." I said. "So at the same time you're like, turned both ON and OFF at every seemingly decent looking person within a 5 mile radius. AND you have to either like TAPE a piece of toilet paper thing to your underwear or put something inside of you. And you have cramps. And you leave a mess if you're unprepared. AND you have to change EVERYTHING AND your clothes like every time you enter your home. Get it?" I said. He merely nodded.

"The tricky part is DEALING with a girl on her period. DON'T MENTION IT OR THE DEVIL IN HER VAGINA WILL DRAG YOU TO HELL. Don't piss her off, don't touch her unless she WANTS to be touched, always give her chocolate, if she leaves a mess don't say anything but clean it up. Even if you aren't interested in her or something. Treat her like a QUEEN. It's once a month, so the better you treat her the sooner it will pass. Got it?" I asked him. In all honesty it was MY time of month, but he didn't need to know that. He nodded again, his face beet red. "OK, you sure you have no questions?" I asked him, narrowing my eyes. We had what, 15 minutes left? He stared at the desk and furrowed his eyebrows. I basically told him everything he needed to know. "Um, ONE. How can you tell if a girl is on her period?" He asks me. I widened my eyes.

"Well, you might not know. Some girls are always moody, but don't ask them or anything! In fact DON'T make assumtions! A girl will do EVERYTHING in her power to hide the fact, so if it SEEMS like it or you see it, just follow the advice I gave you." With that I looked at the clock and our time ran out as I rushed out. There on the LIVE TV was me and my crush's video. I turned beet red. My bestfriend smiled at me. "DANG! You explained better than I did! I just said blood comes out of the hole near the butthole' and left. " She said. I rolled my eyes when all the guys looked at me with wide eyes. I growled as they all turned away. They know the advice, they better use it. An adult walked up to me.

"Hey! We just donated the video to the BOARD, They will use it for both boys and girls in their SEX-ED classes to explain since it does a better job than any other video. SO thank you." He said and walked away. My face paled. OH SHIT. NO WHY?!!!!!1!!?!!!1!??!?/!?! Poor unfortunate souls, having to know. At least I did my country good, and served it well. By telling today's generation of boys how to keep a girlfriend since 45% of relationships end since she is on her period. I'm a hero